A Little Humor – What Would Your Diety Do?

What Would Your Diety Do?


Many folks, when faced with a difficult choice, say that they always            ask themselves, “WWJD?” As we all know, WWJD? is “What Would Jesus Do?” Now,            for those of non-Christian religious persuasions, we have…

WWAD? (A=Anubis) Wrap ’em up!

WWAD? (A=Aphrodite) Don’t you mean who would Aphrodite do?

WWAD? (A=Apollo) Test their musical skills… in a fair contest.

WWAD? (A=Artemis) Turn him into a stag to be torn apart by his barking hounds.

WWAD? (A=Astarte) Make love and war.

WWAD? (A=Athena) Stare him down, then beat the crap out of them… in a logical manner.

WWBD? (B=Bacchus) Get them drunk and turn them into dolphins.

WWBD? (B=Britannia) Rule!

WWBD? (B=Buddha) Does it matter? If you are enlightened it doesn’t. If you are not enlightened it still doesn’t.

WWCD? (C=Ceres) Discuss it calmly while holding a scythe.

WWCD? (C=Ceridwen) Stir it up one more time.

WWCD? (C=Chaos) No one is quite sure… but it will be messy and… interesting.

WWCD? (C=Cthulu) Does it matter? No one will survive anyway.

WWCD? (C=Cuchulain) Chop down an enormous oak tree with one sweep of your sword, carve a riddle writtin in ogham on it, and throw it in the path of the oncoming Connacht hordes and demand that they decipher it before advancing.

WWDD? (D= Demeter) Lay waste to your lands if you don’t have her daughter back by 10pm! [And don’t even THINK of laying a hand on her!]

WWDD? (D=Discordia) Here… have an apple… if you are the fairest!

WWED? (E=Ereshkigal) Strip them and hang them on a hook to rot.

WWFD? (F=Flora) Say it with flowers.

WWFD? (F=Fortuna) Play the lottery.

WWFD? (F=Frigga). Spin, spin, spin.

WWGD? (G=Gaia) Remind them to worship the ground they stand on.

WWGD? (G=Ganesha) Saddle up his rat.

WWGD (G=God) Send everyone to Hell that doesn’t obey his every wish.

WWHD?(H=Hades) Tell them to go to Hell.

WWHD? (H=Hecate) Show them the right path… or is it the left?

WWHD? (H=Hera) She’d get jealous.

WWHD? (H=Hercules) He’d labor to come up with an answer.

WWHD? (H=Herne) Lead them on a Wild Hunt!

WWJD? (J=Janus) Look the other way.

WWJD? (J=Jupiter) Strike them down with a bolt from the blue.

WWKD? (K=Kali) Tear out their beating heart, drink their blood and dance on their trembling corpse. Then wear parts as jewelry.

WWKD? (K=Kwan Yin) Show them some mercy.

WWLD? (L=Loki) Turn left at the next street, buy five chickens, “borrow” some jewelry, change into a seal and steal some apples. For starters.

WWLD? (L=Luna) Moon them!

WWMD? (M=Mithras) Cut the bull!

WWMD? (M=Mars) Suit up for battle.

WWMD? (M=Mercury) Change his mind… again.

WWND? (N=Narcissus) Huh? Is there someone else here?

WWOD? (O=Odin) Take an eye out and leave them in runes.

WWPD? (P=Pan) Tell them to pipe down or fuck off.

WWPD? (P=Pluto) Hump Minnie’s leg.

WWPD? (P=Priapus) Rise to the occasion.

WWSD? (S=Sekhmet) Drown her sorrows in blood.

WWSD? (S=Set) You don’t want to know but it wont be nice.

WWSD? (S=Shiva) Smoke some weed and dance the night away.

WWTD? (T=Thor) Hammer it out.

WWTD? (T=Tyr) Arm himself.

WWTED? (TE=The Eleusinians) It’s a mystery!

WWVD? (V=Vesta) Keep the home fires burning.

WWVD (V=Venus) Stand there and be eye candy.

