Your Daily Horoscopes for July 23

Little things that typically pass unnoticed may now stand out with great emphasis. Today begins with the Moon in analytical Virgo, focusing our attention on the finer points of life. However, she shifts into agreeable Libra at 6:38 pm EDT, encouraging us to take everything a bit less seriously. Meanwhile, the cosmic lovers, Venus and Mars, form an otherworldly septile that can touch us with a simple twist of fate and turn a romance inside out.

Aries Horoscope (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

It’s challenging to know how much to reveal when talking about a current problem. You might believe that you have a concrete plan that will work, but you are likely to misjudge the size of the task. Unfortunately, you don’t have sufficient time to go back to the drawing board. You must simply engage the issue in real time without certainty and do the best you can. The more you take care of today, the easier it will be tomorrow.

Taurus Horoscope (Apr 20 – May 20)

You might have thought that minimal effort would be enough to accomplish your goals today, but it’s beginning to dawn on you that it’s going to take a lot more work. Fortunately, you’re not easily discouraged and anyway, being hard on yourself is counterproductive. If unexpected difficulties slow you down now, keep applying steady pressure for the best possible results.

Gemini Horoscope (May 21 – Jun 20)

It doesn’t matter how hard you’re pushing yourself now or how fast you are already going, since you’re dependent on circumstances outside of your control. The smartest strategy is to consciously slow down before someone else does it for you. It may be frustrating trying to overcome the current resistances head on. Instead, relax and let the events dictate the speed at which you move. Take it easy and enjoy the journey rather than focusing on your destination.

Cancer Horoscope (June 21 – Jul 22)

A complete shift of plans might be somewhat upsetting, even if it’s necessary. Remember that your ideas may be totally valid; you just need to take something into account that wasn’t apparent when you first made your plans. Don’t look at the difficulties you face as a failure. This is merely a test to see if you are listening to the feedback the universe is giving you.

Leo Horoscope (Jul 23 – Aug 22)

Your determination continues to create progress in your life, but it’s useful to stop long enough to take stock in what you have already accomplished. Make time to analyze what you truly want and then revise your plans so they reflect your desires. Don’t worry if satisfaction seems just out of reach now. Do what you must while believing that the good times will return.

Virgo Horoscope (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

You are becoming increasingly focused on your goals, but the Moon in your sign stirs dissatisfaction with your current situation. Before initiating any major changes in your life, make a list of what you have already done and what is left to do. Finish up as much as you can, even if your work isn’t quite up to your exacting standards. You’ll feel much better about what’s going on now as you look forward to something special in your future.

Libra Horoscope (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

Your desire to keep everyone happy may be challenged today, especially if you believe that you can change someone else’s feelings. Ironically, the more you push for peace, the more you contribute to the tension. An awkward interaction has all the makings of a losing battle. Nevertheless, exercising patience and letting go of control can allow for an equitable solution.

Scorpio Horoscope (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

You may feel uneasy about a topic you don’t really want to discuss now, even though your inner voice encourages you to speak up. Nevertheless, you might still try to avoid a subject that could complicate a close relationship. Fortunately, you should be able to push past your resistance because you know that temporarily making a situation worse can actually transform it to ultimately bring you happiness. A calculated risk could clear the air of tension that’s been lingering around for too long.

Sagittarius Horoscope (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

Although your life appears to be running smoothly, you could find yourself working through an unexpected crisis with a close friend or co-worker today. Someone with good intentions might not realize that you’re upset and the more others say or do now, the worse you feel. But there’s no need to stop anyone from talking because that will only raise the frustration level even higher. It’s best to take a break and wait it out; everything will settle down faster than you think.

Capricorn Horoscope (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

You are a natural when it comes to sensible planning. You’re able to work long and hard to reach your goals. Usually, you reserve some energy for when you need it, but something is pushing you from within now and tempting you to burn all your fuel at once. Nevertheless, it’s really not a good idea. You won’t get what you want any faster, so retain some resources for next month when you will surely need them to sustain your momentum.

Aquarius Horoscope (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

You may attempt to slog your way through an obstacle course that continues to hold you back, but you’ll face the consequences of your foolishness unless you get it right. This isn’t the best time to try an unproven shortcut or any clever maneuvers. Simply apply yourself in a steady manner, even if you don’t seem to be making a lot of progress. There’s no need for panic; you are accomplishing more than you realize and others will soon notice your work.

Pisces Horoscope (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

There’s no quick escape route for you now, so don’t even bother wasting your time and energy trying to avoid your work. However, backing off just a little is a good idea; it allows someone else to take the reins for a while. Sharing the burden of leadership lightens your sense of responsibility and can bring you a bit of much-needed freedom. The changes may not be huge, but even a small shift has a positive effect on your attitude.

Your Magickal Correspondence for Saturday, July 20

Saturn lends its energies to the last day of the week. Because Saturn is the planet of karma, this day is an excellent time for spellwork involving reincarnation, karmic lessons, the Mysteries, wisdom, and long-term projects. It is also a good time to being efforts that deal with the elderly, death, or the eradication of pests and disease.

Daily Horoscopes for Wednesday, July 18

We are ready to rebel against anything that constrains us today. Or, others may act out our need for freedom now if we try to deny it. Either way, an erratic Mars-Uranus opposition creates unstable tension. Although the emotionally sensitive Cancer Moon might increase our fear of change, we’re still likely to put ourselves in risky situations that raise our adrenaline levels prior to the Cancer New Moon tomorrow morning at 12:24 am EDT.

