What Would Your Diety Do?
Many folks, when faced with a difficult choice, say that they always ask themselves, “WWJD?” As we all know, WWJD? is “What Would Jesus Do?” Now, for those of non-Christian religious persuasions, we have…
WWAD? (A=Anubis) Wrap ’em up!
WWAD? (A=Aphrodite) Don’t you mean who would Aphrodite do?
WWAD? (A=Apollo) Test their musical skills… in a fair contest.
WWAD? (A=Artemis) Turn him into a stag to be torn apart by his barking hounds.
WWAD? (A=Astarte) Make love and war.
WWAD? (A=Athena) Stare him down, then beat the crap out of them… in a logical manner.
WWBD? (B=Bacchus) Get them drunk and turn them into dolphins.
WWBD? (B=Britannia) Rule!
WWBD? (B=Buddha) Does it matter? If you are enlightened it doesn’t. If you are not enlightened it still doesn’t.
WWCD? (C=Ceres) Discuss it calmly while holding a scythe.
WWCD? (C=Ceridwen) Stir it up one more time.
WWCD? (C=Chaos) No one is quite sure… but it will be messy and… interesting.
WWCD? (C=Cthulu) Does it matter? No one will survive anyway.
WWCD? (C=Cuchulain) Chop down an enormous oak tree with one sweep of your sword, carve a riddle writtin in ogham on it, and throw it in the path of the oncoming Connacht hordes and demand that they decipher it before advancing.
WWDD? (D= Demeter) Lay waste to your lands if you don’t have her daughter back by 10pm! [And don’t even THINK of laying a hand on her!]
WWDD? (D=Discordia) Here… have an apple… if you are the fairest!
WWED? (E=Ereshkigal) Strip them and hang them on a hook to rot.
WWFD? (F=Flora) Say it with flowers.
WWFD? (F=Fortuna) Play the lottery.
WWFD? (F=Frigga). Spin, spin, spin.
WWGD? (G=Gaia) Remind them to worship the ground they stand on.
WWGD? (G=Ganesha) Saddle up his rat.
WWGD (G=God) Send everyone to Hell that doesn’t obey his every wish.
WWHD?(H=Hades) Tell them to go to Hell.
WWHD? (H=Hecate) Show them the right path… or is it the left?
WWHD? (H=Hera) She’d get jealous.
WWHD? (H=Hercules) He’d labor to come up with an answer.
WWHD? (H=Herne) Lead them on a Wild Hunt!
WWJD? (J=Janus) Look the other way.
WWJD? (J=Jupiter) Strike them down with a bolt from the blue.
WWKD? (K=Kali) Tear out their beating heart, drink their blood and dance on their trembling corpse. Then wear parts as jewelry.
WWKD? (K=Kwan Yin) Show them some mercy.
WWLD? (L=Loki) Turn left at the next street, buy five chickens, “borrow” some jewelry, change into a seal and steal some apples. For starters.
WWLD? (L=Luna) Moon them!
WWMD? (M=Mithras) Cut the bull!
WWMD? (M=Mars) Suit up for battle.
WWMD? (M=Mercury) Change his mind… again.
WWND? (N=Narcissus) Huh? Is there someone else here?
WWOD? (O=Odin) Take an eye out and leave them in runes.
WWPD? (P=Pan) Tell them to pipe down or fuck off.
WWPD? (P=Pluto) Hump Minnie’s leg.
WWPD? (P=Priapus) Rise to the occasion.
WWSD? (S=Sekhmet) Drown her sorrows in blood.
WWSD? (S=Set) You don’t want to know but it wont be nice.
WWSD? (S=Shiva) Smoke some weed and dance the night away.
WWTD? (T=Thor) Hammer it out.
WWTD? (T=Tyr) Arm himself.
WWTED? (TE=The Eleusinians) It’s a mystery!
WWVD? (V=Vesta) Keep the home fires burning.
WWVD (V=Venus) Stand there and be eye candy.
WWVD? (V=Vulcan) Live long and prosper. [Hey, this took a while! I was just checking to see if you got this far. After all, I suffered for this, now it’s your turn!]
WWWD (W=Wayland) Serve them a feast where their children’s skulls are the finely-fashioned drinking cups.
WWYD? (Y=Yahweh) “I hear you, I hear you. Stop with the burning bush already! OY!”
WWZD? (Z=Zeus) By Jove, he’d flirt with the girls!