WWVD? (V=Vulcan) Live long and prosper. [Hey, this took a while! I was just checking to see if you got this far. After all, I suffered for this, now it’s your turn!]

WWWD (W=Wayland) Serve them a feast where their children’s skulls are the finely-fashioned drinking cups.

WWYD? (Y=Yahweh) “I hear you, I hear you. Stop with the burning bush already! OY!”

WWZD? (Z=Zeus) By Jove, he’d flirt with the girls!

 

Turok’s Cabana

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Calendar of the Sun for May 16th

Calendar of the Sun
16 Thrimilchimonath

Eir’s Blot

Colors: White and blue
Element: Air
Altar: Upon cloth of white and blue set twelve white candles, one sky-blue candle, a great jug of mead, and a pot of healing salve. Throughout the next three days, the altar stays the same, and one more candle is lit. On this day, light the blue candle and nine white candles.
Offering: Inventory the medical supplies. Help those who are poor and ill. Do things correctly.
Daily Meal: Soup or stew. Bread with cheese, meat, or jam.

Invocation to Frigga’s Handmaidens

Call: Twelve maidens hold the halls of Asgard!
Response: Twelve virgins hold the pillars of heaven!
Call: Twelve mysteries hold the luck of Asgard!
Response: Twelve virtues hold the Law of heaven!
Call: Twelve words of power resound through Asgard!
Response: Twelve stars light up the dome of heaven!
Call: We call upon the power of Virtue!
Response: We call upon the mysteries of heaven!

Invocation to Eir

Hail, healer of Asgard!
Physician who ministers to many wounds,
You teach us that there is never enough healing,
Never enough time, never enough resources,
Never enough hope that anything will survive,
And yet even in face of this helplessness
You teach us that we must go on,
And never give up until the end.
And this is the wound of Creation,
That can never be healed
And yet we must keep trying.
For Perseverance is more than merely stubbornness,
It is the living embodiment of Hope.
Chant:
Cloth of honor from the thread of truth
Weave your heart into all you offer

(A libation of mead is poured out for Eir, and the jug replaced for the next day’s ritual. Honor should be given today to those with chronic illnesses, and they should be given privileges for their perseverance in the face of pain.)

[Pagan Book of Hours]

Calendar of the Sun for May 15th

Calendar of the Sun
15 Thrimilchimonath

Huldra’s Blot

Colors: White and blue
Element: Air
Altar: Upon cloth of white and blue set twelve white candles, one sky-blue candle, a great jug of mead, and a cow’s horn. Throughout the next four days, the altar stays the same, and one more candle is lit. On this day, light the blue candle and eight white candles.
Offering: Hard work, inside and outside, throughout the day until sleeping. Do things correctly.
Daily Meal: Bread with cheese, meat, or jam, packed and eaten during work.

Invocation to Frigga’s Handmaidens

Call: Twelve maidens hold the halls of Asgard!
Response: Twelve virgins hold the pillars of heaven!
Call: Twelve mysteries hold the luck of Asgard!
Response: Twelve virtues hold the Law of heaven!
Call: Twelve words of power resound through Asgard!
Response: Twelve stars light up the dome of heaven!
Call: We call upon the power of Virtue!
Response: We call upon the mysteries of heaven!

Invocation to Huldra

Hail, Maiden of Industry!
As the shovel goes into the earth,
As the hoe goes into the soil,
As the seed goes into the garden,
As the grain goes into the field,
As the water is carried from the well,
As the home is cleaned and purified,
As the thread is woven on the loom,
So you teach us that nothing comes
Without great labor and terrible work.
For industry is more than merely toil,
It is the means by which the world is changed.

Chant:
Cloth of honor from the thread of truth
Weave your heart into all you offer

(A libation of mead is poured out for Huldra, and the jug replaced for the next day’s ritual. The entire community will take on hard labor today, from after breakfast to Hesperis, to practice the virtue of Industry.)

