If Mice Owned Computers…
Why Men Are Just Happier People!
What do you expect from such simple creatures!?
Their last name stays put.
The garage is all theirs.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
They can be President.
They can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell them the truth.
The world is their urinal.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress – $5000; tux rental – $100.
People never stare at their chest when they’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
They know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
They can open all their own jars.
They get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Their underwear is $6.95 for a six pack.
Everything on their face stays its original color.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
They don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
They almost never have strap problems in public.
They are unable to see wrinkles in their clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
They don’t have to shave below their neck.
Their belly usually hides their big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
They can “do” their nails with a pocketknife.
They have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
They can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.
Sorry Guys! LOL!
For those who can relate to today’s ‘Ex Spouse Day’ energies, this tip’s for you. As soon as you start to feel any grieving or negative energies associated with your spouse, just stop what you’re doing (and thinking) and breathe. And be quiet. And be strong. And be the you who belongs to you. And now, I’ll offer just a few more words about conscious breathing. While you’re breathing all that bigness in, don’t forget to also recognize and invite your own big Spirit inside. You can do that simply by breathing in through the nose, all the way down into your belly and then exhaling through your mouth. Then take in another big breath, but this time move the breath into your heart. Breathe into that space and once there loudly exclaim the sound ‘Ha’ on the exhale. This will shake up and shake off negativity stuck to this same ‘ex’ agenda while allowing you to move more easily into the big life that belongs to you! Breathe deeply. Hit the heart hard. Then release and shout ‘Ha!’ This sounds like a perfect exercise to me.
By Ellen Whitehurst for Astrology.com
Your Charm for Today
Guests and visitors will come calling. Their visit brings happiness and joy. This aspect will reflect these emotions for weeks after the visit.
Crescents were worn by the ancients to safeguard them against witchcraft and danger. From the very early Eastern symbol, horseshoes came to be regarded by the Greeks and Romans as charms against sickness and the plague. In the middle ages horseshoes were used as amulets for witchcraft and even today are looked upon as lucky. When the representation of the hand of strength was worn with the crescent it signified hospitality and generosity. Hands of Might are painted on houses in Italy, Syria, Turkey and in the East to protect the buildings from misfortune and the inmates from death. The blue beads were worn to avert the evil eyes.
Your Animal Spirit for Today
April 14, 2014
Cougar has long been associated with leadership. Cougars are powerful, agile, and unhesitating. When Cougar attacks, he throws one hundred percent of himself into the pursuit. Although cougar is strong, he is also elusive —hard to spot in the wild—until he decides to pounce. His lesson to you today is one of being a balanced leader—not rushing into the attack, not always lurking in the brush.
Your Ancient Symbol Card for Today
The Hourglass is a gentle reminder that time passes and with it goes opportunity. Every moment is a moment we cannot retrieve or relive, and there are no guarantees that what we put off today really can be done tomorrow. The Hourglass urges us to make every second of our lives as rich and fulfilling as we possibly can.
As a daily card, The Hourglass suggest you may be allowing opportunities to pass you by. If you’ve been procrastinating or putting too much of your precious time into activities with no lasting value to you, now is the time for you redirect your energies into actions that will enrich your life.
Monday, Apr 14th, 2014
There is a turning point that recharges you and eventually brings success. This hexagram is associated with a turning back of long nights towards more light, the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, the seasonal change when our hours of daily light begin to increase again. This is the beginning of a turnaround; a time of letting go of the old and making way for the new; a time of new beginnings. Ironically, it all starts with rest.
Don’t move too fast. The new momentum is just beginning; the turn-around demands that your energy be recharged by adequate rest, so that your life force will not be spent prematurely. This principle of hibernation, of allowing energy to renew itself and be strengthened by rest applies to many situations — recuperation after an illness, the slow return of trust after period of estrangement, the careful development of new relationships after a splitting apart of old ones.
Monday, Apr 14th, 2014
Traditionally entitled “Empress,” this major arcana or “trump” card portrays the energy of the Great Mother. She is Nature, around us but also within us, the ever-unfolding Source of life-giving power. She is often pictured as a pre-Christian Goddess, as the one whom the High Priestess is channeling down to earth for the rest of us.
