Astrology Inspired New Year Resolutions

Keep your New Year Resolutions with help from the stars

Sally Philips on the topics of new year, astrology

It’s that time of year again, when we all promise to correct our bad habits and become perfect people. Riiiiight! As we all know, New Year resolutions are made to be broken … but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t make them.

Whether we stick to them is not always the point. It’s more about adjusting our focus each year to gain greater awareness. Little by little, that awareness can help us clean up our mucky areas and get closer to living the lives we desire.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

If one of your resolutions last year was to finish projects that are still sitting on your shelf, it’s time to box them up and make room for a brand new endeavor. Here’s the resolution you will need to make it a success: I won’t start a new project until I finish the one I’m working on.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Your fixed energy makes you great at follow through, but it can also keep you stuck in bad habits. Resolve to tackle a few of your worst ones this year. If you are true to your resolutions for just three months, you will be well on your way to breaking even the most stubborn habit.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your whirlwind life can be a lot of fun — and it certainly isn’t boring — but it might serve you well to slow down this coming year. Even though patience isn’t your strong suit, try adding a dash of it here and there. It will help you make progress in areas where your bouncy energy has actually been holding you back.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You love your routines and your security, but it’s time to get out of your comfort zone and try something new. Resolve to reach out into unknown territory and see what you find this year. If it feels scary, remember that you’re just coming up on an edge where you need to stretch.

Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)

Have you used your irresistible charms to capture emotional prisoners this past year? If you’re a player — and you know who you are — resolve to be more devoted this year. Open up that big heart of yours and take your relationships to a deeper level.

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)

Nag, nag, nag … the only time you stop is when you’re nitpicking. Okay, that’s a huge exaggeration … but chances are you’ve gotten on someone’s case a little too often this past year. Resolve to lighten up this year and let others take care of dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s.

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)

As hard as you try, you can’t have it both ways. Promise yourself you will make firmer decisions this coming year. You can still weigh all of your alternatives, but when it comes down to the line, make up your mind and stick to it. Your friends and colleagues will breathe a sigh of relief.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)

Keeping secrets adds to your mysterious allure, but there’s a limit. If you’re using your power to manipulate others, that’s where it needs to end. Resolve to be more transparent with those close to you this year. Let them in on your deepest secrets and enjoy the fruits of greater intimacy.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)

You’re good at thinking big and you shouldn’t change that this year … but you might want to put more time into developing strategies that will help you reach your lofty goals. Remember — a goal without a plan is just a dream — so make this the year you follow through.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)

Here’s your mantra-resolution: It’s not all about money. Keep pursuing the almighty dollar if you like, but also take time to smell the roses that line your path to success. Your friends and family need you. Resolve to be more generous with your time and attention.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)

Even though we all love your quirkiness, it wouldn’t hurt to develop a bit more tolerance for the traditional. As it’s the flip side of where you usually put your energy, it may feel uncomfortable. But you shine when it comes to breaking the mold, so surprise everyone (again!) with a side of you they’ve never seen.

Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)

This is the year to put your compassion to better use. Resolve to find a project where you can help others in need. Your understanding and supportive nature is a gift you need to give on a regular basis. Reach out and extend it beyond your friends and family.

Your Horoscope Animal Allies

by Annie B. Bond

Most of us know our birthstone (although I have never liked mine, preferring the one for January, go figure), but how many of us know the animals that are traditionally associated with our astrological sun sign?

Your horoscope’s power animals may surprise you! Find out what they are, right here:

You may want to honor your sun sign’s animals by bringing small pictures or figurines of them into your life, and thinking about their qualities.

Aries, March 21-April 19: Ram, tiger, leopard, stallion, vulture, magpie, robin.

Taurus, April 20-May 21: Bull, cow, dove, sparrow, swan.

Gemini, May 22-June 20: Dog, squirrel, serpent, parrot, linnet, eagle, finch.

Cancer, June 21-July 22: Crab, otter, seal, stag, heifer, unicorn, seagull, owl, white peacock.

Leo, July 23- Aug 22: Lion, wolf, griffin, peacock, rooster, eagle.