[Pagan Book of Hours]

Calendar of the Sun for Friday, May 11

Calendar of the Sun
11 Thrimilchimonath

Syn’s Blot

Colors: White and blue
Element: Air
Altar: Upon cloth of white and blue set twelve white candles, one sky-blue candle, a great jug of mead, and a large coin. Throughout the next eight days, the altar stays the same, and one more candle is lit. On this day, light the blue candle and four white candles.
Offering: Go over contracts. Give your word and keep it. Do things correctly.
Daily Meal: Soup or stew. Bread with cheese, meat, or jam.

Invocation to Frigga’s Handmaidens

Call: Twelve maidens hold the halls of Asgard!
Response: Twelve virgins hold the pillars of heaven!
Call: Twelve mysteries hold the luck of Asgard!
Response: Twelve virtues hold the Law of heaven!
Call: Twelve words of power resound through Asgard!
Response: Twelve stars light up the dome of heaven!
Call: We call upon the power of Virtue!
Response: We call upon the mysteries of heaven!

Invocation to Syn

Hail, Maiden of Honor!
Hail, keeper of fairness!
You who walk the path of integrity,
You whose name is sworn
At the end of all fair contracts,
You who remind us to keep
Even the most trivial of obligations,
Never cease in your efforts!
Teach us to say what we mean
And to mean what we say.
For honor is more than merely acting justly,
It is being a living example of that justice
For all to look upon.

Chant:
Cloth of honor from the thread of truth
Weave your heart into all you offer

(A libation of mead is poured out for Syn, and the jug replaced for the next day’s ritual. Go over house contracts and agreements on this day, to practice the virtue of Honor.)

[Pagan Book of Hours]

Calendar of the Sun for May 10

Calendar of the Sun
10 Thrimilchimonath

Lofn’s Blot

Colors: White and blue
Element: Air
Altar: Upon cloth of white and blue set twelve white candles, one sky-blue candle, a great jug of mead, and a cup of tea. Throughout the next nine days, the altar stays the same, and one more candle is lit. On this day, light the blue candle and three white candles.
Offering: Endeavor to mediate and make peace between warring factions. Do things correctly.
Daily Meal: Soup or stew. Bread with cheese, meat, or jam.

Invocation to Frigga’s Handmaidens

Call: Twelve maidens hold the halls of Asgard!
Response: Twelve virgins hold the pillars of heaven!
Call: Twelve mysteries hold the luck of Asgard!
Response: Twelve virtues hold the Law of heaven!
Call: Twelve words of power resound through Asgard!
Response: Twelve stars light up the dome of heaven!
Call: We call upon the power of Virtue!
Response: We call upon the mysteries of heaven!

Invocation to Lofn

Hail, Maiden of Peacemaking!
Hail, bringer of frith into our halls!
You who stand always between
The parties of war and conflict,
You who write truces
And live by compromises,
You who place peace above all things,
Be with us in our daily lives,
That we may learn to quiet our passions
And seek harmony in all things.
For peacemaking is more than merely stepping aside,
It is placing the needs of others above your own
And in so doing, making of yourself an offering for that peace.

Chant:
Cloth of honor from the thread of truth
Weave your heart into all you offer

(A libation of mead is poured out for Lofn, and the jug replaced for the next day’s ritual. A follow-up to yesterday’s House meeting should be held, with an emphasis on peacemaking.)

[Pagan Book of Hours]

Calendar of the Sun for May 9

Calendar of the Sun
9 Thrimilchimonath

Gna’s Blot

Colors: White and blue
Element: Air
Altar: Upon cloth of white and blue set twelve white candles, one sky-blue candle, a great jug of mead, and a white feather. Throughout the next ten days, the altar stays the same, and one more candle is lit. On this day, light the blue candle and two white candles.
Offering: Take a message of truth to someone. Speak the truth. Do things correctly.
Daily Meal: Soup or stew. Bread with cheese, meat, or jam.

Invocation to Frigga’s Handmaidens

Call: Twelve maidens hold the halls of Asgard!
Response: Twelve virgins hold the pillars of heaven!
Call: Twelve mysteries hold the luck of Asgard!
Response: Twelve virtues hold the Law of heaven!
Call: Twelve words of power resound through Asgard!
Response: Twelve stars light up the dome of heaven!
Call: We call upon the power of Virtue!
Response: We call upon the mysteries of heaven!

