A Little Humor for Your Day – Beware of these new Computer Viruses

Beware of these new Computer Viruses:

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ADAM AND EVE VIRUS – Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

AIRBAG VIRUS – Can only cause harm if you are a petite computer operator who sits too close to the screen. Provides a handy ON-OFF switch in most current release.

AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS – You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Al Gore Virus – Claims that it is the Internet. Causes your computer to just keep counting and re-counting.

ALZHEIMER’S VIRUS – It makes your computer forget where it put your files.

APPLE VIRUS – Virus-8, originally planned as a revolutionary redesign of aging but classic virus software, had to be repackaged and simplified after the original attempt failed to keep up with rapidly shifting design goals. Fortunately, the current production version can infect older Macintoshes as well as the latest models.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS v 1.0 – It terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back!

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus v 2.0 – Now widespread in California where it wiped out the Gray Davis virus and is terminating programs left and right in the state legislature’s computers.

AT&T VIRUS – Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

Bill Clinton Virus v 1.0 – It has a six inch hard drive and no memory. Freezes entire system due to unresolved memory conflicts.

Bill Clinton Virus v 2.0 – It tells you it’s executing any program you want, whether or not it’s on your computer.

Bill Clinton Virus v 3.0 – Fills you with the compulsion to cut wasteful government spending at the same time that it compels you to hop into an airplane for a $200.00 haircut at taxpayer expense.

Bill Clinton Virus v 4.0 – Mutates from region to region and we’re not exactly sure what it does.

Bill Clinton Virus v 5.0- Promises to give equal time to all processes- 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This Virus protests your computer’s involvement in other computer’s affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.

Bill Clinton virus v 6.0 – Automatically connects to every URL in your Internet browser’s list of bookmarks, then it tells you emphatically that your computer never made any connections…to any URL…because since it didn’t transmit and receive simultaneously, it wasn’t really connected.

BILL GATES VIRUS – This dominant strain searches for desirable features in all other viruses via the internet. It then either engulfs the competing viruses or removes their access to computers until they die out.

Bin Laden (aka Al Qaeda) virus – displays threatening messages and spawns numerous smaller viruses that periodically destroy files. The Bin Laden virus and its spawned viruses are being seen less and less frequently and may be becoming extinct due to the spread of the George W. Bush virus.

Birthday Virus – Keeps advancing your clock by another year.

BOB DOLE VIRUS – Could be virulent, but it’s been around too long to be much of a threat.

Bob Dole (aka Viagra) Virus – Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

Bureaucrat Virus – Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

CHILD VIRUS – It constantly does annoying things, but is too cute to get rid of.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS v 1.0 – It runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn’t allow the user to accomplish anything.

Congressional Virus v 2.0 – Computer locks up, screen splits vertically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Congressional Virus v 3.0 – Overdraws your disk space.

Couch Potato Virus – Just sits there, eating chips all day.

DEMOCRAT VIRUS – Doesn’t allow you to delete inefficient programs or wasted disc space – if you try, it accuses you of being a “mean-spirited extremist”.

DIET VIRUS – Allows your hard drive to lose weight by eliminating the FAT table.

DISNEY VIRUS – Everything in the computer goes Goofy.

DOLLY PARTON VIRUS – It sounds pretty good, but you’d swear your monitor looks larger and have more knobs than it used to. DEFLATE.COM removes it.

DONALD TRUMP VIRUS – Harmless unless you use online banking.

ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS v 1.0 – Your IBM suddenly claims it’s a MAC.

Ellen Degeneres Virus v 2.0 – Disks can no longer be inserted.

Elvis Virus – Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy and then self-destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Federal Bureaucrat Virus – Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

Federal Reserve Virus – Affects performance of CDs.

Firestone Viruses – Causes mouse to explode after 10,000 miles. Flying toasters actually fly off your screen saver. Leaves chunks of its code all over the information highway.

Freudian Virus – Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying it’s own motherboard. Becomes very jealous of the size of your friend’s hard drive.

French virus – garbles some files and then displays a message asking you for help. If you click OK, it just garbles more files and asks for help again. If you click Cancel, it displays the message, “I surrender!” and shuts down your computer. If you click Ignore, it scans your computer for the German and Russian viruses. If the French, Russian, and German viruses find each other, they merge into a single virus that conflicts with the George W. Bush virus, slowing it down.

Gallup Poll Virus – 60% of the PC’s infected will lose 30% of their data 14% of the time (plus or minus a 3.5% margin of error).

GEORGE MICHAEL VIRUS – Runs its course, occasionally releasing excess data buildup.

Get Out, Get Registered & Vote This November!