Virgo, Aug 23-Sept 22: Rooster, squirrel, magpie, parrot.

Libra, Sept 23-Oct 22: Hart, hare, dove, swan, sparrow.

Scorpio, Oct 23-Nov 21: Scorpion, wolf, panther, dog, wild boar, eagle, vulture, dragon, griffin, phoenix.

Sagittarius, Nov 22-Dec 21: Mare, lion, unicorn, eagle, peacock, bird of paradise.

Capricorn, Dec 22-Jan 19: Dog, elephant, goat, bear, owl, falcon.

Aquarius, Jan 20-Feb 18: Dog, otter, cuckoo, albatross, phoenix.

Pisces, Feb 19-March 20: Sheep, ox, seal, swan, stork, sandpiper.

the daily humorscopes for thursday, june 21

the daily humorscope

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Aries

(March 21 – April 19)

You will tell a total stranger that you’re “sick and tired of salad”, today. The stranger will recoil in shock and horror.

Taurus

(April 20 – May 20)

A moth the size of a Boeing 747 will erupt from a nearby hillside today, and go off to help a huge semi-aquatic rubbery dinosaur fight off an alien attack. So what are you doing to help?

Gemini

(May 21 – June 20)

Extremely poor day to use obscure euphemisms or medical metaphors. In particular, avoid “kajoobies” or “shvontz” like the plague.

Cancer

(June 21 – July 22)

Bad day to feed the Bengal tiger. Let someone else do it, today. Probably just an “off” batch of the Purina Tiger Chow, but why risk it?

Leo

(July 23 – August 22)

Remember that silly song The Monster Mash? Beginning today, you will start sounding a lot like the lead singer in that song.

Virgo

(August 23 – September 22)

Your perfume or cologne has too much patchoulli. Only an idiot wears patchoulli. Or a witch. Hmm. Er, never mind. Wear whatever you like. I’m sure it’s quite nice.

Libra

(September 23 – October 22)

Nobody knows the trouble you’ve seen. Except for Bob, that is. You know – the quiet neighbor, with the binoculars?

Scorpio

(October 23 – November 21)

You might consider picking up some holy water and a few stout wooden stakes. They’ll come in handy soon, although I’m not sure how.

Sagittarius

(November 22 – December 21)

You will dream about arrows without points, tonight, and it will have a deeply spiritual significance for you. You won’t know what to make of the episode with the lime jello, though.

Capricorn

(December 22 – January 20)

Beware of short people.

Aquarius

(January 21 – February 18)

Good day to avoid pickled herring.

Pisces

(February 19 – March 20)

Your main problem? You’re not eating NEARLY enough strudel.

the daily humorscopes for thursday, may 17th

the daily humorscope

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

A man with a large machine will enter your house, and make you totally miserable.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Good day to begin making a monster costume. Be sure to make it nice and comfy, since you will discover that you actually enjoy lounging around in it.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You will get the peculiar urge to go outside and roll around in something yicky. Also, you’ll notice your ears are getting hairy.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

There will be a great disturbance in the force, today. Fortunately, it will be caused by a really funny lawyer joke sweeping through the Universe, so there’s no reason for you to worry.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

You will write some office email soon that positively sparkles with comic irony. You’ll be asked to knock it off.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

You will find that if you deliberately mispronounce “sir” as “sair”, you can answer a lot of questions with either “yes air” or “nose hair.”

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Arachnids will be especially troublesome today. Chances are only fair that you will make it through the day without tangling with one or more giant Amazonian tarantulas. Keep a stick within reach, is my advice. A big stick.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

You will have more psychotronic energy today than usual. I recommend that you direct it towards the fridge. There’s something alive in there.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You will stack furniture in the bathtub, today. That’s just the sort of thing you would do, your friends will say.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)

Your plans to take over the world move forward to the next stage, soon, right on schedule. What you need now is a hunch-backed henchperson with pale protruding eyes. Fortunately for you, a suitable candidate will soon show up at your door, dressed as a peanut.

Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)

A coworker is going to steal one of your best ideas and claim it as his own. That’s about what you should expect, though, from a cow “orker”.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Work has been stressful for you lately, and you’re not likely to see much change for the better unless you take matters into your own hands. This is a situation that calls for subtle guerilla tactics. Your best bet is to get up really early, and bake fresh cinnamon rolls to bring to work. Studies show that it’s really, really hard to dislike someone who gives you a fresh homemade cinnamon roll. Career advancement never tasted so good!

the daily humorscopes for monday, may 14th

the daily humorscope

Monday, May 14, 2012

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Today you will put your foot down, regarding your turn at dinner preparation versus dining out. In other words, “if you ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You will need two torches, a sword, leather armor, and a significant amount of courage today. And for heaven’s sake, don’t forget the twine.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Today you will become a digger. Dig, dig, dig. That’s all you’ll think of, for months. You will discover an amazingly large diamond, about 27 feet down, and will be fabulously rich after that. Not that you’ll give me any credit, of course. Ingrate!

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Don’t go out today, without a spatula. I can’t say more.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

People will begin complimenting you on how clean you are. You will find this strangely irritating.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Today you will realize that you’ve always wanted to have the biggest ball of string in town, and will start collecting odd bits of string at every opportunity. Eventually, you will make it into the Guiness Book of World Records, right next to the Giant Happy Tape Ball record set by Mr. S. Boondoggle.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Today one or more close relations will pout. You will stoically endure this, and will steadfastly refuse to relinquish control of the remote control.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

An old man with bad teeth will whack you with his cane today, as you walk past. He’ll pretend it was an accident.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Excellent day to make strange mouth noises, particularly in a crowded elevator.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)

Excellent day to go into politics. Make up a new government position, such as “Regional Manager, Dept. of The Posterior”, and put up hundreds of posters of yourself. With any luck, it will be years before anyone notices that there is actually no such job.

Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)

It’s about time you became better acquainted with mustard. Get yourself 7 different kinds of mustard, and try them with oven baked home fried potatoes, or in sandwiches with good bread and fresh vegetables and some excellent Swiss cheese. My granddaddy Stonebender always used to say “Take a big enough bite of strong mustard, and your other problems will seem insignificant.”

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You should learn something from your cat — no matter what you’ve done wrong, you can always try to make it look like the dog did it.

What Does Your Sun-Sign Seek?

Annie B. Bond

Our sun-sign horoscope can give us a simple but powerful affirmation of what it is we seek in this life. As we begin the new year we could all benefit from this reminder, to help us stay on the path that is right for us.

Find out what your sun sign tells you about your deepest soul nature, and what it is you seek, here:

Aries, March 21-April 19: I seek my Self. I accept my energy and ability to launch new actions for the betterment and benefit of myself or for others.

Taurus, April 20-May 21: I seek my Self through what I have. I use stability and persistence for the benefit of myself and others.

Gemini, May 22-June 20: I seek my Self through what I think. My keen perceptive intuition is all that is needed for the evolution of myself and others.

Cancer, June 21-July 22: I seek my Self through what I feel. I am the star in a sea of stars, I am Water and the Moon, I provide the haven, the safe haven, in the universe.

Leo, July 23- Aug 22: I seek my Self through what I create. I am the Monarch of the universe, I am the Heart of hearts. I am the heart of Creative energy.

Virgo, Aug 23-Sept 22: I seek my Self through what I learn. I am the Magician of the universe. I accept the healing and magical powers I have or will use. The key for tapping into my deeper resource is the ever-increasing acceptance of who I am now.

Libra, Sept 23-Oct 22: I seek my Self through what I unite. I hold the celestial balance in my hands; I am the Cosmic Judge. I am the artist and the lover, Peacemaker of the Heavens.

Scorpio, Oct 23-Nov 21: I seek my Self through what I desire. I am the Transformer, I am the Keeper of Mysteries, I am the Mystic.

Sagittarius, Nov 22-Dec 21: I seek, therefore I am. I am the Seer of the Zodiac. I am the future now. I remember the future.

