the daily humorscope
Friday, September 02, 2011
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Your feet will continue to trouble you today, although you won’t be quite able to put your finger on what’s wrong. You haven’t been that flexible in years.
Your mind will go blank today. You won’t mind — it’ll be a refreshing change from the raging torrents of thoughts that have been pouring through you lately. Plus, you’ll get to stretch out in a sunbeam and take a nice nap.
Today you will become a card-carrying member of a new and very exclusive organization named “Yeomen of the Carbuncle”, although you’ll spend a lot of time at the first meeting debating whether it should actually be called “Yeopersons of the Carbuncle.”
Good day for a nice nap.
You will be pestered by a small fluffy animal today. Don’t be taken in by appearances — it’s actually a mutant from outer space.
Your perfume or cologne has too much patchoulli. Only an idiot wears patchoulli. Or a witch. Hmm. Er, never mind. Wear whatever you like. I’m sure it’s quite nice.
Good day to make as much goulash as possible.
You will stack furniture in the bathtub, today. That’s just the sort of thing you would do, your friends will say.
Excellent day to refer to everyone as “Doctor”. This will make them grin, and they’ll forget all about that favor they were going to ask of you.
Today is the day you will discover your larger cosmic destiny! A television infomercial and an 800 number are somehow involved.
You will decide to write a letter to the editor. “Who is this ‘Al Ninyo’ guy,” you’ll say, “and why don’t they just lock him up?”
You’re fussing with your hair too much. Perhaps you should temporarily cut back on shampoo. Or at least demand real poo.
Witches Of The Craft® 