Devil worshippers? I think not, pagans as a whole do not even believe in such a deity, they believe that evil comes from the human heart, you either accept it in or you don’t. And most pagans… don’t.
Must we hide? Yes. Simply put we fear for our lives and those of our families. Especially our children, many choose to follow in our footsteps; however, many do not. We do not drag our children to meditations or rituals; they go if they so choose. We would never force their will and make them participate.
They are allowed to find their own path through life accepting whatever form of spirituality calls to their souls. If it is Christianity, then so be it, that is how we live, work and love. We are happy, normal people with families, careers and the same daily strife that all people experience.
So how is it that people look at me as if I am different?
I am not any different from them. I simply want to live my life the way I see fit without having to adhere to something I simply do not believe in. I believe in life around me, in attempting to live without hurting and judging others regardless of their beliefs. Never would I tell someone they should not be Christian and yet, many tell me that I need saving.
It astounds me that so many have the gall to do so and will not give me the time of day otherwise. They won’t even take a minute to get to know me, speak with me about my choices and try to understand why I have chosen so. Why is this? Can they not think for themselves? Are they so trapped in one way of life they cannot even consider there may be many other ways to find joy in their own spiritual beings? And that brings me to this:
WITCH! SHE’S A WITCH!!
Okay, so maybe I am a witch. What is so wrong with that? Wise Woman, I believe is a wonderful thing to be. In tune with yourself, your world and your thoughts and ideas. How evil is that? Amazingly enough it seems perfect to me.
I have suffered, suffer not a witch to live… well, I am beginning to think that maybe that is exactly what many in this world are going for.
Many months ago my husband and I were attacked after an evening out. Protecting me he suffered permanent damage to his right eye and I had a severe concussion. I didn’t understand, I wondered why the diamond engagement and wedding bands were still on my hand, why my husband still had his wallet. Recently things began seeping back, dreams that woke me screaming in a cold sweat, flashes and still the headaches plague me. I remember a group of young men following us, I remember them making sneering and nasty comments about my pentacle and myself, devil worshipper, witch, whore; I remember simply saying Blessed Be and then for so long, until recently, I remember nothing.
To remember nothing is a horrible feeling and now I wish I had never remembered. I realize now that they were willing to go through my well-sized very fit husband to get to me; they wanted me seriously hurt or simply dead. And they do it at night, on a dark, lonely downtown street and when they are finished they run like the cowards they are.
There were at least six of them against the two of us, really one of us, my husband. And he was angry with me, blamed me, why did I have to be the person I am, why couldn’t I just keep it to myself? Why did I always have to be who I was, could I not just pretend to be someone and something else? That hurt as much or even more than my head did and does to this day. To know that the person you love with all your heart and soul wishes even for one moment that you were someone else.
After being beaten for wearing my pentacle in the open so that others know my spirituality, I am almost certain I should move as far away from civilization as I can and never poke my head back into it again. Living in the middle of a wood with only the trees, sky and creatures as my friends I would never be judged, hated, scoffed at or beaten to the point of a severe concussion.
Telling your children to hate anyone for any reason is not an option. It’s no option of mine anyhow, I hope that I am teaching my children to love everyone for the simple fact that they too are here on this planet trying to live in such a harsh world but I want them to see the beauty around them.
To see the love that is there, from the tiniest flower hidden in the beautiful weeds to the grandeur of the sky above them filled with millions of stars and the moon at night. To see every person as basically good even if they don’t act as if they are at all times. To remember that their words and actions have a multitude of rippling reactions creating sometimes good and/or bad consequences.
Not being able to get a job because I won’t lie about who I am or hide it from the world is simply wrong. Working alongside others who may wear a symbol of their faith without being judged while you may not when you can get that job is sad, unfair and simply wrong.
And yet, again, I begin to believe I simply do not belong in this world. That maybe my family would be better off without me, that they would have the chance to just fit in and be a part of this world without me holding them back because I can not believe what others do. Because I know better, I know that any God or Goddess looking down upon this planet and it’s people today is crying, just as I am now, knowing that this is not the way it was meant to be.
Today I am not in tune with myself or anything, I simply do not want to be in this world with those who will not use the mind and free will given them to make a decision based on anything other that fiction.