A Little Humor for Your Day – “Boy, oh boy, I can relate to this, The Definition of Barbecuing!”

Definition of Barbecuing

It’s the only type of cooking a “real” man will do. When a man volunteers to do the ‘BBQ’ the following chain of events are put into motion:

1) The woman goes to the store.
2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, beer in hand.
4) The man places the meat on the grill.
5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
10) Everyone praises man and thanks him for his cooking efforts.
11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off.” And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.

 

Source:

JokesWarehouse.com

Daily Feng Shui News for April 22 – ‘Earth Day’

Today is ‘Earth Day’ and so this one is easy. Today, do something — anything — to improve the condition of the planet. Recycle or pick up garbage lying by the side of the road or monitor your water usage. Turn off faucets when you brush your teeth and don’t run your shower for five minutes before getting in. Try to incorporate one small act of kindness to the earth into every day and soon you will be making a huge difference. Let me be the first to thank you for your excellent efforts.

By Ellen Whitehurst for Astrology.com

Your Charm for Tuesday, April 22nd is The Hand

Your Charm for Today

 

The Hand

Today’s Meaning:
The hand indicates you will need to extend effort to protect this aspect from outside influences. The devices attached indicate you will need tools to be successful in your protection.

General Description:
The use of a representation of the Hand as a talisman can be traced back to at least 800 years B.C., when it was used as a charm against enchantment. Many varieties of the Hand exist; in some the elaboration is very marked, each devise represents some particular charm. Life size models of these Hands were supposed to guard the house against all the influences of magic and evil, and smaller replicas protected their wearers from every description of harm. The extended thumb and first two fingers, the third and fourth fingers closed, is the position still assumed during the benediction in some Christian Churches of today.

Your Animal Spirit for Tuesday, April 22nd is Sasquatch

Your Animal Spirit for Today

Sasquatch
Is Big Foot real or a hoax? It doesn’t really matter, because he has ambled into your reading to remind you of life’s mysteries. Not everything can be explained, not everything can be touched—but that doesn’t mean it don’t exist. Suspend your logic for a bit, and be open to the mystery.

Your Ancient Symbol Card for April 22nd is Simplicity

Your Ancient Symbol Card for Today

 Simplicity

A much revered swami said “Simplicity is the nature of great souls.” There is a natural sense of art and genius in Simplicity. Keeping things simple produces solutions that are not only efficient but work well and are easy to maintain and build upon. Whether it takes a physical form or is an idea simple constructs please our aesthetic self. Simplicity is soothing, because you don’t have to fight your way through layers of complexity to see and understand the end result.

As a daily card, Simplicity indicates a time when you will do well by looking for simple solutions, and avoiding that which cannot be easily understood or implemented. In short, if a plan can’t get you form point A to point B without any side trips, then it is the wrong plan. Look for answers that you see immediately, that sets the proverbial light of in your head and makes you exclaim Eureka!

 

Your Personal Daily Tarot Card for April 22nd is Judgment

Your Personal Daily Tarot Card for Today

 Judgment



Judgment embodies those forces which require us to be accountable for our actions. With Judgment truths are revealed, mysteries are unraveled and responsibility is assigned. Judgment unveils outcomes and marks the ends of things. While it is a time to properly place guilt, it is also a time for atonement and forgiveness. Ultimately the process of Judgment should lead to freedom from errors made in the past and a fresh start with a clean slate. To that end Judgment actually promises the start of a new journey on which we can apply what we have learned from our past.

 

Get A Jump On Tomorrow, Your Horoscopes for Wed., April 23rd

We might feel as if we’ve been pushed into a corner and need to break free now at any cost. We may even lose patience today as impulsive Mars stresses the transformational Uranus-Pluto square. We’re less likely to compromise once messenger Mercury shifts into obstinate Taurus. We’re tempted to overreact, turning a minor disagreement into a major conflict. Unfortunately, there won’t be any winners if everyone insists on fighting to the finish.