Invocation to Gna

Hail, bright messenger of Frigga,
Bringer only of the truth,
Be it joyful or painful.
You whose lips speak only what is true
And whose wings rush the truth to every corner of the world,
Teach us to love that messenger when she comes,
Even when she bears tidings
That wring the heart to sorrow.
Teach us that truth is never unwelcome,
And that its radiance burns through
All confusion, all illusion, and all shadows.
For truth is more than merely our words;
It is every step that we take on the road of life.

Chant:
Cloth of honor from the thread of truth
Weave your heart into all you offer

(A libation of mead is poured out for Gna, and the jug replaced for the next day’s ritual. There should be a House meeting for this day, during which the virtue of Truth is stressed.)

[Pagan Book of Hours]

Calendar of the Sun for May 8th

Calendar of the Sun
8 Thrimilchimonath

Fulla’s Blot

Colors: White and blue
Element: Air
Altar: Upon cloth of white and blue set twelve white candles, one sky-blue candle, a great jug of mead, and a sheaf of grain. Throughout the next eleven days, the altar stays the same, and one more candle is lit. On this day, light the blue candle and one white candle.
Offering: Inventory the food supplies. Do things correctly.
Daily Meal: Soup or stew. Bread with cheese, meat, or jam.

Invocation to Frigga’s Handmaidens

Call: Twelve maidens hold the halls of Asgard!
Response: Twelve virgins hold the pillars of heaven!
Call: Twelve mysteries hold the luck of Asgard!
Response: Twelve virtues hold the Law of heaven!
Call: Twelve words of power resound through Asgard!
Response: Twelve stars light up the dome of heaven!
Call: We call upon the power of Virtue!
Response: We call upon the mysteries of heaven!

Invocation to Fulla

Hail, Asgard’s princess,
Younger sister of the Queen!
Hail, maiden of plenty
Who fills the pots and larders,
Who gives us abundance in all things
That we may in turn give hospitality.
Hail, maiden of the fields
Who makes the grain rise fine and proud!
For abundance is more than mere riches,
It is the careful accounting of fairness
So that everyone gets enough for survival
Enough for happiness
And enough to pass on to others.

Chant:
Cloth of honor from the thread of truth
Weave your heart into all you offer

(A libation of mead is poured out for Fulla, and the jug replaced for the next day’s ritual. Invite outsiders in for dinner on this day, in honor of the virtue of hospitality.)

[Pagan Book of Hours]

Calendar of the Sun for May 7th

Calendar of the Sun
7 Thrimilchimonath

Frigga’s Blot

Color: White and blue
Element: Air
Altar: Upon cloth of white and blue set twelve white candles, one sky-blue candle, a great jug of mead, and a drop spindle full of handspun yarn. Throughout the next twelve days, the altar stays the same, and one more candle is lit. On this day, light only the blue one.
Offering: Learn to spin. Bring harmony to some place that needs it. Do things correctly.
Daily Meal: Soup or stew. Bread with cheese, meat, or jam.

Invocation to Frigga

We call you, Frigga, from your misty halls at Fensalir,
All-knowing Queen, norn-wise,
Odhinn’s loved companion, splendid queen of tribes,
Blessed in triumph, binding folk together.
Lover of your people, lady bright-minded,
Bridler of kin-strife, bourne of kin-mindfulness.
Protector and peaceweaver, friendly goddess:
Your blessings give to us, to babies and brave ones,
Great-hearted queen, holding secret counsel
With god-loving soothsayers; to the wise-minded
Giving rede and wisdom, discretion and prudence.
Key-keeper mighty, in your starry cape,
You know there is no tongue in which to tell
Of all that is and that shall be;
To sort the spinning strands of possibility
Into a span of words,
Yet with your spindle and your well-strung loom
You weave the airy clouds
And send the winds to shape them,
Writing your wordless wisdom-runes
In the ever-changing valleys of the sky.
(Adapted from Winifred Hodge)

Chant:
Cloth of honor from the thread of truth
Weave your heart into all you offer

(The drop spindle of yarn is passed around from person to person, and each speaks of how they intend to bring frith – order, harmony, and correctness – to some aspect of their lives. Then some mead is poured out as a libation to Frigga, saying, “Hail, Lady of Frith!” The rest is placed back on the altar for tomorrow’s ritual.)