Aries Horoscope (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

This is a power-packed day with red-hot Mars negotiating between your desire for independence and your need to be loved. Remember, Mars is not known as a peacemaker, so his brand of diplomacy may incite conflict today. Things might reach a tipping point when you don’t know what’s going to happen next. Nevertheless, real progress toward finding lasting solutions can be made if you build the future upon mutual respect and positive intentions.

Taurus Horoscope (Apr 20 – May 20)

Don’t lose sight of the value of your common sense since a total breakdown of routine at work can be circumvented if you maintain your composure. However, no one wants to face the difficult issues until all parties realize what’s at stake. Don’t be afraid to take an unpopular stand if necessary, for the current circumstances may require a disruption just to get everyone’s attention.

Gemini Horoscope (May 21 – Jun 20)

Usually you are the clever one who can miraculously pull a solution out of thin air, even if it is not a permanent one. But today, every tactic you try is met with surprising resistance or an unexpected response. The uncertainty is enough to make you lose confidence in your own ability to communicate. Don’t give up; your persistence could pay off once you hit on a strategy that settles down the energy.

Cancer Horoscope (June 21 – Jul 22)

Relying on your intuition now is a smart way to stay on your path. However, just because you know how to respond, this doesn’t mean that you’ll be able to do what you believe is right. In fact, you may feel as if your route to success is being blocked. Everything at work seems to be out of control, yet you aren’t comfortable expressing your feelings. Office politics are complicated, but restrained action and clear communication prevent things from falling apart.

Leo Horoscope (Jul 23 – Aug 22)

Something may not go according to your plans today, even if you’re fully prepared. You carefully studied your lines and you know how to play your part, but it’s as if someone changed the plot and your lines are no longer relevant. You may even feel as if the other players have been given new scripts and no one informed you. Don’t lose control of your feelings; showing your anger will only make things worse. This is a test to see if you can let go of your personal agenda and graciously adapt to the changing scenery.

Virgo Horoscope (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

Your logical analysis is usually a source of reason, but today it just makes everything unbearable. You can see what’s wrong and, fortunately, you know how to fix it. But you’re not in control. The harder you work to stabilize the situation, the crazier it becomes. Be aware that the dynamics of a relationship may have to get shaky for a while before they are able to improve.

Libra Horoscope (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

This might not be the kind of pleasant day that you Libras dream about. It’s challenging to figure out exactly what is happening today, but it is apparent that loose ends defy being tied. Forget about putting everything back into balance now; you’ll only grow more aggravated if you try. Instead, concentrate on cooperating with others and you’ll make it through the day with flying colors.

Scorpio Horoscope (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

Although you might like the idea of a romantic involvement, your need for self-determination is very strong now. Ironically, you won’t let someone else steer your car, even if you asked him or her to drive it. It doesn’t matter what kind of logic you apply to your current dilemma today; you still may not be able to figure out the best course of action because you are conflicted over the situation. Go ahead and do what feels right in the moment, but don’t focus on the distant destination just yet.

Sagittarius Horoscope (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

The cosmic tension affects nearly everyone today, yet you Archers seem to get away with pulling a few strings of your own. You can actually help someone work through a difficult situation while others just seem to make it worse. Thankfully, your actions have a powerful impact, but you’ll be even more effective now if you refrain from pushing your needs onto anyone else. Listening with an open mind is your secret strategy.

Capricorn Horoscope (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

It may not matter today how much you have prepared for a big event. You might be better off to throw your strategy to the winds and simply start all over again. Fortunately, this is not as difficult as it sounds, for the real lesson of the day is about releasing buried tensions and re-establishing any lost integrity. Toss your battle plan if you must, but don’t negotiate away your feelings of security. Your chances for success are greater when you honor your own position.

Aquarius Horoscope (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Although it seems as if you can’t rely on anyone today, everything that’s happening is actually a projection of your own experiences. You might be feeling as if you’re stretched to a breaking point and the only solution is to stir things up even more by acting unpredictably. Don’t resist the current changes; be the initiator instead of the victim.

Pisces Horoscope (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

An unexpected encounter might prompt you to question a long-standing belief that has come between you and someone else. You are tempted to just throw your hands up in despair and walk away from a conflict, but it’s healthier to confront your fears, instead. Your world is transforming and you may have to alter your basic assumptions about yourself. Be courageous; stepping outside of your comfort zone and embracing change is the most direct path to re-establishing the stability you desire.

Daily Horoscopes for Thursday, July 12

We can use today to take a few deep breaths and begin to integrate what has transpired over the past couple of weeks. Thankfully, the sensual Taurus Moon encourages realism over idealism. Traditionally, the Moon is quite comfortable in the sign of the Bull; she gives us enough stability to stay in touch with our changing feelings without fear of losing our center of gravity. Our unwavering determination enables us to reach our goals.

Aries Horoscope (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

You may get a bit lazy today because something tells you that everything is going to be OK. You know that worrying won’t help matters, even if some things are not quite right. The fact is that there aren’t any quick fixes to life’s current intriguing dilemmas, so let yourself off the hook for now. There is nothing you must do except be fully present in the moment. The rest will follow.

Taurus Horoscope (Apr 20 – May 20)

This is an opportune time to recharge your batteries now that the Moon is back in your sign. Even if you are busy fulfilling your commitments, find small pockets of time to do absolutely nothing at all. Giving yourself permission to contemplate life without the need to be productive is an excellent way to reconnect with what’s truly important.

Gemini Horoscope (May 21 – Jun 20)

Don’t let down your guard today or you could find yourself an unwitting participant in someone else’s drama. Sure, you may have a role to play in what’s going down, but it’s time to step back from the action or you’ll get pulled into something that’s bigger than what you bargained for. Instead of trying to directly affect the outcome, take a more spiritual approach to gain a better perspective on the big picture.

