A Little Humor for Your Day – ‘Care & Feeding Of Your Computer’

Care And Feeding Of Your Computer

I’ve been working on a project at work to ensure all our end users know how to back up data in preparation for company wide computer upgrades. I’m tempted to hand this out to some of our users.
1. Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.
2. Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metallic shavings can be removed with scouring powder and soap. When waxing diskettes, make sure application is even. This will allow the diskettes to spin faster, resulting in better access time.
3. Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit in the drive. “Big” diskettes may be folded and used in “little” disk drives.
4. Never insert a disk into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.
5. Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through the Xerox machine. If your data needs to be backed up, simply insert two diskettes together into the drive whenever you update a document; the data will be recorded on both diskettes.
6. Diskettes should not be inserted into or removed from the drive while the red light is flashing. Doing so could result in smeared or possibly unreadable text. Occasionally the red light continues to flash in what is known as a “hung” or “hooked” state. If your system is “hooking” you, you will probably need to insert several dollars before being allowed to access the disk drive.
7. If your diskette is full and you need more storage space, remove the disk from the drive and shake vigorously for two minutes. This will pack the data (“data compression”) enough to allow for more storage. Be sure to cover all the openings with scotch tape to prevent loss of data.

Good Morning & Goddess Bless All Of My Dear Friends & Family!

Silent Night

Silent night, Solstice Night
All is calm, all is bright
Nature slumbers in forest and glen Till in Springtime She wakens again
Sleeping spirits grow strong!
Sleeping spirits grow strong!

Silent night, Solstice night
Silver moon shining bright
Snowfall blankets the slumbering Earth
Yule fires welcome the Sun’s rebirth
Hark, the Light is reborn!
Hark, the Light is reborn!

Silent night, Solstice night
Quiet rest till the Light
Turning ever the rolling Wheel
Brings the Winter to comfort and heal
Rest your spirit in peace!
Rest your spirit in peace!

~Author Unknown

A Little Humor for Your Day – Beware of these new Computer Viruses

Beware of these new Computer Viruses:


ADAM AND EVE VIRUS – Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

AIRBAG VIRUS – Can only cause harm if you are a petite computer operator who sits too close to the screen. Provides a handy ON-OFF switch in most current release.

AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS – You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Al Gore Virus – Claims that it is the Internet. Causes your computer to just keep counting and re-counting.

ALZHEIMER’S VIRUS – It makes your computer forget where it put your files.

APPLE VIRUS – Virus-8, originally planned as a revolutionary redesign of aging but classic virus software, had to be repackaged and simplified after the original attempt failed to keep up with rapidly shifting design goals. Fortunately, the current production version can infect older Macintoshes as well as the latest models.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS v 1.0 – It terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back!

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus v 2.0 – Now widespread in California where it wiped out the Gray Davis virus and is terminating programs left and right in the state legislature’s computers.

AT&T VIRUS – Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

Bill Clinton Virus v 1.0 – It has a six inch hard drive and no memory. Freezes entire system due to unresolved memory conflicts.

Bill Clinton Virus v 2.0 – It tells you it’s executing any program you want, whether or not it’s on your computer.

Bill Clinton Virus v 3.0 – Fills you with the compulsion to cut wasteful government spending at the same time that it compels you to hop into an airplane for a $200.00 haircut at taxpayer expense.

Bill Clinton Virus v 4.0 – Mutates from region to region and we’re not exactly sure what it does.

Bill Clinton Virus v 5.0- Promises to give equal time to all processes- 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This Virus protests your computer’s involvement in other computer’s affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.

Bill Clinton virus v 6.0 – Automatically connects to every URL in your Internet browser’s list of bookmarks, then it tells you emphatically that your computer never made any connections…to any URL…because since it didn’t transmit and receive simultaneously, it wasn’t really connected.

BILL GATES VIRUS – This dominant strain searches for desirable features in all other viruses via the internet. It then either engulfs the competing viruses or removes their access to computers until they die out.

Bin Laden (aka Al Qaeda) virus – displays threatening messages and spawns numerous smaller viruses that periodically destroy files. The Bin Laden virus and its spawned viruses are being seen less and less frequently and may be becoming extinct due to the spread of the George W. Bush virus.

Birthday Virus – Keeps advancing your clock by another year.

BOB DOLE VIRUS – Could be virulent, but it’s been around too long to be much of a threat.

Bob Dole (aka Viagra) Virus – Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

Bureaucrat Virus – Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

CHILD VIRUS – It constantly does annoying things, but is too cute to get rid of.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS v 1.0 – It runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn’t allow the user to accomplish anything.

Congressional Virus v 2.0 – Computer locks up, screen splits vertically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Congressional Virus v 3.0 – Overdraws your disk space.

Couch Potato Virus – Just sits there, eating chips all day.

DEMOCRAT VIRUS – Doesn’t allow you to delete inefficient programs or wasted disc space – if you try, it accuses you of being a “mean-spirited extremist”.

DIET VIRUS – Allows your hard drive to lose weight by eliminating the FAT table.

DISNEY VIRUS – Everything in the computer goes Goofy.

DOLLY PARTON VIRUS – It sounds pretty good, but you’d swear your monitor looks larger and have more knobs than it used to. DEFLATE.COM removes it.

DONALD TRUMP VIRUS – Harmless unless you use online banking.

ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS v 1.0 – Your IBM suddenly claims it’s a MAC.

Ellen Degeneres Virus v 2.0 – Disks can no longer be inserted.

Elvis Virus – Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy and then self-destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Federal Bureaucrat Virus – Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

Federal Reserve Virus – Affects performance of CDs.

Firestone Viruses – Causes mouse to explode after 10,000 miles. Flying toasters actually fly off your screen saver. Leaves chunks of its code all over the information highway.

Freudian Virus – Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying it’s own motherboard. Becomes very jealous of the size of your friend’s hard drive.

French virus – garbles some files and then displays a message asking you for help. If you click OK, it just garbles more files and asks for help again. If you click Cancel, it displays the message, “I surrender!” and shuts down your computer. If you click Ignore, it scans your computer for the German and Russian viruses. If the French, Russian, and German viruses find each other, they merge into a single virus that conflicts with the George W. Bush virus, slowing it down.

Gallup Poll Virus – 60% of the PC’s infected will lose 30% of their data 14% of the time (plus or minus a 3.5% margin of error).

GEORGE MICHAEL VIRUS – Runs its course, occasionally releasing excess data buildup.

Daily Feng Shui Tip for Aug. 12 – ‘IBM PC Day’

What better day than ‘IBM PC Day’ to talk about alternative ways of ensuring that your PC doesn’t crash? Feng Shui says that hanging a clear and faceted quartz crystal over the top of your computer will not only keep it running smoothly but will also make sure that you do the same. This philosophy says that doing so will also enhance your own clarity of mind and your decision-making processes. For full effect, hang the crystal with a red ribbon cut into multiple of nine inches in length. As you put this crystal into place, visualize all the facets inherent opening your mind to new dimensions of understanding while also seeing distractions and negative thoughts being swept away. This very basic but very powerful Feng Shui cure also promises to protect you from ailing Chi while encouraging you to have a brighter outlook for your future — and that of your precious PC too!

By Ellen Whitehurst for Astrology.com