Aries Horoscope

(Mar 21 – Apr 19)

Your world is full of invisible fuses today and you are carrying a lit propane torch. You might be concerned about making it through the day without accidentally setting off an unwanted display of emotional fireworks. A personal meltdown may be inevitable now, so don’t waste your energy trying to sidestep the conflict. If you must express your feelings, at least do whatever you can to minimize the collateral damage.

Taurus Horoscope

(Apr 20 – May 20)

You might feel uneasy as you attempt to suppress your intense emotions; however, this strategy of denial won’t take you very far today. There is simply too much at stake and you may have to defend your values at some point. But don’t get sucked into dramas that aren’t yours; keep bringing the conversation back to the most fundamental issues so you can make your point. Your brilliant originality combines with your sheer determination now to make you an unstoppable force of nature.

Gemini Horoscope

(May 21 – Jun 20)

You’re eager to make your move today, but you might need to modify your tactics because of changing circumstances. However, your ruling planet Mercury steps into steady Taurus this morning, giving you an unflappable sense of certainty over the next couple of weeks. Keeping an open mind is critical now because rigid thinking could cause you to freeze up. Practice deep breathing, peaceful meditation or anything else that soothes your frazzled nerves and resonates with your heart. Adapting quickly to the new landscape increases your chances for success.

Cancer Horoscope

(Jun 21 – Jul 22)

Your colorful imagination is flowing strong today, making it difficult to navigate the shifting emotional tides of reality. Even if you’re not completely ready for the transition, additional preparation might not change the outcome anyhow. Don’t exhaust yourself struggling to hang on to things you no longer need. Let go and the past will lose its grip on your future. The sooner you overcome your fear and trust the process of transformation the better.

Leo Horoscope

(Jul 23 – Aug 22)

You feel at peace with your action plan, but some things aren’t clear if the rules of the game suddenly change. Someone unexpectedly might turn against you today. Or, perhaps the level of intensity just heats up more than you expected. One way or another, this shocking energy shift requires you to alter your direction. Flexibility is your secret weapon now, since you can’t control the powers being unleashed. Your brilliance can shine through if you are willing to be like the willow tree and bend in the wind.

Virgo Horoscope

(Aug 23 – Sep 22)

Unexpected disruptions at work can create surprising opportunities to show your hidden talents. You are ready to take charge in order to put your schedule back on track, but you must work with others to make everything happen on time. Remember that cooperation is your current key to success. Even if people seem to block your efforts now, don’t exclude them from your plans. Instead, incorporating the contributions from your friends helps you reach your destination sooner than you expected.

Libra Horoscope

(Sep 23 – Oct 22)

It’s time for all you good-natured Libras to take off your velvet gloves and fight to express your individuality. Don’t make the mistake of simply acquiescing to the pressure of authority today without a good reason. Instead of relying on other people to represent your position, take responsibility for defending yourself. Owning your power isn’t easy when you are used to being a team player, but ultimately, it will be much more personally satisfying if you stand up to anyone who isn’t respectful of your feelings.

Scorpio Horoscope

(Oct 23 – Nov 21)

You’re not in the mood to be pushed around today; you have been stretched to your limit, and the slightest provocation might trigger your swift response. Combative Mars squares fierce Pluto and opposes unpredictable Uranus, releasing buried feelings and creating more drama than you intended. To make the best use of the electricity in the air, channel your intensity into creative endeavors or physical exertion. Misdirected energy can be problematic now, but you are unbeatable when your actions align with your heart.

Sagittarius Horoscope

(Nov 22 – Dec 21)

Even if you try to keep your feelings to yourself today, your preferences still might leak out and create a bit of a ruckus. Your friends and associates may assume you’re purposefully pushing their buttons, but this isn’t your objective. You just want everyone to understand your perspective and are tempted to pressure others to make your point. However, a gentle approach can turn an adversary into a supporter. There’s no reason to alienate your allies in order to be true to yourself.

