I am getting ready to take Kade to the Vet. Yes, he is still alive. I called and called to see if I could get him into a Vet earlier but they had no appointments till today. So I have been nursing him and mix every potion I could to keep him alive just to get him to the Vet.
I know I am across the other day like a raving lunatic and I have felt the tension on this site the whole time I have been posting. I know I came across the other day as a total evil, money-hunger witch. Money is one topic that most site owners don’t dare talk to their members about. I have talked to several other owners of sites that are like the WOTC and they all agree with me that it does talk money to operate these sites. Sometimes the members do not realize how much it actually costs and of course, they never mention that at all because they know they would get the same response I got here.
I do not like to lose my temper because I have a very bad temper. But that day I was worried about Kade and when I came on here, I saw three comments which just sent me through the roof. Now I want you to put yourself in my place, pretend the WOTC belongs to you, ok. Now you come on the site and you see three different individuals who make the comment, “how dare you come on this site” and the comments when on to get even nastier after that. How dare I come on to this site, really? These people must have been new or else they didn’t realize who they were making that comment too. It made me very angry and I can guarantee you, those words will haunt them the rest of their lives. That is what started it all and while I was at it, I just let it all pour out. Something I don’t like to do but…. I had a lot on my mind and I really didn’t need three smart-ass people telling me, “how dare I come on my own site.” Now if that wouldn’t upset you, then you aren’t human. It flew all over me and I lost my temper.
I hate I lost my temper because I don’t like to do so. I hurt people’s feelings that I do not mean to hurt. I know the words I said cannot be taken back. What has been said, has been said. I believe in the 10 years we have been on WordPress, I have blew my stack two other times. That is a darn good record for me. There has been times I have bit my tongue and let it slide but this comment, I couldn’t let go. I did include some other words that I wish I could take back but like I said the words have been spoken and the damage is done.
I believe over the years, you that have been with us for a while, know me. You know what kind of person I really am. I am not one that usually flies off the handle at the drop of a hat. I have learned to control my temper fairly well I think. Maybe I got the wrong impression for these individuals, I don’t know I am still trying figure that one out. I have had numerous people from our past show up here and most of them have been trouble makers from our past. Maybe I had a flash back to those days. Back then it seemed that everyone and their brother wanted to take over the WOTC. Hell, I had one assistant who gave one of those people the password to the Dark Arts Library we had. Seriously, the man knew what kind of trouble this person had caused us and gave him the damn password. Can you imagine that? I couldn’t and I lived through it.
I know some of my actions are due to the past events that have happened to me and the WOTC. I shouldn’t let them reflect now on my actions that I take. But I am worse than an elephant, I never forget and unfortunately I hold grudges. It seems for the first few years, everyone tried to tear us down, It was non-stop, people who you thought were your friends had a knife stuck in your back before you knew what happened. So I guess I am a product of that environment. I always try to keep my guard up to protect the WOTC and myself. I try to keep it up to protect you and provide you with a safe place to come and feel free from the outside world. No pickering, fighting or arguments, boy did I blow that one out of the water. I will be the first to admit it, when I get on a roll I don’t have sense enough to shut-up even though I should.
I hate I said what I said but I can’t take it back. What is done, is done. I know you have hard feelings toward me and all I can ask is that you try to over look my human faults. We all have them, some of us more than others. But while you are thinking it over, I want you to think about one thing. Would you rather be in a group that the owner is ready to fight & protect the site, your beliefs and our ways or would you rather be in one that the owner rolls overs and lets everything slide? I know I said some hurtful words, I can’t ask for your forgiveness because those words are engraved in your heart. But now that you know what set me off, I would ask that you try to over look my faults. There is nothing in this world I would not do for any of you. You have been wonderful to me and the WOTC and I had no right going off like I did.
I know the last time I went off and found myself in this situation, I said the next time I would call those people out by name. I screwed up, I didn’t do that. Next time I will. Yeah right, like I will remember that. But in all seriousness I won’t you to know what set me off and I believe if you were in my shoes, it would have you too.
Those people are gone and I can guarantee you they are paying for what all they had to say. I am an easy going witch till I get crossed and then all heck breaks loose. I had a lot on my plate and those comments and those people did not help the situation at all and I lost my temper. Unfortunately, all of you had to listen to it and your feelings got hurt. I know that because like I said I can feel the tension. I don’t want that feeling here. That is not what the WOTC is about. I know I mentioned leaving the WOTC, like a fool, I played right into those people’s hand. There has been people over the years who have done everything in the book to try to get me to leave the WOTC. I hate to tell them, that will never happen. It was stupid on my part to even say it, I realize that now. I would never ever leave this site. It is my baby. We have survived a lot over the years and I am sure there will be more trials and tribulations to come. I don’t know it seems people do everything they can to destroy something successful. Why? They can stand to see other people succeed at something. Are they jealous? I have never been jealous of anyone. I have always been proud of other’s accomplishments. If people could only be proud of ours, then again that would be a miracle.
Well if I don’t hush and get off of here, I am going to miss our vet’s appointment. I can’t ask for your forgiveness because the words have already done their damage. I can only ask that you over look my faults and remember I am human just like everyone else.
Have a very blessed & magickal Beltane Eve,
Lady of the Abyss