Cancer Horoscope (June 21 – Jul 22)

By now you have probably made a choice that will carry you well in to the future. Although your plans are in an early stage of development, you can still make adjustments to them. But, on some level, the deal is done. You’ve gone through a period of serious questioning and now it’s time to concentrate on putting your ideas into action, even if you don’t see results overnight.

Leo Horoscope (Jul 23 – Aug 22)

You might find yourself in a situation where people seem to be relying on you more than you think is healthy. But don’t just brush everyone’s overtures aside. Instead, find the inner strength to express clearly what you can do while admitting what is beyond your reach. You don’t have to fend for anyone now but yourself, so your friends will appreciate your honesty more than your denial.

Virgo Horoscope (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

Applying your analytical skills to your future goals is a valuable exercise now. However, even if you’ve been thinking about a quick getaway or a longer vacation, don’t put off the planning since you have a rare combination of planetary help available today. Your imagination can conjure up an ideal adventure for you and someone special. However, it’s up to you to bring your dreams down to earth.

Libra Horoscope (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

It seems as if the storm clouds are lifting, but your positive forecast may still be a few days out. Although the emotional skies aren’t totally clear yet, you’re already seeing the welcoming patches of blue amidst the turbulence. Be patient; don’t try to push the dark clouds away. They will continue to drift off on their own accord as you learn to appreciate the rains they bring. Remember, finding the silver lining in a cloud can be its own reward.

Scorpio Horoscope (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

You feel a bit more upbeat today as you simplify your life and clarify your needs. Sometimes things seem way more complicated to you than they do to other people. Of course, others aren’t always as perceptive as you are and they do not understand what you see. Nevertheless, eliminating some of the outer noise allows you to get even better at hearing your own inner voice.

Sagittarius Horoscope (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

There’s plenty to do today, and it seems as if you are finally ready to attack your assigned tasks. It’s not that you have been lazy during the first half of this week; it’s just that there is a lot going on that continues to distract you from your normal routine. Nevertheless, it’s better to keep going through the motions, even if your heart isn’t into it now. Instead of looking to do things differently, concentrate for a while on crossing things off your list.

Capricorn Horoscope (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

You can do nearly anything you put your mind toward today, since your pragmatic nature helps you create a concrete plan to accomplish your goals. Thankfully, your focus is strong and you are determined to do whatever must be done in order to meet your obligations. Although you may be tired and work-weary, if you think you can, then you can. Don’t wait for a better time; start now.

Aquarius Horoscope (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

An emotional conflict today might not be as overwhelming as your recent experiences. In fact, you may not be too concerned at all because you can approach the entire situation in an objective manner, enabling you to rationalize your feelings. Keep in mind that an intellectual orientation allows you to hide your vulnerability, preventing others from getting too close to you. Show your courage by being honest and admitting that you don’t have all the answers.

Pisces Horoscope (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

Even though your feelings can still be quite strong today, your life seems a little calmer. Somehow, you seem to know that you’ll end up exactly where you need to be as long as you move with the tidal flow. However, going contrary to the currents will tire you out. Resistance is futile, so save your strength for when you need it most.

the daily humorscopes for thursday, july 12

the daily humorscopes

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Aries

(March 21 – April 19)

A tomato features in todays cuisine. Sadly, that’s going to be your pinacle of excitement for today.

Taurus

(April 20 – May 20)

Excellent day to crouch behind furniture, and peer over the top. If you can do that while wearing one of those Groucho Marx noses, so much the better.

Gemini

(May 21 – June 20)

Excellent day to study gastroenterology, or possibly to go bowling.

Cancer

(June 21 – July 22)

Today you will receive a gift horse. Unfortunately, it will have a really horrendous case of gingivitis.

Leo

(July 23 – August 22)

You will attain your dream of having your own cooking show, but it will become tiresome when you have to battle your way past people dressed as chickens to get into the studio each day.

Virgo

(August 23 – September 22)

It’s about time you learned some more recipes dealing with zucchini. Lots and lots of zucchini. You’ll need one of those new Martha Stewart “Kitchen Shovels”, I’m afraid. The good news is, you’ll find several nice zucchini recipes in my new cookbook “Recipes For Disaster” (the sequel to “Another Fine Mess”).

Libra

(September 23 – October 22)

Despite having a brilliant mind and a lot of terrific friends, you find yourself stagnating in a quiet backwater, with financial success nowhere in sight. You will go into business for yourself, however, making frozen Piroshki based on your grandmother’s recipe, and will become rich and famous. Your grandmother will thwap you with her umbrella.

Scorpio

(October 23 – November 21)

You will get a new job, soon, in which your most important activity will be to periodically “jiggle a little thingy”. While it will pay well, this will prove to be somewhat awkward to explain at parties. Eventually you will hit on the ploy of saying you sell insurance…

Sagittarius

(November 22 – December 21)

Today, someone named “Svlad” will appear at your door, carrying a large inflatable penguin and a bag of pistachio nuts. Despite your better judgement, you will let him in.

Capricorn

(December 22 – January 20)

You will contemplate nothingness today, but somethingness will keep intruding upon your thoughts.

Aquarius

(January 21 – February 18)

You will discover an odd amulet in an old curio shop, which is made entirely of holmium and yttrium, and which strongly interferes with the normal functioning of electronics. Best not to play with things like that.

Pisces

(February 19 – March 20)

Someone will ask you for your advice. Don’t give it! Or if they insist, simply shake your head solemnly, and mutter “Much bad juju”, and refuse to clarify. They only want a scapegoat.

