I think we have all been in that place in our lives, magick or not when the mundane world seems to be overtaking our spiritual lives.
I got married very young. I had just turned 18 years old; I was in love and in love with the idea of what love and marriage should be. By the time I was 25 years I had two beautiful children, a home and a job. Being born in the 1950’s I had also been brain washed by those nasty TV programs like Ozzie and Harriet. You know the ones that told us we had to be perfect, look perfect and act perfect.
I was also a Witch and trying to keep that part of my life in the closet. I believed that could I handle it all. Plus I thought I knew it all so I was going to be the perfect everything. But life or the Fates, have a way of slapping us back into reality when needed.
By the time my youngest was 4 years old I had decided that the school systems where we lived were not safe for our children. So I began home schooling them, I had the credentials and had been subbing at local schools so what was one more job in my perfect little world. So I quit my job to stay home and be the perfect mom.
I think I was the only one that believed I could do it all. Some things had slide, so magick and my life as a Witch got put deeper and deeper into the closet. But still I was not able to handle everything perfectly the way I believed I should. I mean the wives and mothers on those TV shows never had these problems. Heck, even Lucy for all her funny mishaps still kept a perfect home and had perfect children.
My stress level was off the charts. My perfect children were driving me crazy. I didn’t realize they were just being children the way normal children were. I was working twice the hours as before trying to keep the house perfect, being up until 2 am at times trying to catch up or get ahead for the next day. Nothing was working, I was not able to keep my perfect world perfect and I was beginning to lose my patience with the world.
I decided I needed a little metaphysical and spiritual assistance. So I pulled my dusty Witches Trunk out from the back of the closet. I took out the tools I needed, the herbs and some stones for offerings. I wrote a chant I believed would help me step back and calm down so I could get control of my extremely hectic world.
I wanted to learn to be more patience with my family and children. So I wrote a spell to teach me patience and in this, bring the ability to be the perfect whatever.
That evening once everyone had gone off to bed and the children had their 12 drinks of water and so on, I went out into our small yard in Texas and formed a circle with my candles, put a light a small fire in my cauldron and worked my spell with all the energy and power I could gather.
As I careful hid everything thing back into my closet, I went to bed assured that the Goddess had heard my request and that my life would be changing for the better.
The next week was absolute hell. I mean it was like watching a hen that caught her tail feathers a fire. I was running like mad and the more I did the more fires keep popping up. I could not believe my spell had backfired in such a manner. I had been working magick since I was a child. I knew all the right tools, the right herbs so what had happened.
Not wanting to ask for help, perfect people don’t have to ask for help, I gave up. I put the kids in the car and drove to my Great Grandmother and asked her to please help me. That evening, as the children were sleeping, we sat down in my Great Grandmother’s kitchen at the small table. I looked around as thousands of memories flooded my mind from my childhood and how many talks had taken place over that table and began to cry.
I told her everything, how I was trying so hard to be perfect, how I couldn’t seem to get anything right, how everyone was driving me crazy and I had no patience for anyone or anything. What was wrong with me? I couldn’t even work a simple spell anymore.
My Great Grandmother hugged me and then we talked. For hours we just talked. She reminded me of how silly I was for even trying to be any kind of perfect, since perfect was not possible and to try to reach something unobtainable always makes you feel less than who we are.
I handed her the spell I had so carefully written and as she read over my spell she begin to laugh. “What is it?” I asked. Still laughing she said, “Honey, your spell is perfect and you got just what you asked for.” Shocked I said to her, “No I didn’t, I asked for patience and to learn to be more patience toward my family.” Smiling at me and shaking her head she explained. “Little one, you asked to learn patience. The only way one can learn patience by experiencing all those things that drive you crazy; all those things that cause you to be annoyed, irritated and impatient. That is how you learn to accept what life gives you. You learn from the experience. You are learning, though it may not be how you expected it to come. It is what you asked for.”
After that I calmed within my spirit and begin to laugh and cry until nothing but laugher was left. I learned a lot that weekend. I learned I had to be me and it was okay not to be perfect. I also learned to be careful what and how I asked for things within my spell work. The Mother of All is wise in her teachings. We learn as and what we need to according to her timing not ours. To think we can quicken the lessons may not be the experience or answer we desire, but it will be what we need.
Blessing to all,
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