You might be a Redneck Pagan if…
- If you think “widdershins” refers to the calves of the bereaved lady next door….
- If you think fetch deer is a command you give yer dawg….
- If you think a goblet is a young turkey….
- If you think Drawing Down the Moon means demolishing the outhouse….
- If you call your coven mates “Bud” and “Sis”….
- If you think a Great Rite is turning onto County Road 13….
- If your Quarter candles smell like kerosene….
- If you pronounce “Athame” as “Athaym” and “Samhain” as “Sammon” or “Sam-hayn”….
- If you think a “Sidhe” is a girl….
- If your idea of the “Goddess” is the Coors Swedish Bikini Ski Team….
- If your Bard plays the banjo….
- If your ‘Long Lost Friend really IS….
- If your lawn is decorated with at least one, preferably two or more, plastic pink flamingos, whom you regard as your familiars….
- If your Wand of Power is a cattle prod….
- If your ceremonial belt has your name on the back and a belt buckle bigger than your head….
- If you call the Quarters by invoking “Billy, Joe, Jim and Bob”….
- If you call the Gods by hollerin’ “Hey y’all, watch me!”….
- If your favorite robe has the logo of a manufacturer of major farm equipment on the back….
- If you’ve ever harvested ritual herbs with a weed wacker….
- If your ritual staff is a double barrel shotgun….
- If your ritual garments include any one of the following: plaid flannels, long johns, a pistol belt, or cowboy boots….
- If you’ve ever blessed chewing tobacco or snuff….
- If your ritual wine is Maddog 20/20, Night Train or White Lady 21….
- If the instructions to get to your Covenstead include the words “After you turn off the paved road”….
- If your altar-cloth is a rebel flag….
- If you use junk cars to mark the four corners of your circle….
- If your Eternal Flame just happens to be under a still….
- If you use an engine block for an altar….
- If your High Priestess is your cousin – as well as your wife….
- If, when drawing down the moon, you say, “Ya’ll come on down, ya hear?”….
- If your pickup truck has an Athame rack….
- If your crystal ball is made of polystyrene (i.e., a bowling ball)….
- If your High Priestess has a spittoon on her altar….
You might be a Redneck Pagan!