Your Daily Horoscopes for Tuesday, July 10

We are likely to react emotionally, yet still withhold any outward display as the impulsive Aries Moon squares the passive Cancer Sun, emphasizing the difference between how we feel and what we express. We must make choices by trying to balance our enthusiasm with sensitivity. A spiritual Moon-Neptune alignment can be confusing now by tempting us with unrealistic fantasies, yet our dreams still offer rewards if we’re willing to explore them.

Aries Horoscope (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

Your air of optimism may dissipate as you think about letting others know exactly what’s on your mind. However, if you do tell all you might have a mess on your hands to clean up afterward. Discretion is important or you could needlessly hurt the feelings of someone you really like. An act of kindness is worth far more than a self-indulgent disclosure.

Taurus Horoscope (Apr 20 – May 20)

You would like to be by yourself today, but there may be too much going on for you to completely withdraw. It appears that you cannot have it either way. If you are home alone, you can’t keep your mind off the fun things you could be doing. And if you are out with friends or family, you just want some quiet time to yourself. No matter what, don’t fall into the trap of blaming your dissatisfaction on anyone else. Make the most of where you are in the present moment without trying to be somewhere else.

Gemini Horoscope (May 21 – Jun 20)

Your friends may be the source of a current dilemma, especially if they have one agenda and you have another. Social activities can play an important role in your weekend, but you might be bored with the agreed-upon schedule. Don’t let yourself get roped into doing anything you cannot easily escape. Establishing your boundaries up front is wiser than suffering the consequences of just going along with the crowd.

Cancer Horoscope (June 21 – Jul 22)

Instead of being in charge of a group activity, you would rather have everyone share in the responsibilities now. You really don’t have much patience since everything seems to take longer than it should. Instead of hurrying others along, try slowing yourself down. You may be surprised at how well this unorthodox strategy works for you today.

Leo Horoscope (Jul 23 – Aug 22)

You are ready for a vacation and even if you cannot take an extended one, a quick weekend getaway should be enough to alleviate the pressure. Don’t worry if you haven’t made any plans yet. A spontaneous day trip can be just what the doctor ordered. But if you’re already booked for the day, at least pick a weekend on the calendar and start planning your great escape.

Virgo Horoscope (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

A new approach in your dealings with an intimate partner or a business associate might be enough to change a difficult dynamic. But don’t expect to make gains without some sort of uncomfortable confrontation first. Once you put your feelings out on the table, others will be able to engage you on an emotional level and this can make all the difference in the world.

Libra Horoscope (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

A conflict that’s been quietly brewing for several days might explode into a full-blown argument today. Although you believe that you have an airtight case, keep in mind that someone else may be thinking the same thing. Paradoxically, reality can support multiple points of view, so don’t turn this into a fight to the finish. Instead, find a way that allows both of you to be right.

Scorpio Horoscope (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

Discovering new ways to do the same old things brightens your day with fun and excitement. But just because you have a great idea doesn’t mean you can turn it into reality. Rather than trying to take on too much and fix everything today, just make one small improvement to your routine. Proactive change has a greater positive impact than you realize.

Sagittarius Horoscope (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

Although you would like today to be a play day you have previous commitments to fulfill, making it difficult to just go off and have fun. If you do ignore your current responsibilities, you might end up feeling so guilty that you cannot enjoy yourself, anyhow. Don’t be in such a hurry to run out on your obligations. Instead, bring others into your confidence by letting them know about your desires. They may be more willing to compromise in such a way that you get some time off, anyhow.

Capricorn Horoscope (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

Spending some time at home today might not be as relaxing as you wish, for your day is filled with excitement no matter what you do. Instead of trying to withdraw from the action, engage it head on. By involving yourself voluntarily, you’ll end up feeling more in control. And even if you try to go off on your own, you’ll still get pulled into the day’s events. Letting go of control allows you to enjoy yourself more than you could imagine.

Aquarius Horoscope (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Your day can feel like one personal crisis after another if you attempt to spend it in solitude, because others will likely be more involved with your business than you wish. Even if you are left alone, you probably won’t be able to completely relax since you have work to do. Although you believe you know what’s best, be flexible and let your friends influence your plans. Expect the unexpected and enjoy the ride.

Pisces Horoscope (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

Retail therapy might make you feel better today, but this is merely masking a symptom of a deeper issue. Your values are changing and you are eager to surround yourself with material objects that reflect your new outlook on life. Go ahead and honor your impulse to spend money, but avoid buyer’s remorse by making sure that your purchase is also practical.

Your Magickal Correspondence for Saturday, July 7th

Magickal Intentions: Spirit Communications, Meditation, Psychic Attack or Defense, Locating Lost Things and Missing Persons, Building, Life, Doctrine, Protection, Knowledge, Authority, Limitations, Boundaries, Time and Death
Incense: Black Poppy Seed and Myrrh
Planet: Saturn
Sign: Capricorn and Aquarius
Angel: Cassiel
Colors: Black, Grey and Indigo
Herbs/Plants: Myrrh, Moss, Hemlock, Wolfsbane, Coltsfoot, Nightshade and Fir
Stones: Jet, Smokey Quartz, Amethyst, Black Onyx, Snowflake Obsidian, Lava, Pumice
Oil: (Saturn) Cypress, Mimosa, Myrrh, Patchouli
Saturn lends its energies to the last day of the week. Because Saturn is the planet of karma, this day is an excellent time for spellwork involving reincarnation, karmic lessons, the Mysteries, wisdom, and long-term projects. It is also a good time to being efforts that deal with the elderly, death, or the eradication of pests and disease.