Capricorn, Dec 22-Jan 19: I seek my Self through what I use. I am enterprising, the Builder, the Organizer who looks toward higher orders, greater justice, constantly building relationships, families, communities, and countries.

Aquarius, Jan 20-Feb 18: I seek my Self through Humanity. I am the Truth Sayer, the Scientist, the Revolutionary. I am the genius Sign of the Zodiac.

Pisces, Feb 19-March 20: I seek my Self when I don’t seek my Self. I amt he Beloved, I am the Loving, I am the Poet. I am the Divine Dark Warrior, I am the Divine White Healer.

Your Horoscope Vacation

Cait Johnson

The ideal vacation for a fiery, active Aries will probably look very different than the getaway for a tradition-loving Taurus or a super-organized Virgo, for instance. The wisdom from our sun sign can show us how to get the maximum in soul-nurturance from our summer break.

Find out what your horoscope can tell you about your ideal vacation here:

Aries, March 21-April 19: You will probably prefer a break that includes a lot of physical activity: surfing, kayaking, hiking, or vigorous sightseeing. If the rest of your family prefers loafing on the beach, find ways to stay on an even keel by doing yoga or tai chi in the sand.

Taurus, April 20-May 21: Taurus people generally prefer going to places that are familiar and traditional. This year, you might want to hoist yourself out of your rut and go someplace new. Wherever you go, you will find the deepest nurturance in the fertile green energy of nature.

Gemini, May 22-June 20: Geminis sometimes find it hard to feel grounded and to quiet their quickly-moving minds. You might consider taking a meditation retreat to help yourself be deeply present and still. If your family wants to do a theme park instead, just make sure you take time to go someplace quiet and simply sit.

Cancer, June 21-July 22: It can be difficult to get sensitive home-loving Cancers to go anywhere, but the seaside is a natural choice if you do decide to leave the safety and comfort of home. Allow the sound of the surf to bring you ease.

Leo, July 23- Aug 22: Most Leos love vacations that offer plenty of opportunity for your vitality to shine, so anything from karaoke singing to drama workshops to simply being the tour guide for your family may all appeal. You are a natural activities-director and entertainer, so enjoy!

Virgo, Aug 23-Sept 22: It is all too easy for Virgos to get caught up in the details of planning the vacation and forget to relax and be in the moment. But time spent gardening (or visiting famous gardens) or simply indulging in wonderful organic meals will help to soothe you.

Libra, Sept 23-Oct 22: Harmony-loving Libras may find they are more focused on pleasing everyone else when it comes to taking a vacation than in pleasing themselves. Be sure to feed your sensitive spirit with plenty of beauty, both natural and human: art museums and natural vistas both will offer soul-food.

Scorpio, Oct 23-Nov 21: Because Scorpios are so drawn to the depths, your ideal vacation may involve a spiritual workshop of some kind, or learning an esoteric practice, or doing deep couples work with your partner. If not, then snorkeling or scuba-diving might offer a literal way for you to explore those depths of which you are so fond.

Sagittarius, Nov 22-Dec 21: Sparkly Sagittarians usually need plenty of activity and social interaction to feed their souls. Your ideal vacation might involve a group tour of some interesting spot or a glimpse of another culture.

Capricorn, Dec 22-Jan 19: Work-oriented Capricorns usually need to be pried away from their desks and routines with a crowbar, but if you do decide you deserve a break, time spent in the mountains or some other expansive view will help you to unwind.

Aquarius, Jan 20-Feb 18: Your fertile imagination will take pleasure in coming up with meaningful activities to share with your closest loved ones. Anything that offers spiritual inspiration will be likely to engage and nurture you.

Pisces, Feb 19-March 20: Because of your dedication to service, your ideal vacation may involve some kind of environmental or social outreach: helping to clean up a park or building a house for the needy may appeal to your altruistic nature. If your family just wants to have fun, you can channel your need to help in smaller but no less important ways.

Your Horoscope Spirit Profile

Annie B. Bond

Most of us have read the personality descriptions on the online horoscope sites, or in the newspaper. But here is a somewhat deeper look at your Sun Sign’s primary qualities, seen from the perspective of the spirit.