[Pagan Book of Hours]

The Lost Tools of the Witch

The Lost Tools of the Witch

Author: BellaDonna Saberhagen

When you ask your average neo-Pagan or Wiccan what tools are on their altar (or are important to their craft) , you typically get the following list: athame, wand, pentacle, chalice, besom, cauldron, candles, incense, sometimes herbs and stones, sometimes a “white-handled knife” or boline. That’s about it though. A great number of the tools are things that would have been common household implements during the early-Modern Witchcraft trials. Every household needed a cup, a knife, a pot, a broom and firelight to see by (whether by candles or an oil lamp) . It’s interesting how the common daily tools became associated with witchcraft (it also made it exceedingly easy to tell the magistrate you suspected your neighbor of witchery and for “proof” of said witchery to be found) .

What I find interesting is that some of the most common tools that are also mythologically associated with magic are not mentioned amongst the tools of today. These are the tools of the textile industry; which in older times were the distaff, spindle and loom. Often, in Viking women’s graves, these tools are found amongst the grave goods, meaning they were important enough to be taken to the afterlife. Often, they were noted as the “women’s weapons.” Since they aren’t likely to be physically good at inflicting bodily harm, this must mean something else. That something else is magic.

Since these tools aren’t listed among modern witch and/or magician tools, we have to look to lore, myths and fairy tales to find their significance. This isn’t as hard as it might sound because the fairy tales we were told as children are filled with this information. The most famous example is Sleeping Beauty, but we’ll talk about that story later.

The most famous spinners in folklore are the spinners of fate, the three Fates of Greek mythology and the Norns of Nordic myth. The Fates spin the thread of your life, weave the story into a tapestry and cut the thread at the end of your life. Clearly, the tools of old textile work are deeply connected with fate. A lot of neo-Pagans blanch at the concept of fate; I know I used to be the same way. We make our own destiny and nothing three biddies can do can change that (sticks tongue out for cheeky emphasis) ! The truth is that both are correct. There are some things we cannot change; we will all die someday (after-all life is sexually transmitted and always fatal) . Basically, the choices you make throughout your life bring you to certain places where you make more choices. Now, based on your past choices there is a great likelihood that you will make specific choices at this new crossroads. However, once you become aware that you have a pattern, you can work to change that pattern. It’s a bit confusing, I realize, but it makes sense when you really think about it.

Now, if the Fates or Norns spin your fate and you are seeking to change it, how would you go about doing that? Well, sympathetic magic works wonders in other ways so why not here? If you are willing to concentrate on the fate you want and spin (with either a drop spindle or spinning wheel) , you may be able to spin that fate into existence yourself. In essence, you are replacing the thread spun by Fate with the thread of your choosing. I will admit that I am a failed spinner. I either cannot get fresh enough roving (unspun wool) so that the natural oils can hold my thread together, or I’m just plain rubbish at it. Spinning is hard and it may take years to master, especially in a society where you can just go out and get yarn and thread without the hassle. However, I think spinning will be worthwhile in the long run.

The Norse goddess Frigga, the wife of Odin, is also associated with fate. She knows all fate, but speaks nothing of her knowledge. She is also associated with spinning and some see her as the source of the master material from which all fate is spun. As far as I know, Frigga interceded on the fate she saw but once. Her son, Baldr, was doomed to die and she tried her best to prevent that from happening. She failed and his brother killed him. Baldr’s death might explain her silence, for if she cannot change fate, why speak of it at all? The story of Baldr mirrors the Greek vision of fate as shown in the story of Oedipus: everything done to try to prevent the fate is what brings it about. However, if we go through the thought that our choices bring about our fate, then Oedipus’s father was already patterned to throw his son away at the first sign of trouble (which may have been why he wanted his son’s fate read by the Oracle to begin with, to foresee any trouble) .