The Daily Horoscopes for Wednesday, July 4th

Let freedom ring today! We have an opportunity to express our desires as irrepressible Uranus electrifies communicator Mercury and romantic Venus. Nevertheless, we still want to gain ground today since the ambitious Capricorn Moon is like a sure-footed Mountain Goat who can climb steep hills and reach heights beyond our greatest expectations. Long-range planning becomes more important when the Moon shifts into futuristic Aquarius at 8:25 pm EDT.

Aries Horoscope (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

It feels as if new information is bombarding you from multiple directions today, encouraging you to change your mind. However, what you learn now doesn’t necessarily arrive through normal communication channels. It’s as if you have been offered a direct pipeline to the center of the cosmos, but the truth is that it’s really coming from your own imagination. Write down your dreams, for they can tell you exactly what you need to know.

Taurus Horoscope (Apr 20 – May 20)

Your current attempts at taking it easy are shattered as friends shock you into a new frame of reference. Normally, you’re resistant to this type of sudden change, but now your mind races ahead eagerly to integrate the exciting ideas. Make the most of your newly found intellectual freedom while you are still riding high from the adrenaline rush.

Gemini Horoscope (May 21 – Jun 20)

Sudden changes in your career can bring unexpected fluctuations to your financial condition in the form of an unexpected windfall or an unplanned expenditure. Remember, you are likely to react impulsively as your mind makes quantum leaps, so don’t assume that your edgy thinking is without flaws. Reconsider large purchases before you buy something you may later regret.

Cancer Horoscope (June 21 – Jul 22)

Your emotional sensitivity is strong now as other people insist that you do things in a specific manner. You may have a different idea, yet it’s hard to put your feelings into words. Meanwhile, others may think that you’re holding back a big secret because you appear a bit nervous, but don’t buy into their insecurities. Let your own emotions be your guide and not the fears of others.

Leo Horoscope (Jul 23 – Aug 22)

Your thoughts can tug you into strange and unfamiliar waters today, and you must travel alone on this short journey of the soul. You may be working on the solution to a particular problem, yet now you are poised to make a larger intellectual breakthrough. Nevertheless, don’t push your thoughts onto everyone else; you can share your ideas with your friends when you return.

Virgo Horoscope (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

Clever Mercury, your key planet, receives a brilliant electric shock from Uranus the Awakener today, brightening your dreams and bringing your nervous system into the present moment. Your interactions with everyone else may be precise, but don’t think that you know where each conversation will take you. Remain flexible and your willingness to change will teach you much about yourself and your world.

Libra Horoscope (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

Be outrageously original and as unconventional as possible instead of trying to please everyone today. Your creativity is running strong now as your key planet Venus is zapped by the high voltage of Uranus. Breaking out of expected behaviors can actually strengthen your hand, so be experimental, even a bit rebellious, as you move outside your normal boundaries.

Scorpio Horoscope (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

It feels as if you’re watching short movie trailers of your future possibilities, and it may not be quite what you were expecting. Don’t worry; these fantasies don’t necessarily reveal your fate. Rather, they’re your way to rebel against the status quo. There may be ideas worth pursuing that get lost in the sheer volume of original thoughts sparking through your brain. If something makes sense, write it down quickly so it doesn’t get lost in the noise.

Sagittarius Horoscope (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

Your initial reaction to grow and evolve may be a reflection of your need to control something that is beyond your sphere of influence. Thankfully, you can see that things are shifting for good reason. Unfortunately, you may not be ready to jump on the next opportunity that comes along. Luckily, tensions will release once you accept the new direction you are required to take.

Capricorn Horoscope (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

Normally you try to build your reality on stable foundations, yet trouble develops if you become overly rigid. Today’s lessons can help you learn how much you need to loosen up, especially as you deal with other people’s feelings. Fear of change will likely work against you, so practice flexibility as you stretch and bend in the face of emotional transformation.

Aquarius Horoscope (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Your key planet, eccentric Uranus, receives a power boost today from an inflow of useful information as intelligent Mercury harmonizes with it. Additionally sweet Venus brings her charm to the party and spices up any gathering. Nevertheless, you placed yourself in a data-rich environment, so make maximum use of what you know by stepping outside of the box. Be original while incorporating radical ideas into the flow of events.

Pisces Horoscope (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

You have a bit of magic at your disposal today. You can share your emotional spontaneity by communicating the feelings in your heart, but it won’t work if you take too much time searching for the right words. Instead, just reach out in a new and exciting way, for your well-intentioned overtures might be just what’s needed. There’s no need to rationalize your desire to establish a deeper connection with a friend.

Your Daily Cosmic Calendar for Wed., July 4th

Easy does it! The day after a Full Moon can sometimes be disconcerting due to your reaching an enlightening mind-set around the exact time of the Full Moon. Now the need – for today and tomorrow – is to distribute the illuminating energies just received across the globe. Making matters somewhat more challenging is the Sun forming a frictional, 45-degree link to Vesta (3:28AM PDT) – a sky pattern that can equate with tensions relating to safe and security issues, insurance rates and coverage, as well as investments. Meanwhile, it doesn’t help that the Moon in Capricorn enters a nearly exact 12-hour void twilight zone at 5:26AM PDT (during a Moon-Saturn square). The lunar orb stays void until 5:27PM PDT when the Moon enters service-oriented Aquarius. Nevertheless, while the Moon is void, Mercury makes a supportive, 60-degree link to Venus (6:27AM PDT) while Mercury also trines its higher-guardian planet Uranus (10:54AM PDT). Revelations abound and your mind can pick up on ingenious ideas that can still be implemented in the days and weeks to come. Once the Moon enters Aquarius, consider becoming pro-active in group projects, team sports and community events. Creative and artistic vibrations dominate the evening landscape – courtesy of a supportive, 60-degree link between Venus and Uranus (7:37PM PDT) and a parallel from Mercury to Venus (8:14PM PDT). The love boat enters exotic ports of call as Venus continues to increase its daily speed following its shift from reverse to direct motion a week ago.

