Pagan Terms – A Little Humor

Pagan Terms

by Sylvana SilverWitch

humor

Just a few definitions for you beginners:

  • 1st Degree: A person who gets to do all the work.
  • 2nd Degree: A person who gets to complain about the 1st degrees and the High Priestess.
  • 3rd Degree: A person who never shows up at rituals.
  • Athame: A ritual knife; the bigger the knife, the less power the bearer has.
  • Book of Shadows: A messy, handwritten book that contains copies of everyone else’s rituals.
  • Ceremonial Magician: Someone with bad hygiene habits, who reads Crowley, takes drugs and practices looking menacing.
  • Circle: Some assemblage of people standing or sitting in an uneven, or oval shape.
  • Coven: A bunch of people who fight like family and get together several times a month to party.
  • Crowley: A weird guy whom lots of people worship because he died a syphilitic drug addict. (Kinda like Curt Cobain and Elvis).
  • Full Moon: Any Saturday that occurs sometime close to the actual calendar full moon.
  • High Priest: Whoever the High Priestess is sleeping with this week.
  • High Priestess: A self-appointed leader; must be bossy, opinionated and have a large ego.
  • Initiation: Status that you receive after a big party held in your honor.
  • Magick: Any weird result after you do a spell or ritual for something; may or may not have anything to do with what you were working for.
  • Maiden: An ambitious 2nd degree (usually a womyn) who aspires to be High Priestess, so she can do things right!
  • New Moon: A chance for the High Priestess to get really drunk and sleep with (and initiate) a new High Priest.
  • Pagan: A person who wears tie dye and practices the party religion.
  • Pagan Standard Time: If a ritual is scheduled for 6pm, people show up around 9, and the ritual finally gets started at 10:30.
  • Pagan Daylight Time: If a ritual is scheduled for noon, everyone usually shows up before dark.
  • Ritual: A reason to assemble with others, kvetch and eventually have some sort of ceremony.
  • Ritual Wear: A flashy dress or outfit that makes the wearer look like an actor in a bad fantasy movie.
  • Sabbat: Any Saturday close to the actual day, excuse for a big party.
  • Wiccan: Conservative person who wears normal clothes, lots of jewelry, recycles everything and used to be a witch.
  • Witch: Someone who wears lots of black and jewelry, reads Gardner and practices the party religion.