Beyond the usefulness of spinning (and by connection, weaving) in regards to fate, there are other uses magically. It is a common held belief that it is better to use natural materials; and that tools have more power if you make them yourself. By spinning your own thread and weaving your own fabric, you can make sure to use only natural fibers for your cords and cloths and you can put your intent into the very fibers of your creation. You may also be able to connect with ancestors that would have spent much of their time with the spindle and at the loom. (Now I am going to be realistic here, most of us have jobs and not as much time to spend on crafting — of any sort — as we would like. I would hazard that you can take shortcuts by mock-spinning pre-spun thread and yarn, as long as you visualize and focus intently.)

So, back to Sleeping Beauty. The spindle was very important in the tale, just as it was important to the very clothes on anyone’s back during the era from which it came. The bad fairy (having been slighted by not being invited to the baby princess’s party) curses her to prick her finger on a spindle on her sixteenth birthday and die. The only good fairy that could do anything to help (the rest having somehow used their blessing allotment for the princess, though what law only allowed each to give only one gift is not stated) only had enough power to put her to sleep if the events should come about rather than die. The King attempted to prevent the fate of his daughter (again with trying to out-maneuver fate) ; rather than keep spindles around and telling his daughter to be careful of them (you know, so she would know it’s not a good idea to play with the pointy ends) , he outlawed spindles, having all the spindles in the kingdom burned (thus, forcing his subjects to wear rags or spend exorbitant amounts of money on imported cloth and thread) . As an added bonus, this also effectively crippled women. If the spindle and loom were the weapons of women, outlawing them put women at an even lower status. So what does our princess do when she sees a spindle for the very first time? She touches its pointy tip, falls asleep, and has to be rescued by a handsome prince willing to fight his way through the briar-patch of doom. He kisses her, she wakes up and they live happily ever after. The spindle? Well, a good look at the Industrial Revolution lets you know its fate.

Fraue Holle is often associated as a witch goddess in Germanic lore and she, too, is associated with spinning. I mentioned in my Yule piece that if you hadn’t finished your years’ worth of spinning by the Solstice, she would come by and befoul it. If a witch goddess thought spinning was important, then it was once an important part of magic and is worth delving into even in this technological age. It’s not easy, but whoever said magic had to be easy?


Footnotes:
Our Troth Volumes 1 and 2 edited by Kveldulf Gundarsson
The Poetic Edda
Hedge-Rider by Eric De Vries
Mythology by Edith Hamilton
Oedipus Rex by Sophocles
Sleeping Beauty collected by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm

Seed Moon Love Potion

Seed Moon Love Potion

Make and drink this potion to put more love, wisdom and passion into your love life.

You will need three cups of white grape juice, three drops of vanilla, nine ice cubes and three strawberries.

Strawberries are a favorite food of elves and because of this, Bavarian peasants tie a basket of strawberries on the horn of their cattle so that the animals may prosper with blessings of the elves. In Norse mythology, the strawberry is sacred to Frigga, wife of Odin and Goddess of Love in terms of relationships and marriage.

Mix the grape juice, vanilla, and ice together using an electric blender. Turning of the blender, add the first strawberry, and say:

Oh great Goddess Frigg

Let my beloved and I share a love that knows no bounds.

Blend the first strawberry, then turn off the blender and add the second strawberry while saying:

Oh great Goddess Frigga

Let my beloved and I share a wisdom that knows no bounds.

Blend the second strawberry, then turn off the blender and add the third strawberry while repeating:

Oh great Goddess Frigga

Let my beloved and I share a passion that knows no bounds.

Blend the third strawberry, then pour the mixture into  glass. Before drinking toast the elves:

With this fruity potion I toast the magick of the elves

And ask for their blessings so my love will always grow.