the daily humorscope
Sunday, January 01, 2012
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Do not snitch a jelly donut today, when nobody is looking. The chocolate frosted one is much better.
Today you will invent a new type of automated squid sorter, for use by professional squid fishermen. You will call it the Squid Pro Quo. That will be a mistake.
Today you will discover a strange-looking thing in your underwear drawer. Best not to tell anyone.
Today you will see a free floating full torso vaporous apparition! It’ll turn out that your glasses are smudged.
Today you will discover a lot of money under your pillow! Unfortunately, it won’t begin to cover the cost of the dentures that you will also discover a sudden need for.
Don’t lose hope! Conditions like yours are painful and embarassing, but often clear up on their own.
You look ridiculous in that. Go and change.
You are about to start a band, with friends, which will be called “Rainy Daze”. You will choose that name primarily because one of your group simply doesn’t care for “Clenched Buttocks” as a band name.
You’ll become best pals with a large invisible rabbit, today. Well, actually he’s a “puka”, which is a type of Celtic spirit, but he’ll look like a large invisible rabbit.
Good day to make a call from a pay-phone in a busy place, and say (in a loud voice) “You dumped the body WHERE?”.
Today you will wonder where idiomatic expressions come from, and whether you can start one yourself. Be careful, though. The first person to say “nothing succeeds like success” must have sounded like a real idiot.
You should look into some of that new “dream interpretation” software. That recurring dream about being naked in a hot tub with the Pope and Bill Gates is probably a really common one.
Witches Of The Craft® 