the daily humorscope
Sunday, June 10, 2012
(March 21 – April 19)
Today you will realize that it’s impossible to truly “control” anything, even yourself, and that the best you can hope for is to have some “influence” over yourself and your surroundings. This will make you feel better, before the pink slip arrives.
(April 20 – May 20)
You’ve heard that when economists use the word “nice”, they’re actually saying that something is homoscedastic and nonautoregressive. Today you will find out what they mean when they say something is “like, totally kewl.”
(May 21 – June 20)
You will be tickled without mercy, today. Oddly, you will not be able to see your assailant.
(June 21 – July 22)
You will try to alleviate the boredom you feel by making something creative with twine. Fortunately, it will work, but you’ll need a lot of twine.
(July 23 – August 22)
Good day to avoid pickled herring.
(August 23 – September 22)
It was a simple mistake, which anyone could have made. What’s more, now you know better. I think, though, that the expression is too widespread for you to actually get it changed to “never look a gift horse in either end.”
(September 23 – October 22)
Someone who you really dislike, who is arrogance personified…will be nice to you. This is a good time to be afraid.
(October 23 – November 21)
What fun! You’ll be called in to a special meeting at work soon, where someone will have a “pink slip.” Sounds like party attire to me!
(November 22 – December 21)
You will go into business making those little sugar packets that restaurants use, and make a fortune. The restaurants will have to use fewer of yours than anyone else’s. Is it due to the pictures on the packets, of really fat people? Who knows.
(December 22 – January 20)
You will walk into a door frame today, and people will smirk. Remember though, they’re smirking with you, not at you.
(January 21 – February 18)
You are about to have an unfortunate episode involving insects, grape Kool-Aide, and a revolving door.
(February 19 – March 20)
Relationships are a lot like tables. One leg is love, one is trust, one is shared pleasures, and one is shared dreams. Lasting relationships need all four legs for balance, to hold up the burden of your troubles. In your case, though, you’ll never get rid of that irritating wobble.