In medieval Europe, the Empress card was painted to represent whatever Queen currently ruled the land, probably to satisfy the Inquisitors. But the scholars of the Renaissance and beyond had no doubt of her true identity, although she could not be fully revealed on Tarot cards as the “woman clothed with the sun” until after the French Revolution.
This supreme archetype of femininity also symbolizes fertility. It is She who provides us nourishment and security. She is also sometimes seen as delighting us with flowers and fruit. A potentially terrifying aspect of this archetype manifests itself whenever karmic mood swings wipe out our plans, like a storm that has come upon us. Whatever happens, the Empress is the Source of our Embodiment and of Natural Law. She might even be called “the Great Recycler.”
A standoff in a relationship may require us to revisit the past before leaving it behind. An argumentative Mercury-Pluto square complicates balancing our need for independence with our desire for intimacy. We try to reestablish harmony as the socially astute Libra Moon forms an uncomfortable alignment with loving Venus just prior to the Full Moon Eclipse at 3:42 am EDT. Feelings intensify when the Moon shifts into passionate Scorpio at 12:19 pm.
(Mar 21 – Apr 19)
Your impulsive nature is even more reactive than ever today. The Libra Full Moon Eclipse electrifies your 7th House of Relationships, pulling you out of your comfort zone as you attempt to keep peace with your partner. Although it’s easy to say that the next time you will think before you act, it’s going to take consistent effort to follow through on your good intentions. Nevertheless, tempering your sense of immediacy has a calming effect now on everyone involved.
(Apr 20 – May 20)
Today’s top priority is to find a comfortable middle ground between being selfish and taking care of others. Your sweet nature inspires you to act in a selfless manner today as the Libra Full Moon Eclipse polarizes your 6th House of Service. Thankfully, you also know how important it is to fulfill your own needs. Avoid getting swept up in a cause unless it is an issue that is close to your heart. Following your moral compass guides you to give back generously in ways that really count.
(May 21 – Jun 20)
Although you may be willing to go along with the group’s plans now, you still must make time to have a meaningful interaction that involves just you and one special person. Today’s Libra Full Moon is eclipsed in your 5th House of Self-Expression, prompting you to say what’s on your mind. Naturally, it’s fun to hang out with your friends, but don’t let the possibility of transient pleasure be a distraction from the tougher issues you need to address. Establish your priorities and initiate a serious discussion with the one you love.
(Jun 21 – Jul 22)
You are easily annoyed if professional obligations keep you from spending time with your family now. The Libra Full Moon Eclipse emphasizes your 4th House of Emotional Security, reminding you of the contrast between the life you live at home and the one you experience out in the world. However, it’s liberating once you realize that you don’t have to make a choice. You just need to balance these two aspects of your life the best you can without turning frustration into resentment. Oddly enough, a shift in your attitude may be all it takes to make everyone happy.
(Jul 23 – Aug 22)
You may have plenty of expectations about where a current friendship can take you. However, now that the Libra Full Moon Eclipse shakes up your 3rd House of Information, your plans might not reach fruition unless you’re willing to discuss your concerns. Express your emotions without blaming anyone else or you could get sidetracked by an unnecessary conflict that sidesteps the real issue. Facing your fears isn’t so scary if you keep the lines of communication open.
(Aug 23 – Sep 22)
You might think that your intentions are obvious to others and that you are truly sharing your innermost feelings now; however, you still remain an enigma to those around you. The Libra Full Moon Eclipse lands in your 2nd House of Values, requiring you to look within yourself to uncover deeply rooted beliefs that block your expression. Bring what’s most important to you out into the open today or things may not turn out the way you wish. Your willingness to be transparent helps everyone involved gain more clarity.
(Sep 23 – Oct 22)
Finding the harmony that you wish to have in your personal relationships is elusive now. Today’s Lunar Eclipse occurs in your sign, indicating that you or someone very close to you may be dealing with unexpressed emotions that stand in the way of intimacy. Holding back what really needs to be said only makes matters worse. But shifting the focus by accusing another person of wrongdoing won’t help either. Taking the high road by sharing your fears first enables you to find solutions by looking ahead rather than searching for causes in the past.
