A Little Humor for Your Day – Things Not To Say During Childbirth

Things Not To Say During Childbirth

– Gosh, you’re lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth.

— Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts?

— I hope your ready. The Glamour Shot photographer will be here in fifteen minutes.

— If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing basketball.

— That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner?

— When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar.

— You don’t need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment.

— This whole experience kind of reminds me of an episode from I Love Lucy.

— Oops! Which cord was I supposed to cut?

— Stop your swearing and just breathe.

— Remember what we learned in Lamaze class! HEE HEE HOO HOO. You’re not using the right words.

— Your stomach still looks like there’s another one in there

First Joke of the Day – ‘Things You Will Never Hear A Man Say’

Never hear a man say

Things You’ll Never Hear A Man Say:

  1. Here honey, you use the remote.
  2. You know, I’d like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.
  3. Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That’s one movie I gotta see!
  4. While I’m up, can I get you anything?
  5. Honey since we don’t have anything else planned, will you go to the wallpaper store with me?
  6. Why don’t you go to the mall with me and help me pick out a pair of shoes?
  7. Aww, forget Monday night football, Let’s watch Melrose Place.
  8. Hey let me hold your purse while you try that on.
  9. We never talk anymore

Today is Monday, April 11th

Monday is ruled by the moon

Archangel: Gabriel

Candle colour: Silver

Incenses: Jasmine or Myrrh

Crystals: Moonstone or Opal

Use Mondays for spells for fertility, protection especially while traveling for home, and family and to increase psychic and healing powers.

Where possible, work close to any water and, as a bonus, by moonlight.