Capricorn Horoscope

(Dec 22 – Jan 19)

You’re not interested in revealing your feelings unless there is a purpose for the display. However, your need to express your opinions may be compelling enough now that you will do so, even if it’s counterproductive. Although you probably know what’s best, you still might go out of your way to give someone a piece of your mind. Don’t judge yourself too harshly if you take the situation too seriously. Simply apologize for your behavior if necessary, and focus on creating positive change in the present moment.

Aquarius Horoscope

(Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Although you may sound quite brilliant today, your innovative ideas turn into unnecessary ultimatums if you don’t know when to stop. Don’t try to convince anyone that you have all the answers now; just state your truth and then back off. Let your words strike like lightning since they might even bring a much-needed shock of awareness to others. Your message will have greater resonance with those you’re trying to reach if you come from a place of sincerity.

Pisces Horoscope

(Feb 19 – Mar 20)

Your tumultuous feelings cross over into public domain today where they have the potential to upset someone who is in the vicinity. It’s not that your emotions are so outrageous; it’s just that others may be caught off guard by the sudden intensity of your rebellion, even if your behavior doesn’t seem that radical to you. Although you’re doing the right thing by expressing your heart, don’t burn any bridges behind you unless you have no intent of ever returning. Cultivate your compassion while still honoring your truth.

Your Daily Horoscopes for Tuesday, April 22nd

The pressure for change doesn’t let up as the stressful alignments between Jupiter, Uranus and Pluto linger. Additionally, action-packed Mars blasts onto the scene today to form a rare Grand Square, encouraging the energy to get out of hand. Jupiter’s expansive optimism fans the flames of fiery Mars, giving us an inflated sense of confidence. Happily, we’re not interested in looking back once the Moon enters futuristic Aquarius at 12:17 am EDT.

Aries Horoscope

(Mar 21 – Apr 19)

Someone’s big ideas seem totally outrageous today, even if you enjoy living dangerously. You might try to take the easy way out and simply sweep the problem under the rug by moving on to another conversation. However, there’s no way you can sidestep a confrontation now. Demonstrate your courage by facing your denial and pushing the issues out into the open. Things might be bumpy at first, but a straightforward approach assures you of the best chances of success.

Taurus Horoscope

(Apr 20 – May 20)

You might find yourself going along for the ride at work now, even if you aren’t in full agreement with the direction. You realize that you could argue your case, but your good will is more effective in the long run than fighting against the consensus of the group. Relax; letting someone else take the lead for a while isn’t a permanent change. Show your team spirit by supporting your coworkers the best you can. Your sense of loyalty and willingness to compromise won’t go unrewarded.

Gemini Horoscope

(May 21 – Jun 20)

Your ideas sound great to everyone at first, but their resistance may increase once someone points out that you’ve overlooked an important detail. You might not be able to get off the hook today as easily as you wish since you will be held accountable for your actions. Thankfully, your mental clarity returns and works in your favor, but concrete results could take a few days to manifest. Keep in mind that there’s no need to be in such a hurry. This detour is a blessing in disguise; seize the opportunity to fine-tune your strategy.

Cancer Horoscope

(Jun 21 – Jul 22)

Chaotic circumstances at work now make it harder than ever to focus on your job. Nevertheless, you believe that you know what is valuable and what is a drain on your energy. However, if you must take a stand, at least be sure that you’re not turning an unimportant detail into a big deal. Once you actually decide to go ahead with your plan, don’t allow anything to distract you. Your confidence, commitment and determination make an unbeatable combination.

Leo Horoscope

(Jul 23 – Aug 22)

Overcoming a few small obstacles that stand in the path between you and your happiness now is not going to be as simple as it seems. In fact, your faith in your abilities may be greater than the situation warrants. Carefully consider what you want to say and do prior to taking such bold action. Even if you don’t feel like explaining your motives today, practicing a little humility and diplomacy can go a long way to enlisting others in your cause.

Virgo Horoscope

(Aug 23 – Sep 22)

Your day starts off innocently enough, but the energy grows more convoluted by the afternoon. You understand that part of your job now is to sort out the meaningful messages from the increasing amount of noise. Unfortunately, you might feel as if there’s no place to hide when the pace quickens. But don’t cut yourself off from the action because there are gems of potential in the mix if you have the courage to search for them. Step outside of your comfort zone to manifest your dreams.