(Oct 23 – Nov 21)
Sometimes it’s impossible for you to keep cool when your emotions heat up. However, other times you can feel so agitated that you turn to ice in order to prevent the situation from boiling over. Today’s Libra Full Moon Eclipse rattles your 12th House of Secrets, challenging you to engage with those around you without overwhelming them with your intensity. Thankfully, following your regular routine allows you to channel your nervous energy into less volatile activities. Throwing yourself into your work might be enough to take the edge off.
(Nov 22 – Dec 21)
You may be a hopeless romantic searching for love, but instead you only find playful pals as today’s Libra Full Moon Eclipse triggers your 11th House of Social Networking and your 5th House of Romance. Although there is surely nothing wrong with the camaraderie of good friendship, it isn’t the same as the more intimate relationship you want now. Don’t get discouraged and go silent. Keeping your heart open can ultimately attract the type of soul connection you seek.
(Dec 22 – Jan 19)
You are in high demand on the job today, but this professional popularity might place pressure on the home front as the Libra Full Moon Eclipse stresses your 10th House of Career. Don’t try to cover your insecurities by shifting into overdrive if you are unsure you can fulfill all your responsibilities. Even if putting in more hours at work seems logical, it can exhaust you — and you still may not complete your assignments. Instead, establish a sustainable pace now so you have more time to spend with those you love.
(Jan 20 – Feb 18)
You could be treading on unstable ground today as you attempt to keep a previously scheduled trip on track. You might even worry about travel plans falling apart now that the Libra Full Moon Eclipse overstimulates your 9th House of Faraway Places. But don’t let your irrational fears impact your current decisions. Even if you’re ready to just pack your bags and go, consider all your options before picking one path and following it off into the sunset.
(Feb 19 – Mar 20)
Staring down your deepest fears might not be your idea of fun, but intense emotional issues appear in a variety of forms now. The Libra Full Moon Eclipse falls in your 8th House of Deep Sharing, indicating a possible struggle with an intimate partner. However, one of the benefits of interacting with someone you love is discovering previously hidden parts of yourself. Shining your light of awareness into the shadows can reveal buried treasure if you have the courage to delve into the unknown.
We want to build consensus with our allies but hidden emotions could be revealed today if we feel threatened by someone else’s power. The social Libra Moon shines a bright spotlight on relationships. But the Moon’s rough aspects to Mercury, Jupiter, Uranus and Pluto can lure us down a rather bumpy road. Creating common ground is complicated by chatty Mercury joining erratic Uranus, urging us to share our thoughts without bothering to censor them.
(Mar 21 – Apr 19)
Considering everyone’s feelings prior to initiating action means making decisions is very difficult today because you see everything from multiple perspectives. Even if you are in tune with your desires, you may be unsure of the best time to make your move. However, you might think you don’t have the option of waiting, but that comes from a false sense of urgency. Stop to assess the alternatives and postpone your final choices as long as possible. In this case, doing your research really counts.
(Apr 20 – May 20)
Your natural tendency is to tackle your tasks one at a time and just methodically plow through them. However, there’s so much going on now that you might not be able to decide where to begin. Unfortunately, procrastination is not the answer today because the longer you put off the inevitable, the harder it gets. Be courageous and jump in anywhere you can. Things will fall into place once you quit worrying and get to work.
(May 21 – Jun 20)
You might think that you can have fun while running errands or doing your chores today, but you may need to work hard to overcome the obstacles you encounter along the way. You could even wonder if someone is blocking your progress, but don’t jump to any hasty conclusions before you have sufficient facts to support your concerns. It’s best to keep moving toward your goals rather than wasting time rationalizing why you should turn around and give up. Taking the high road gives you an opportunity to shine.