New Moon Report for July 3rd – Full Moon In Capricorn

New Moon Report

By Jeff Jawer

Full Moon In Capricorn

Tuesday, July 3, 11:52 am PDT, 2:52 pm EDT

The Full Moon in reliable Capricorn is usually about self-restraint and discipline. However, this time the focus is on the relationship between power and freedom. Controlling Pluto’s conjunction to the Moon stirs resentment of authority figures, which is intensified by rebellious Uranus’ tense square to the Sun and Moon. A feeling that the world is about to change provokes fear but is meant to inspire action. Original thinking and masterful management of resources gives birth to a vision that can alter one’s career path and maybe even help to transform the world. Bold concepts are the fires that ignite action, but self-discipline is needed to sustain faith and focus in a radical plan.

Your Magickal Spell for Tuesday, July 3rd – Full Moon Ritual

Full Moon Ritual

Materials:

A small globe of crystal or clear glass.

Initial Preparation:

The first time you starts this spell and every time you wish to use it for a new special purpose, you have to clear and consecrate the globe of crystal/glass by holding it up to the light of the Full Moon, so that the lunar image is caught therein.

Monthly:

After this has been performed, the globe may be used as a charm to procure the secret wish of the owner. On the night of each New Moon, hold the sphere in the left palm, by candlelight, gaze upon it, and chant:

Crescent be full and crystal fill: Thus my eye and thus my will: Fiat Voluntus Abdita! Fiat Voluntus Abdita!! Fiat Voluntus Abdita!!!

The globe should then be kept in a small bag of leather inscribed with figures of the Moon’s phases, and worn about the neck during those days and nights between the crescent and the full. While it is not being worn, the globe should be wrapped in a black cloth and hidden away.

The Moon Void of Course

This is not apparent in the sky, but is a brief time when spells tend to be less effective and, in everyday life, meetings or projects tend to get stuck and travel plans can go haywire.

The void of course occurs as the moon leasves one astrological sign and travels to another. The moon spends about two and a half days each month in each zodiac sign. The void of course can last from a few minutes to almost a day.

You can check in any almanac like Old Moore’s or increasingly, horoscope pages in newspapers will alert you to this and the times. In an almanac it will be marked as v/c or even VOC next to the moon symbol and the time this begins. If you need to do spells at the void of course time, add extra incense, fresh flowers or herbs to counter the effects.

Full Moon/Chant To Seal A Spell During this Phase

Full Moon

The Moon’s energy is most intense when She reaches abundant fullness. Any magickal effort, especially difficult ones, can benefit greatly from the potency of this phase. Use the full Moon to amplify magickal intent and to give spellworkings additional power.

To seal spells performed during the full Moon, use this chant or one of your own choosing:

Abundant Mother, Moon so bright

Hear my plea upon this night.

Your fertile power lend this spell;

Make it potent, strong and well.

the daily humorscopes for friday, june 22

the daily humorscope

Friday, June 22, 2012

Aries

(March 21 – April 19)

A friend will ask you for help, but you should turn them down, silently, with a sad little shake of your head. When they ask what’s wrong, sigh deeply, and mutter “nothing, it’s nothing.”

Taurus

(April 20 – May 20)

Tomorrow when you wake up, many small objects on the carpet will bring you to the alarming conclusion that you have a live rabbit in the house. Search though you may, however, you will be completely unable to find hide nor hare of it…

Gemini

(May 21 – June 20)

You will receive a painful bonk on the head, today, while riding the bus downtown. It’s your own fault, though, for sitting in front of that trombone player.

Cancer

(June 21 – July 22)

Good day to make sure you are prepared for a big earthquake. Get bottled water, a first-aid kit, canned food, flashlights, transistor radio, sturdy hiking boots, and a feather boa.

Leo

(July 23 – August 22)

Hide.

Virgo

(August 23 – September 22)

E-coli. It’s what’s for dinner!

Libra

(September 23 – October 22)

Your obsession with Lapsang Souchong tea takes a turn for the worse, today, as you begin secretly soaking your undergarments in it. Professional help is indicated.

Scorpio

(October 23 – November 21)

Rhubarb pie is the only antidote for your ailment. Trust me on this one. Also, someone’s been teasing your cat.

Sagittarius

(November 22 – December 21)

Your neighbours will have a wild party, which you’ll catch glimpses of through the open window. You’ll know you shouldn’t watch, but it’s just hard to imagine how people can do that, especially on a trampoline.

Capricorn

(December 22 – January 20)

You will join a team, and have lots of fun. I’m not sure what sport it is, but the team name will be “The Screaming Weasels”.

Aquarius

(January 21 – February 18)

Uh oh. “Bursting into song day”, again. Your friends will avoid you.

Pisces

(February 19 – March 20)

Leek soup day, today. Despite your recent tendency towards shoplifting vegetables, I highly recommend you buy a leek, not take one.

the daily humorscopes for wednesday, june 20

the daily humorscope

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Aries

(March 21 – April 19)

Would you just Stop? Nobody else feels the need to dance around like that…

Taurus

(April 20 – May 20)

In a surprising twist, the failure of another large London-based bank will be blamed on you, today. C’est la vie, non?

