the daily humorscopes for tuesday, sept.13th

the daily humorscope 

 

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

 

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Today you will have to take someone aside and gently explain that a “briefcase” is not actually for undergarments. Remember: you probably made a few silly mistakes yourself, when you were just starting out.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Good day to begin that toothpick sculpture you’ve been thinking of. You’ll be the only private individual (aside from Martha Stewart) who orders toothpicks by the case. Martha goes through several boxes just sticking breakfast together, I hear.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
While poring over some old historical documents, you will discover that the Norman invasion was actually supposed to be the “Bob” invasion, but Norman stole the credit for it. Sadly, it will turn out to be too late to change it now.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
This will be a very musical day for you, today. Next time, try to remember the Beano(tm)?
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
You will be sucked into a multi-level marketing organization today, and will lose all your friends, along with your self-respect. Later, though, you’ll realize that your new friends are much better than those old friends, and that you feel like you’re part of a big “family.” Or at least, that’s what you’ll say.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
It’s time to seriously consider indoor golf. How else are you going to use terms like “mashie” or “niblick” in casual conversation?
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Excellent day for a bubble bath. If you don’t have a little yellow rubber duckie, you’ll need to get that first, of course.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Don’t you owe someone a thank-you note? If not, send one anyway — that’s always fun.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Bad day to tease a yak.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
Good day to avoid pickled herring.
Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
The bad news is, you’re competing for that new job with a Hindu goddess. The good news is, if you think YOU have trouble figuring out what to do with your hands during an interview…
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Excellent time to show the world that plaid and stripes do too mix. (Tip #12 of Arnold Pinknobble’s “How To Get Noticed”.)

 

 

 

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