Find out more about your deeper nature, right here:

Aries, March 21-April 19: Forceful, self-willed, enthusiastic, exaggerative, passionate, extrovert, pioneer, courageous, self-sufficient, idealistic.

Taurus, April 20-May 21: Strong-willed, toiling, practical, sensuous, musical, literary, artistic, temperate, moist, fruitful, magnetic, beneficent, intractable.

Gemini, May 22-June 20: Communicative, inventive, alert, inquisitive, swift, sharp, versatile, dry, mental, ardent, youthful, mobile, idealistic.

Cancer, June 21-July 22: Reflection, sensitivity, memory, receptiveness, fluctuation, responsiveness, sympathy, magnetism.

Leo, July 23- Aug 22: Initiation, power, glory, vigor, ardor, beneficence, creative force, self-expression, full of ideas, talent.

Virgo, Aug 23-Sept 22: Practicality, discernment, intelligence, healing (health, hygiene, diet), duty, fundamentals, craftsmanship, purity.

Libra, Sept 23-Oct 22: Harmony, gentleness, stability, discrimination, beauty, affection, partnership, marriage, social awareness, justice.

Scorpio, Oct 23-Nov 21: Power, energy, intensity, will, magnetism, subtlety, resurrection, elimination, renewal, resolution.

Sagittarius, Nov 22-Dec 21: Honesty, clarity, dignity, benevolence, magnanimity, jollity, encompassing quality, optimism, loyalty, independence, generosity, love of education, literature, justice.

Capricorn, Dec 22-Jan 19: Responsibility, duty, toil, enquiry, restraint, secrecy, discipline, patience, persistence, doggedness, indefatigable aspiration, limitation, taciturnity, practicality, idealism.

Aquarius, Jan 20-Feb 18: Independence, turbulence, fellowship, friendship, relationship, originality, genius, brotherhood, abstraction, optimism, intellect, remoteness, literature, science, inventiveness, peace, artistry, inspiration, perversity, tenacity, intuition.

Pisces, Feb 19-March 20: Intuitive, impressionable, fanciful, naïve, free spirit, unworldly, creative, imaginative, clairvoyant, retiring, vulnerable, studious, romantic, emotional, trusting, vacillating, melancholy, indecisive, insecure, artistic.

Your Horoscope New Year’s Resolutions

Annie B. Bond

‘Tis the season to make New Year resolutions–and to break them just as quickly, at least partly because the very language of most resolutions (“I will lose weight! I will stop smoking!”) is punitive and belittling to the soul. But our horoscope sun-sign can point the way to a life-affirming resolution your spirit can really get behind.

These resolutions speak a powerful, positive language that our spiritual selves respond to, in accordance with what is best in us, and working hand in hand with our deeper purpose in life. Find out the affirming resolution for your sun-sign, here:

Aries, March 21-April 19: I will allow my courage to blaze new trails in my life.

Taurus, April 20-May 21: I will focus on my inner garden, growing what I truly need.

Gemini, May 22-June 20: I will share my ideas with ease, finding playmates of the spirit with every word I speak.

Cancer, June 21-July 22: I will trust that my sensitive heart is continually nourished by pleasant memories and creativity.

Leo, July 23- Aug 22: I will know that my vital imagination is the fiery force that can change my life for the better.

Virgo, Aug 23-Sept 22: I will give thought to the messages of healing my body is sending me, and the ways I can give my body what it needs.

Libra, Sept 23-Oct 22: I will create something beautiful today out of my deep love for Beauty.

Scorpio, Oct 23-Nov 21: I will rise up again and again, filled with the power of renewal.

Sagittarius, Nov 22-Dec 21: I will speak the ideals of my heart clearly and with compassion for my self and others.

Capricorn, Dec 22-Jan 19: I will begin behaving as if my most important responsibility is to express my true nature.

Aquarius, Jan 20-Feb 18: I will be open to fresh new ideas that help me strengthen the bonds of community.

Pisces, Feb 19-March 20: I will believe that my deep intuition is a benefit to all my relations.

What Does Your Sun-Sign Seek?

Annie B. Bond