Libra Horoscope

(Sep 23 – Oct 22)

It may be futile to attempt to keep anything secret today because, strangely enough, everyone already seems to know what’s going on in your life. The good news is the magnifying lens will only be focused on you for a couple of days. The intensity will fade but your life might never be quite the same as it was before. In the meantime, live in the present moment and simply deal with each surprise as it arrives. Paradoxically, embracing the unknown is your surest route to success.

Scorpio Horoscope

(Oct 23 – Nov 21)

Even if you feel like you’re at the end of your rope today, there’s really no cause for immediate alarm. The apparent finality is just an illusion to push you into motion. However, the danger is that you may be so emotionally charged that you overcompensate and do too much. Let your heightened anxiety move you off dead center and stir you to action, but don’t overreact or you might be back to the drawing board all too quickly. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Sagittarius Horoscope

(Nov 22 – Dec 21)

This can be a grand day for you Archers as action-hero Mars fires up your key planet Jupiter. You may start your day with inflated expectations only to suddenly discover that they are out of place. Don’t give your discouragement a warm enough reception that it wants to stick around all day. Just relegate your visions of the future to your inner world where you are entirely free to wander wherever you want. No matter what, keep your dreams alive.

Capricorn Horoscope

(Dec 22 – Jan 19)

You have a promising opportunity to make progress today, but you must face an intense issue head on. Others respect your willingness to work hard, but you mustn’t assume a superior attitude now, even if that’s how you feel. You are already running a marathon of sorts, and your responsibilities require you to stay on the straight and narrow path even if there are a few wonderful distractions beckoning along the way. Focusing on the finish line enhances your chances of winning the race.

Aquarius Horoscope

(Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Although you’re better known for fostering independence in those you love, you may need to practice your nurturing skills to care for someone special today. Your close proximity with emotional interdependence can raise a bit of discomfort now because it puts you directly in touch with your own feelings. Whatever you do, don’t try to rationalize them away. Luckily, tending to your eclectic needs is still possible while you come through with the goodies for others. Take a chance and open the door to your heart.

Pisces Horoscope

(Feb 19 – Mar 20)

You can feel the stress in a relationship today and you want to share your solution for putting everything back in harmony. The only safe way out of this unstable situation is to deflate it before it explodes. Remember, you played an active role in creating the present dynamics and now you need to participate in making it right. Think of your current challenge as an adventure. You’re on the metaphysical bomb squad and have been sent in to defuse the scene of the crime. If you remain calm, cool and compassionate, you could emerge as the hero who saves the day.

Your Daily Cosmic Calendar for Earth Day 2014

Celebrating the Earth — on a particular day — has a cosmic source and confirmation as it occurs early in the Sun-in-Taurus time-period every year. And Taurus is the first earth sign of the zodiacal circle. However, while communing with Mother Nature is definitely a must for many human souls right now, the last 48 hours of sky patterns have been harsh-to-severe in many areas of life. It is likely that a good number of people are picking up the pieces of difficult situations related to social affairs, family concerns, and business matters. Yesterday’s mammoth Uranus-Pluto square — on top of the Jupiter-Uranus and Jupiter-Pluto aspects from Sunday — are still operating beneath the surface, causing disruptions across the board in what ought to be regular daily activities. Now the Last Quarter Sun-Moon Phase (energizing 3 degrees of Taurus and Aquarius at 12:53AM) greets you with a strong dose of tension — followed nearly 12 hours later by an abrasive square between Mars in Libra and Jupiter in Cancer (12:29PM). The red planet Mars increases the pressure as it forms a contra-parallel with usually productive and nurturing Ceres (1:26PM). Because Mars is the traditional planet of passion, desire, emotional release, aggression, volatility and warfare, you can never assume that martial forces will play by the rules, be nice, and stay calm. Instead, it is sensible to avoid risky behavior, steer clear of temperamental types, and strive to be a peacemaker within your household, neighborhood or community (particularly with the Moon in the universal air sign of Aquarius). The recent brouhaha creating disharmony in the heavens is not over yet as Mars rekindles its fiery nature early on Wednesday. [Note to readers: All times are calculated for Pacific Daylight Time. Be sure to adjust all times according to your own local time so the alignments noted above will be exact for your location.]

