Good morning, my precious family. In case you are wondering how I am writing this to you, Jacob is typing and I am telling him what to say. He has been an unbelievable help and I don’t know what I would do without him. We got up early this morning and he brought a laptop to the house so we could do this. The ladies won’t be doing the site today because I have a doctor’s appointment today and another one next week. I know they must get tired of playing babysitter for me but if not for them I wouldn’t know what would become of me. I am very grateful to them and all they have done. I am also very grateful to all of you who sent cards and donations to me. I have never seen such an out pouring of support and I love you for it. I can never, ever to begin to thank you enough.
The reason I decided to let you know I was alive is because I talked to Lady Beltane the other day. I was dopey but that is my life these days. She said she wouldn’t believe I was alive till she heard my voice. Then I got to wondering if there was others who felt the same way. I am very much alive. I have several injuries. My entire left leg is in a cast and also have a cast up to the middle of my life arm. I am recovering from broken ribs. I have a horrible scar on my face. It goes from right beside my eye down to almost my lips. It took 24 stitches to sew it up. So you won’t be seeing any photos of me, I look like the bride of Frankenstein. Eleanor has been putting Vitamin E on it and another mixture she brewed up. It is starting to heal but I can still feel it every time I move my mouth. It might go away on the outside but I have a feeling it will be an inner scar I carry with me for the rest of my life.
I have people ask me what happened. Some of it I remember, some of it I don’t. I know the fire happened late at night. Kade was sleeping with me. I thought I heard a crash or window breaking. Kade got all excited and started jumping up and down on me. I got up to look over the banister and all I saw was flames. It seemed those flames were so high they were reaching the ceiling. I know they probably weren’t but the entire bottom floor was engulfed. There was no way out. I picked up a brass lamp and broke out the top window. It was either go out it or burn up and I would like to live a little longer. After I had knocked the window out, I picked up Kade and cling on to him for dear life. I remember looking back one more time. When I did the flames were almost up the banister. I saw blazes and fire, I was scared to death. I managed to crawl up to the edge of the window and jumped. I didn’t realize how far the jump was till I hit the ground. When I hit all I felt was pain, extreme pain. I tried to get up and walk and that was impossible. I screamed out in pain. I did manage to crawl a bit from the house. The next thing I remember was a neighbor picking me up and his wife grabbing Kade. They took us around front and propped me up against a tree away from the fire. Kade was laying down beside me. The neighbors tried to put the fire out but it was useless. The fire department got there and there was nothing they could do except to stop the fire from spreading to the woods around the cabin. I remember being put in the ambulance but I don’t remember seeing the fire anymore. I was in and out of it the entire time. I do remember one of the paramedics telling me not to touch my leg. Apparently I kept wanting to touch it, I know it hurt like hell. I would come and go, the next thing I remember was being in a hospital room. When everyone finally left I did touch my leg and it was the sickest thing I had ever felt. The big bone in your upper thigh was protruding through the skin. I freaked out. They started a morphine drip and told me they couldn’t reach my orthopedic doctor but they did reach the neurologist and he was the one who ordered the morphine. I don’t remember anything after that except apparently I had had surgery and was back in the room. I know I had a cast all the way up my leg and it was attached to a rope (I guess that is what you call it) and it was alleviated a bit.
No one would tell me of all my injuries. I don’t know if they thought I couldn’t handle the truth or not but I would rather have the truth than be kept in the dark. I know my ribs ached even with the morphine. My hand was a screwed up mess and my back was also aching. I talked to the orthopedic doctor and he finally told me the truth. I had lost a lot of blood. I am anemia to start with and can’t spare that much to start with. I would have to have at least two more surgeries before he would even consider letting me go. I had fractured my fusion and also landed on my hand which had already been put back together from the car wreck a year or two ago. He was going to have to try to glue my fractured fusion and then also readjust all the metal mess in my hand. Would you believe the only bone in that hand that wasn’t damage during the wreck, I broke in the fall. Boy, do I have the luck. He did tell me that with all the damage that had been done to my leg, I might not ever be able to use it again. After he left, I started to cry. Who wouldn’t after such good news? Eleanor came in and I was surprised to see her. I didn’t know she had been there the entire time but she had. See I was doped up. She wanted to know why I was crying and I told her. She came over and put her arms around me and told me I would be able to use that leg again and put weight on it. She said she would make sure my life returned to normal. Like I have always said what is normal?
All of you have done so much for me, with your prayers, your love, your donations, it is overwhelming. I got all the cards and letters after I got out of the hospital. The sentiment that each card and letter held, I could feel. I cried because of that but I was also overjoyed to know that you cared that much. I miss all of you and I miss my daily life. I don’t have a daily life right now except to lay in the bed, get up and try to walk, sit in a chair and look out a window.It is too cold to go outside. I have memories of the fire that are starting to come back now. I have nightmares. I wonder why someone would do such a thing, why? The fire was set, I know that and I know who done it. The neighbors even told the police who done it. It was a local farmer who I had befriended and come to find out he was crazy as a loony bird. He started following the boys and me all over the place every time we would go hunting or fishing. He would show up. I know the day before the fire happened we had gotten into it and I told him to leave us the hell alone. Come to find out he had been following me around for months, he even went as far as to peep in the windows at night. They have classified him as a stalker. I would classify him as a crazy person. I don’t know what illusions or fantasies he had nor do I want too. Apparently they ended that day, I told him to leave us alone. I can’t imagine a person being so evil they actually want to kill a person, burn them alive. I am thankful the boys were with their uncle when it happened. If not, they would have been killed in the fire and I couldn’t stand to live with myself if that had happened. But I sit and wonder and I have no reason for what the man done. He took everything from me, my old, old Book of Shadows, my families’ heirlooms, everything. They told me nothing was able to be salvaged from the fire. Not even the brass bed that was my great aunt’s. Everything gone. I haven’t been back to the cabin since I have been out of the hospital. Part of me wants too and the other part doesn’t. With the memories that have come back to me, I don’t believe I want to see it. I really don’t believe I can stand to see it. The memories that are now all gone. Memories of Mystie, the nights we would stay up all night and just girl talk, gone. The gatherings we held there, gone. Everything gone. That man took more than material possession, he took my life. I don’t know if I can ever begin to recover from this or not.
I know I miss my life but everyone tells me I will have it back in about three to four months. That is when the casts are suppose to come off, I hope. I have wonderful people around me but it still doesn’t take away the pain of loss. Lynette rented a cute little house. Eleanor raises hell because it is too little. Lynette told her that is wasn’t permanent just temporary, so live with it. Those two I love to pieces but…..I know Lynette put up a go fund me page and she informed me the other day it was still active. I believe that was after I told her she forgot to get a few things when shopping. She wanted to know what. Oh, like towels, dishes, cups, a coffee maker (of all things), pans, pots, the basic needs to run a house hold. At least she did remember to get sheets and a blanket for the bed. Her intentions are great it just has been a long time since she had to start housekeeping all over again.
I wanted you to know that I was a live and kicking with one leg. I do thank you so very much for everything that you have done for me. I can’t wait to get back to work, I miss you so. It is strange you take the things you do every day for granted till they are gone. Then you realize how precious and blessed you really were. I guess I better stop dictating to Jacob I know his fingers must be getting tired. I want you to know again, I thank you for everything you have done. I miss you and hopefully in a few months, I will be back. Till then, my sweets…..
P. S. Lady A doesn’t know I added this. Lynette walked in and found out what I was doing. She wanted me to mention the go fund me account is up and running. If you can donate, fine. If not, please pass it on because she forgot so much of the daily essentials.====Jacob