Gemini

(May 21 – June 20)

Today is the second-to-last day, of the 19th segment of your life. Time to learn to appreciate tofu (bean curd).

Cancer

(June 21 – July 22)

Resist temptation, today. You might have to get rough with it, or even wrestle it to the ground.

Leo

(July 23 – August 22)

If you’re not already a vegetarian, you will be. Someone with the initial “E.” will make sure of that. Ed? Ernest? Dunno. Someone like that. E. Coli, is what I see. Odd name, huh? Sounds Italian.

Virgo

(August 23 – September 22)

You will be forced to re-evaluate your boss’ IQ, when you discover that he is looking forward to the release of “Titanic II.”

Libra

(September 23 – October 22)

Something is about to become overly intimate with you. Intimacy can be good. Just not with fungus.

Scorpio

(October 23 – November 21)

You may have to share a hotel room with a business colleague, to save travel expenses. Here’s a tip to keep them from talking all night: bring along a teddy bear, and punch it really hard in the head a few times at bedtime, screaming “Shut up, Mr. Teddy! Shut up!.”

Sagittarius

(November 22 – December 21)

A moth the size of a Boeing 747 will erupt from a nearby hillside today, and go off to help a huge semi-aquatic rubbery dinosaur fight off an alien attack. So what are you doing to help?

Capricorn

(December 22 – January 20)

A new love affair will have you all misty-eyed. Either that, or it’s the onset of glaucoma, in which case you should seek immediate medical attention.

Aquarius

(January 21 – February 18)

You will be buffeted by hordes of people, who will all simultaneously show up in your office “just to chat”. Eventually, you will make your escape by locking yourself in the bathroom.

Pisces

(February 19 – March 20)

You will have a trifle too much punch at a party this week, and will amuse the other guests by flopping around on the floor an making “Ark! Ark!” sounds. But who cares? If they want to be stuffy, let ’em, I say.

the daily humorscopes for tuesday, june 19

the daily humorscope

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Aries

(March 21 – April 19)

Today you will uncover astonishing proof that the dinosaurs died out due to a retrovirus contagion. Furthermore, you will find evidence of a government cover-up of research that indicates the same thing is likely to happen to humans. Don’t worry, though.

Taurus

(April 20 – May 20)

Beware of poltergeists, today.

Gemini

(May 21 – June 20)

Stop slouching, and sit up straight! How do you expect to get ahead in the world if you pay no attention to proper posture?

Cancer

(June 21 – July 22)

Today will be a great day for bargains. For example, you’ll find a really amazing price on a flame-thrower, at the Army surplus store. A flame-thrower is one of those rare things that really creates a lasting first impression — so you should definitely get it.

Leo

(July 23 – August 22)

You will hear screams coming from a Hungarian restaurant, while you are walking by. Don’t worry, though. That’s normal.

Virgo

(August 23 – September 22)

Soon you will start work on a mystery novel, “The Curse Of The Mummy’s Nose”, told from the point of view of your cat, Erik.

Libra

(September 23 – October 22)

Good time to go into business making measuring spoons. Good ones to start with would be a “smidgeon” and a “pinch.”

Scorpio

(October 23 – November 21)

You will have a visit from “The Scourge of Valderia.” He’s thin, small, balding, wears little round glasses, and dresses in a rumpled blue suit. Still you don’t want to cross him.

Sagittarius

(November 22 – December 21)

Following up on your accidental observation of the “sock dimension” (remember that sock you saw re-materializing a while back?), you will invent a machine to let you cross over the dimensional barrier. Sadly, you’ll be one dimension off, and will pop into the lost pen and pencil dimension, where you will be severely poked.

Capricorn

(December 22 – January 20)

Noticing a picture on a colleague’s desk, you will comment “I’ve never cared for those hairless cats”. That might not be a good thing to say. Newborns can be a bit blotchy, and new parents can be a bit touchy…

Aquarius

(January 21 – February 18)

Things haven’t been going well for you lately, and you’re sinking into a fairly ugly bit of self-pity. You merely need to count your blessings! (1) You’ve got a tremendous talent, which some day may be in demand, (2) You’re almost normal — LOTS of people have extra appendages, (3)…

Pisces

(February 19 – March 20)

You will finally come to understand what Mies Van der Rohe was talking about when he said “Less is more.” He was talking about his brother, Lester Van der Rohe, and was referring to a small weight-gain problem.

the daily humorscopes for monday, june 18

the daily humorscope

Monday, June 18, 2012

Aries

(March 21 – April 19)

Today you will get one of those pimples that just suddenly appears, and you will only notice it when you glance in the mirror after a very important meeting.

Taurus

(April 20 – May 20)

Small fluffy animals will come over and lean on you, today. It’s just their way of showing their appreciation, and of telling you that you are furniture.

Gemini

(May 21 – June 20)

Today you will be watched by cats. It’s nothing really worth worrying about, I’m sure. Did you know that you’ve started making little unconscious “squeaks” when you’re concentrating on something?

Cancer

(June 21 – July 22)

Today will be especially trying, and if you’re not careful, you could end up in a pretty grumpy frame of mind. Take precautions! Wear your E.T. underwear.

Leo

(July 23 – August 22)

You are coming down with a truly horrendous cold. The kind of cold that makes everyone else miserable, just by looking at you. That’s just the kind of inconsiderate behaviour people are starting to expect from you, too.

Virgo

(August 23 – September 22)

You’ll become best pals with a large invisible rabbit, today. Well, actually he’s a “puka”, which is a type of Celtic spirit, but he’ll look like a large invisible rabbit.

Libra

(September 23 – October 22)

You will unearth a small stone figurine, while digging in a garden. If you set it on your television and put a small bowl of fruit in front of it, those unsightly warts should clear up in a week or two.