Calendar of the Moon for Tuesday, April 22nd

Calendar of the Moon

Willow Tree Month

Colors: Yellow, silver, and pale willow-green
Element: Water
Altar: Upon cloth of yellow, silver, and pale willow-green place three white candles, wreaths of willow-branches, a large clay bowl of water, flowers if they are available, and a silver moon.
Offerings: Contemplate an emotion, and how you use it, and how it uses you.
Daily Meal: Vegetarian, preferably cold food. Fruits. Only spring water to drink.

Saille Invocation

Call: Now is the time of the Willow Goddess.
Response: Now is the time of the Green Man’s courting.
Call: Now is the time when leaves are full.
Response: Now is the time when gold gives way to silver.
Call: Now is the time when Sun gives way to Moon.
Response: Now is the time when Lord gives way to Lady.
Call: Now is the time of the search and the quest.
Response: Now is the time of magic dew on the fields.
Call: Now is the time of the phallus rising.
Response: He seeks the doorway that is wet with spring rains.
Call: He seeks the moon in the river.
Response: He seeks the fishes in the winnowing basket.
Call: He seeks the fruit of Persephone.
Response: He seeks the mountain of the Muses.
Call: We crown his head with flowers….
Response: That he may reach the sky.
Call: We crown his head with ribbons….
Response: That he may touch the earth.
Call: We bring forth the pole from earth to sky.
Response: We lay the line from earth to sky.
Call: We blow like the wind from earth to sky.
Response: We fall like the rain from sky to earth.
Call: We descend like the sunlight from sky to earth.
Response: We climb like the trees from sky to earth.
Call: We are the children of earth and sky.
Response: We are beloved of sky and earth.

Chant:
We all come from the Goddess, and to Her we shall return,
Like a drop of rain, flowing to the ocean.

 

[Pagan Book of Hours]

Calendar of the Sun for Tuesday, April 22nd

Calendar of the Sun
22 Eostremonath

Day of Aradia

Colors: White and silver
Element: Air
Altar: Upon a cloth of white and silver place many silver paper stars and a silver paper moon, a glass bowl of water with a silver metal star immersed in it, two white candles, and a spray of white blossom.
Offerings: Silver paper stars with wishes written on them. Give unselfishly of yourself to someone.
Daily Meal: Light, cold food.

Invocation to Aradia

Daughter of Diana the Mother of All,
Daughter of Lucifer the Bright,
Child of Light who glows with the power
Of all the stars in the sky,
Promised one who aids those
Of your mother’s children
Who cry out in great need,
Hear us, Aradia, daughter of the sky,
Whose song is borne on the west winds
And whose touch is the twinkle of a star
As it glimmers at midnight,
Time of the witching hour.
We call upon you, child who was promised
To us as our savior and helpmate,
To remember us in our time of need
And to give us aid in times of hardship.
Your merciful hands extend over us
Like a shower of midnight stars.

Chant:
Moon, moon, shining bright,
Midnight on the water,
Oh, Aradia,
Diana’s silver daughter.
Hope, hope, shining bright,
Bring us through the dark night,
Oh, Aradia,
Child of moon and starlight.
(All place their stars upon the altar and then douse the candles.)

 

[Pagan Book of Hours]

Current Moon Phase for Tuesday, April 22nd

Third Quarter Moon

(waning/46% of Full)

The time of reaping is at hand. There is a feeling of completion infused into the atmosphere during the Third Quarter Moon. The opportunity opens to recognize how far you’ve come in various parts of your life. This is not a good time for new beginnings, but rather a reflective period suited to evaluating how you have been using your time and what has been accomplished. Issues of authority may arise. This Moon phase supports taking responsibility for actively tying up the loose ends of projects that are already underway.