You all know I try to steer clear of Politics. I don’t believe Politics and Witchcraft mix together at all. But I have heard enough bull this election year that I think it is alright to voice my opinion. I am going to try to keep my opinion neutral as much as I can (but that is really going to be difficult, lol!). I also want go urge each of you to get out and vote this November. You have plenty of time to go to your local Registrar’s office. It’s simple, it’s painless and probably takes about 5 minutes if that long. So you have plenty of time and it is simple as apple pie, go, do it, now! Well not right now, when you get through reading this, lol!

I am going to start with Bill Clinton. I know some of you aren’t going to agree with me. But I think he is the best President I can remember. I know he got caught up in that Monica thing but it didn’t effect his judgment in the Oval Office. As far as I was concerned, he could screw anyone he wanted but as long as he kept the country in good shape. And if you remember times were good. Everybody that wanted to work had a job. The economy was fantastic and when he left the office we had a huge surplus of money.

 

Well next here comes, George Bush. That ought to be enough said right there but…..when things started going bad, I remember what his words were. “Well we have had it good for so long, now we have to pay for it!” said our lovely President. I just wanted to crawl through the TV. Pay for it, hell isn’t it our right as Americans to have and expect our lives to be good. After eight years of Bush and Chaney, I think we all know the answer to that. All they were doing was padding their pockets were they would be set when they got out of office.  But he made so many screw-ups, it was take two pages to write about them all. When dear President Bush left office we were trillions of dollars in debt. In eight years, that man (Bush) destroyed everything Clinton had done to make our country great again.

 

Now we come to our present President Obama. Obama is a very intelligent man. You can tell the way he talks and in his mannerisms.  Everyone is upset that we don’t have jobs for everyone right now. We can’t pay our mortgages. We are losing everything we have. I know times are horrible, believe me I know. But stop and think Obama inherited a hell of a mess from Bush.  Bush had eight years to totally destroy the country and he almost did. How on earth could anybody, I don’t care who it is, straighten Bush’s mess out in four years. You can’t do it. No way. Also Obama has Bill and Hilary Clinton at his side. The Clintons are the one that turned this country around the last time. I believe they will give him sound advice to do it again. But there is good news occurring, you just don’t hear about it. Or else they don’t want you to hear about it? Stock markets up, factories are opening back up and starting to hire, new factories are being built, things are looking up. We do have a good future with Obama.

 

Now comes Romney, I don’t know I guess I have watched this man like a hawk. From the very beginning there has been some kind of controversy in his campaign. What gets me about him is every time he comes out and says yes he is for something, then he finds out it is not a popular idea. He will distance himself from it. The one that sticks in my mind is a Republican Congressman/Senator brought up the topic of being Pro-Choice. They wanted to reverse Roe vs Wade. Romney jumped on the band wagon till he found out that really isn’t such a popular idea. He jumped off as fast as he jumped on. He has done this on several issues. My concern with that is, he will be in the White House will the little red button that launches the nukes. What’s he going to do, decide to push it and then go, “Oops, I shouldn’t have done that, that won’t be popular with the people!” What people, we will all be dead. Then he has made remarks that make me wonder which planet he is on. I don’t know if you have had a chance to hear he latest comments today or not.  He was addressing a $50,000 plate dinner and someone hid a microphone under a desk. They wanted to see what he was really like in a more relaxed sitting.  They got their ears full. He said the poor in this country thought they had entitlement, they expect the government to keep them up, they didn’t pay taxes and who gives a damn about them. They don’t matter.  Well, I don’t know what that tells you, but I know what it tells me. He is out for the rich and that’s it. Time he gets out of office, he will have packed me up and sent me back to Ireland. I sure ain’t rich so apparently he don’t give a damn about me so why should I be here. Does he want America just to be for the wealthy?

 

I had to start a new paragraph, I got to thinking about what he said and it just makes me angry. What about all the homeless people in this country? What’s he planning on doing with them, sweeping them down the gutters? Every time I pass a person out on the interstate ramp with a sign saying they will work for food, it kills me. To think we live in the greatest nation on Earth and we have people sleeping in the streets, people starving and children going to bed at night hungry. It is absolutely appaulling! The current shape of this country is due to Romney’s buddy Bush being in office for eight years. I shiver to think what will become of this country, if he gets elected.

 

And I said I was going to try to stay neutral, ha! But this is a very serious time in our country. You need to get out this November and vote. You have to weigh the options, then think who would lead this country in a better direction. What they always told me, if you don’t vote you can’t bitch, lol!

You go register, if you aren’t and get out this November and vote!