(Jun 21 – Jul 22)
It’s a bit simplistic to believe that you can accommodate everyone’s needs just because you see a complex issue from all angles. Although you may not have an easy answer, you could be the right person to mediate a serious domestic conflict today. Nevertheless, the picture might grow more complicated if you feel pressure to take sides. Don’t be afraid to establish strong boundaries by letting others know that you will share your assessment only after you are ready.
(Jul 23 – Aug 22)
You want to take the time to hear everyone’s plans for the future before revealing your own. Unfortunately, you might need to make a critical decision that ends up disappointing someone, even if you do your best to take the concerns of others into consideration. It’s great to be optimistic in your outlook, but you won’t likely agree with every person involved. Explain your choices as kindly and firmly as possible; the best thing you can do next is to lead by example and move on.
(Aug 23 – Sep 22)
Your analytical skills are your greatest strength now, especially when you build on your previous work instead of beginning something new. However, you might face your own internal resistance before taking your work to the next level today. Although your fear of failure could make you worry that your efforts will go unnoticed, this isn’t the right time to reassess your direction. Just stick to your present path with as much confidence as you can muster; you may be progressing faster now than you realize.
(Sep 23 – Oct 22)
You don’t have a lot of patience with others who act selfishly, but it’s awkward to tell them what they already should know. You’re on edge with the evocative Moon back in your sign now; however, it’s a mistake to keep your annoyance quiet just to maintain the peace. Unfortunately, there could be an emotional price to pay if you don’t express yourself today. The good news is that with a little social finesse you can remain authentic without placing blame on anyone else.
(Oct 23 – Nov 21)
Every task — no matter how minor — is more complicated when you cannot make up your mind about what to do first. Ironically, the facts seem clear, yet you’re struggling with a dilemma as your imagination pulls you in opposite directions today. Unfortunately, your refusal to give up on either side prevents you from making the best choice. Your best bet is to wait out your uncertainty until the answer becomes more apparent. In the meantime, flexibility is your friend.
(Nov 22 – Dec 21)
Expressing your emotions honestly always sounds like the best policy, but a spontaneous declaration of love may not go over very well today. Unfortunately, writing about the desires of your heart in an email or text won’t necessarily fare any better. Mischievous Mercury’s influence can bend your emotions out of shape, so you might not have a very clear perspective now, even if you believe you do. Only fools rush in; be smart and wait a few days before saying what’s on your mind. Channel your passion into expressing your creativity instead.
(Dec 22 – Jan 19)
You may have to play the role of the bad guy in a family conflict today. Or, perhaps someone is in dire need of your parenting skills now. However, you would rather hold a neutral position while you listen to everyone’s concerns. Even if you’ve had more than enough of hearing other people complain, you don’t have the luxury of being able to let your attention wander. Seeking the meaning behind the words instead of being distracted by the emotional intensity can trigger the breakthrough you were hoping for all along.
(Jan 20 – Feb 18)
You have things to do that you’ve never done before, but fortunately, you like the excitement of new experiences. Your knack for balancing what you know with the unknown comes in handy today. However, you still must exercise caution or you could become lackadaisical in your approach. There’s very little margin for error, so don’t get lazy. Lowering your guard now is a likely invitation to trouble. Enjoy the adrenaline rush of embarking on an adventure, but make sure to be back home in time for dinner.
(Feb 19 – Mar 20)
You are strong enough to handle the deep emotions of those around you, but you may be riding a seesaw today as you try to balance someone else’s feelings with your own. You truly want to be present for those you love, but you’re unsure about opening up to outside negativity now. The real lesson comes from being a supportive friend while still maintaining healthy boundaries. Your compassion can have a much more powerful impact if you’re willing to share your heart.
You might feel especially hard-hit in the relationship department. Tuesday’s Lunar Eclipse in your partnership sector might lead to a final decision between you and your mate about the status of your union. If you’ve felt as if your relationship has been symbolically dead for a long time, it’s likely this eclipse will bring the impetus for one of you to officially end things. Or, it’s possible your partner will be extra argumentative this week, making it impossible for you to work together as a team to solve a problem that affects you both.