Scorpio

(October 23 – November 21)

Today is not a good day to be yourself. In fact, that might even be dangerous. Be someone else, until further notice.

Sagittarius

(November 22 – December 21)

Excellent day to make odd hand gestures at people you don’t know.

Capricorn

(December 22 – January 20)

Absolutely marvelous day to complain, grumble, gripe, or whine. Remember: if you’re going to do something, do it well.

Aquarius

(January 21 – February 18)

You will discover a horror almost beyone imagining today — your home is inhabited by the ghost of an insurance salesman. Who you gonna call?

Pisces

(February 19 – March 20)

You need to work harder on your friendships. Why, you sometimes don’t even like yourself that much, do you? Be nice to yourself this week – buy yourself some flowers or a nice gift. And stop suspecting yourself of having an ulterior motive!

the daily humorscopes for tuesday, june 12

the daily humorscope

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Today you will realize that it seems quite impossible to make any sense out of life, especially when you consider what life must be like in Nebraska.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Today someone will accuse you of spending too much time with your computer. The way to handle that is to say you’ve got “lots of work to do.” (And don’t let them spot you fondly caressing it.)

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Excellent day to do something new with bean curd.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

While poring over some old historical documents, you will discover that the Norman invasion was actually supposed to be the “Bob” invasion, but Norman stole the credit for it. Sadly, it will turn out to be too late to change it now.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

You will soon accidentally discover why it is that so many things “taste like chicken.” It’s because they ARE chickens, in clever disguises.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Excellent day to shuffle your feet. Remember: it’s OK to shuffle your feet or to shuffle your cards, but you should never shuffle your nose.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Between now and the vernal equinox, trust anyone with freckles. After that, trust no one.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

The world will be dim and grey, and cold. Carrion crows will caw at you from the edges of the world, and deep cold water will rush by in rivers without names. Ahead, on the peak of a mountain, is a glimmering golden light. Either that, or you’ll get gum stuck to your shoe. (Sometimes these things are hard to read.)

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

People are starting to take you a bit too seriously. Try wearing your bunny slippers to work.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)

Excellent time to start a new company, making software to help people with mental problems. You will call it SchizoSoft. Your motto: “Who Do You Want To Be Today?”

Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)

Someone who you really dislike, who is arrogance personified…will be nice to you. This is a good time to be afraid.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Your requests are being ignored. Often you can get people to pay attention by simply adding a few words to the end of your request, such as “Pick up your socks, dear, or die screaming.”

the daily humorscopes for monday, june 4

the daily humorscope

Monday, June 04, 2012

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You will become trapped in the sofa, again. People will point and laugh.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You will spend another full day attempting to shuffle a deck of cards with your toes. Fortunately, nobody will find out.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Bad juju today. Stay well clear of West African carved figurines.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

A man with a single eyebrow is following you. You haven’t borrowed any money lately, I hope?

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

This week you will angrily tell someone that you are more than just a name and a number! You are also punctuation!

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

You know that how you dress will invevitably send a message to those around you. In this case, your message is “Help! Help!”

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Good day to buy chocolate for someone you love.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Beware of giant squids today. Other than that, a good day for a nice walk along the beach.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Today you will begin work on a life-size pterodactyl robot, which you will use to terrorize the city. Either that or you’ll take a nap. It just depends what sort of mood you’re in.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)

You will discover the secret to becoming a great artist! You can stick anything you want on the wall, the trick is to make people think deep thought went into it. For example, spray-paint a bathroom pluger gold, and stick little angel wings on it. Call it “Life In The Details”.

Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)

You’ll become part of the Formal Attire Resurgence movement. Be wary of the Casualist Party though – there’s someone out there just dying to spit on your spats.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Your sudden fascination with podiatry is nothing to worry about, and should fade with time. Eventually, the only remaining evidence will be your usual telephone greeting: “Hello, how are your feet?”

the daily humorscopes for saturday, june 2

the daily humorscope

Saturday, June 02, 2012

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Good day to be callously indifferent to the plight of the masses. You have larger things on your mind than whether the peasants are happy. Oui?

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Today you will rush around in a tizzy. It will be sort of fun, actually, since the tizzy handles well, and has more than enough power to make an exciting ride.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Privacy will be an issue today. This may possibly be because a group of foreign tourists will follow you everywhere, smiling and nodding the entire time.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Yesterday’s bathtub mystery will be explained today. Still, you’ll have no idea what to feed the penguin. Pizza might work, I’d think.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Stay out of the Cheez Doodles today.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

In one of those amusing mix-ups that happen so frequently in modern life, a friend of yours will have mistaken your reference to “her suit” and thought you said “hirsute”. Still, this may prove a little awkward.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

This might be a good time to refer to your roommate as “Watson” and say things like “The game’s afoot!”. Eventually, you’ll be able to reconstruct an entire evening’s events from a spilled drop of raspberry vinaigrette.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Today you will lose your marbles. Fortunately, someone will find them and return them to you.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You will find a biography of some famous dead person, at a garage sale, and buy it on a whim. It will change your life. You will also soon take up bricklaying, as a hobby.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)

You haven’t been sleeping well, but that will soon change. You will develop the knack of falling instantly asleep whenever you want to — either at night, or during boring meetings.

Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)

It’s ok to whistle while you work. Your co-workers will draw the line at yodelling while you work, however. They’re probably just jealous.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You feel like you’re slowly being crushed at work, in a mental and spiritual sense. Perhaps travel would refresh you? For spiritually beneficial travel, I usually consult my neighborhood Astral Travel Agency.

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