the daily humorscope
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Most people are aware that it’s supposed to be good luck to toss a pinch of salt over your left shoulder. Today you will discover that it’s even better luck to toss a carton of yogurt over your right shoulder.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Good day to bring an asparagus sandwich and a nice thermos of Cream-of-Meatloaf Soup for lunch.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
You will discover a bassoon player hiding in the shrubbery. That’s not something you should try to deal with yourself — call in the professionals.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
You will be plagued by feelings of inadequacy, and will have a feeling of ennui mixed with malaise. But don’t let it get you down!
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Beware of turnips.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
In one of those amusing misunderstandings that often happen due to bad phone connections, you will show up to go on a hike with something unexpected. If you stop and think about it, you’ll realise that it isn’t that likely someone would say “It may be cold, so be sure to bring a goat.”
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Oh go ahead. You know you want to. Besides, nobody is watching.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Beware the toilet plunger of Doom.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Due to a bump on the head today, you will lose all memory of what you did with your keys. Or at least, that always makes a dandy excuse.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
Hmm. Hard to read this one. The carrot stopped right between “kidnapped and tortured” and “wins the lottery”. Probably a little of both, I’d guess.
Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
Today you will be either snug as a bug in a rug, or smug as a thug on a drug. Hard to say for sure.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
You’ll go out to dinner with a new person, soon. Remember the advice of my old Uncle Stonebender, though: “It’s fine if someone eats like a bird, as long as they don’t have kids.”
Witches Of The Craft® 
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