A Little Humor – Signs That You Need More Room For Ritual

Signs That You Need More Room For Ritual

  1. Your goals for ritual include finishing without knocking over the fire element.
  2. You need to time your rituals to last no more than 1 hour, in order to not be suffocated by the one incense stick in the east.
  3. Your familiar entering the circle pushes you out of it.
  4. And your familiar is a dragon fly.
  5. Your cauldron is a coffee cup and your altar is a dinner plate.
  6. You must dance while sitting, so you don’t trip over Freya.
  7. You think your carpet has turned white, but then you realize it’s the salt you used to mark the circle.
  8. The last time you invoked the Horned One, you had to patch the ceiling.
  9. The water element sunlight’s a fishbowl, a drinking glass, and a sink,              simultaneously.
  10. Your coven is only three people, and you still have to leave your shoes in the hallway to make room.
  11. You have to offer money to the Gods, because a steak or loaf of bread would take up too much space in the circle.
  12. You have to fold the bed against the wall to fit the air element in.
  13. Your rituals are all skyclad, after that nasty incident of an overanxious candle torching all the coven’s robes at once last Lammas.
  14. You’re a Taurus, and you still think this situation must change.
  15. You’re a Scorpio, but you’re developing a fear of candle fire.
  16. You’re a Gemini, but you have no indecision about the need for more room.
  17. You’re a Leo, and you’re growing shy because it’s your bedroom we’ve been practicing in.
  18. You’re an Aries, but you’re now adept at dancing around numerous candles on the floor without burning yourself, for reasons of survival.
  19. You’re a Cancer, but you don’t need to ask your mother if this is enough space. You know it’s not.
  20. You’re a Virgo, and you can’t manage to engineer the space in order to fit everyone.
  21. You’re a Libra, and you’re firmly with Gemini on this one.
  22. You’re a Sagittarius, but the remains of the sea glass from the West at last Esbat which will still not leave your feet are starting to depress you.
  23. You’re a Capricorn and you are starting to dream of grand forests with acres of space, and a mansion to practice in on rainy days.
  24. You’re an Aquarius and the burning hair problem is starting to make you              emotional.
  25. You’re a Pisces but you know that something’s wrong.
  26. You’re a Discordian, but when asked if the problem needs to be fixed, you reply, “Yes, immediately! How about my place?”
  27. You’re a New Ager, but not even you believe another crystal will help.
  28. You’re an Old Wiccan, but have started using the chalice and wand for the Great Rite anyway.
  29. You’re a Neo Wiccan, but you’ve had to remove some of the rainbows and “Goddess loves us!” banners in order to make room for your name.
  30. You’re Asatru, but you’re starting to consider putting some of your battle axes into storage.
  31. Last time to walked to the West you flooded the place.
  32. Casting a circle involves moving things out of the way.
  33. Jumping over your bed is part of the spiral dance.
  34. If the whole coven ever drew their athames to call the quarters, you would wind up with CSI: Between The Worlds.
  35. You are openly Pagan but still can say you’re in the closet.

 

Turok’s Cabana

2 thoughts on “A Little Humor – Signs That You Need More Room For Ritual”

    1. I am glad you enjoyed it. I thought it was sort of cute myself but I have a straight humor. Of course, you can use. I hope your readers enjoy it.

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