the daily humorscope
Friday, May 18, 2012
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Good day to sip tea. Remember to extend your pinkie!
Today you will become a card-carrying member of a new and very exclusive organization named “Yeomen of the Carbuncle”, although you’ll spend a lot of time at the first meeting debating whether it should actually be called “Yeopersons of the Carbuncle.”
Unbeknownst to thee, thou art over-fond of archaic terms. Prithee, wouldst thou kindly desist?
Thrombosis. Beware. Also, your best friend will rush up and indicate by nonverbal means that Timmy is trapped under a log again.
Today you will be invited to go on a 3 hour boat tour, which you think will be lots of fun. It may last longer than you expect…
Today you’ll suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, and believe me, that’ll hurt.
Beware of bubonic plague today. Other than that, things will be fairly normal.
Tomorrow when you wake up, you’ll make an unpleasant discovery. Sometime during the night, you’ll have been visited by the nostril hair fairy.
You will be sucked into a multi-level marketing organisation today, and will lose all your friends, along with your self-respect. Later, though, you’ll realize that your new friends are much better than those old friends, and that you feel like you’re part of a big “family”. Or at least, that’s what you’ll say.
As a joke, you should put an 8-foot-tall mucous-covered “egg” in your friend’s basement. Then, when he or she goes down to do a load of laundry…
You will join a team, and have lots of fun. I’m not sure what sport it is, but the team name will be “The Screaming Weasels”.
Soon, through no fault of your own, you will catch someone underlining words in a library book. It’s just one of those signs, you know? Before the Apocalypse.
Witches Of The Craft® 