the daily humorscope
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Arachnids will be especially troublesome today. Chances are only fair that you will make it through the day without tangling with one or more giant Amazonian tarantulas. Keep a stick within reach, is my advice. A big stick.
Today you will spend another entire day worried about your feet. But honestly, most people don’t notice these things. On the other hand, most people don’t spontaneously grow more toes, either.
You will declare war on ham, today. Possibly on all pork, not just ham. Why? Nobody will know.
You will have a hunch, today. Perhaps you should try a firmer mattress?
Excellent day to fritter things away.
Good day to bring home an insectivore as a pet.
In a savage reaction against what you view as New Age Wooly-Mindedness, you will write a best-selling book titled I’m Ok, You’re A Twerp. Later, people will often regard you as having “defined” the current decade.
You will be hired as a cook/housekeeper for 7 extremely short gentlemen, who all live together. Stay away from apples, for a while.
You will receive a “Dear John” letter from a loved one today, but much to your relief, your name isn’t “John”.
You will be struck by an odd thought, today. Fortunately it will be only a glancing blow, and will do little actual damage.
Today you will suddenly and quite unexpectedly become fascinated by fishing. You’ll spend all your spare time looking through lures, and will videotape all the fishing shows. Don’t lose hope, though — while there is no known cure for your condition, there’s a team working on it at MIT.
This is a good time to start becoming a connosieur. You have to take that one thing at a time, though – e.g. nobody is going to become a wine connosier overnight. Start with something that’s fun to say. Pumpernickel, for example.
Witches Of The Craft® 