While romance may prove challenging for most this week, you’ll be one of the lucky ones. On Thursday, your ruler, Venus, will be at a fine angle to benevolent Jupiter, now traveling through your communication sector. A group meeting or event may lead to enchanting conversation with one very special someone. Before you know it the two of you might go off into your own little corner of the room and decide to explore your incredible chemistry. On Friday, the power of love really will be able to conquer all. Trust it.
A testy Lunar Eclipse will fall right in your romance sector this week, aggravating any already frustrating conditions about your love life. In addition, Mars continues to move retrograde in this same area of your chart. Between these two energies, you might feel as if things between you and your sweetheart are in an irreparable state. If you’re unhappy in the relationship, it’ll be easier for you to come to terms with any separation. This might not even be about an ending for you and your sweetie, though. The two of you may be in a deadlock about an issue relating to a child in your life or the potential for the two of you to have children together.
You and your spouse or partner may have difficult discussions surrounding a domestic matter this week. This tension on the home front might make it impossible for the two of you to connect romantically, even if you want to. If your lives are filled with pressure and responsibility, the two of you may have grown so far away from intimacy that you’re not sure how to return to that place of couplehood. This week, you’ll be so busy putting out “fires” at home that you won’t even have time to work on nurturing your love life.
Communication with your love may not go as planned this week. Try to avoid making any vital decisions with your partner or having a significant conversation. Words will be heavy all around, and it’s also likely that one or both of you will take a defensive stance when it’s not really called for. In other news, you might hear something positive relating to money the two of you share. This could be joint income, a mutual investment or even an inheritance.
Your tendency to try to control every aspect of your love life isn’t likely to work well. If you recognize that you’re speaking to your sweetheart with a stronger, more manipulative tone, ask yourself why you’re doing this. If you believe this is the way to bind your lover closer to you, you’re actually doing the opposite. If you can let go of your need to control, you can start enjoying the love that you have instead of constantly fearing it will disappear. You might even have a breakthrough on Friday.
This might be an especially challenging week for you, personally and in terms of a close relationship. If so, know that the winds of change are blowing your way for a reason. One door must close so that you are able to open the next door — the one that is compatible to where your life is meant to go. On Tuesday, a Lunar Eclipse in your sign, accompanied by tense communication aspects, might put pressure on you in more than one way. Long-term resentment in a relationship may come to a head now. Be gentle with yourself.
While romance might be most difficult for certain signs this week, you appear to be exempt from most of the drama. In fact, love prospects appear to be remarkable in your case! On Thursday Venus, now in your true love sector, will be at a gorgeous angle to Jupiter. You and your sweetheart might decide to explore new horizons together spiritually, culturally or intellectually. Then, on Friday, Venus will be at a gorgeous angle to Pluto, now in your communication sector. You’ll easily speak to your lover about how this relationship moves you.
Your love life might be a bit rough around the edges this week — especially if a friend decides to interfere. On Tuesday, a tense Lunar Eclipse in your social networking sector might, in fact, lead to the end of a friendship. Or, it’s possible your pal is going through a very difficult time emotionally and lashes out at you unintentionally by attacking your romantic choices. You’ll be hurt, but try to take the high road if at all possible.
Your attention might focus less on romance this week, as you’ll likely be consumed with a major shift in your life that connects to your career. Fortunately, while this is happening, you’ll be able to draw on the support of your partner. You’ll have an easy ability to communicate with your sweetheart, and you can use him or her as a sounding board to help you figure out how to handle whatever difficulty might come your way. You’ll be grateful for the guidance.
Someone special might make you feel loved and valued this week — but from behind closed doors. It’s possible the one you care about most truly is on your side and wants to support you as you try to build your confidence. The interesting thing, however, is that he or she will prefer to do so quietly in the background. Perhaps it’s because your lover knows you need to walk this journey bravely on your own. Still, it’s nice to know you’re believed in.
If you’re married or in a committed relationship with someone you share resources with, you might experience tension relating to joint finances this week. Your partner might lose a source of income or you might learn about an investment you both made together that has gone sour. If single, it’s another story entirely. On Thursday and Friday, cupid might be nearby, and it’s possible you’ll meet someone who captures your heart. Prepare for that arrow.