Knowing When To Move On

Author: Wynter Wolf

Everything changes.

The seasons change, people change, and the earth is always changing. Flowers grow and bloom and then die, and so do we. It is impossible to resist change.

But I still do resist. When things are exactly where I want them, I never want anything to change, but I know this is futile and sooner or later I will have to change, as well.

Lately, I have been stuck in a rut and only seem to be getting worse. I haven’t done anything Wicca-like in quite some time, because whenever I tried to I felt this dark presence or something telling me not to, as if the gods have turned away from me.

So I backed off for a while. I changed rooms in my house, and got a new desk that I placed directly under my window. So far, this alone has helped me; I have a direct view of my backyard, so I can watch birds hop everywhere and see plants and flowers grow. Sometimes coyotes pass and ravens will circle overhead. When the sun rises, I am the first to see it, and this has made me think of Eos, goddess of dawn. She is the sister of Selene, whom I have always felt drawn to.

A little after my eighteenth birthday, my friend gave me some presents. He drew me a picture of a pentagram with a sword and a chalice going through it, and a sun near the sword and a moon near the chalice. He also drew a few rune symbols on it and lent me his book of runes so that I can learn and decipher them.

He also made me a necklace, which is a chunk of amethyst wrapped in a gold chord that also has runes twisted into it. And last, but by no means least, he gave me a hand-carved athame.

It used to be a knife sharpener, but he sharpened it himself and then carved several rune messages into it. I don’t remember all of them, but I know that one of them that surround the handle is “blessed be” and the one going down the blade is my real name. It was specifically made to work with my energy, and I get this tingling up my right arm whenever I hold it. If I close my eyes I only have to concentrate a little bit to feel the forest where the wooden handle came from and hear the sound of the blade being sharpened.

I once read long ago that you should wait for the right athame to come to you, and I have waited for four years now. During that time, I used an Irish dagger as a stand-in, although the energy about it has been feeling wrong lately. I know that my birthday athame was the one I have been waiting to use, and on the next full moon I will consecrate, cleanse, and empower it, along with my necklace.

I visited my local Wiccan store recently, just because I haven’t in so long. There, I found a rune bag that I was instantly drawn to, behind the stand of statues for Hinduism and Buddhism. I have only used them once, and it was to ask if it is time to part ways with my current boyfriend.

I know I am supposed to use them for magickal purposes, but this has been bothering me for some time now. We have been together for over a year now, and during a recent weekend a few weeks ago, I was happy with him but still wondered if it would last. We are the kind of couple that gets into a fight and goes through a rough area every other week, and usually my depression is the cause of it. I love him, but I’m wondering if it’s time to move on and possibly try again in the future. One of my fellow employees gave me hope; he and his college sweetheart decided to part ways, and nine years later they found each other again and married.

The way things go with me, I tend to tell myself that if things aren’t working out then the universe doesn’t want them to work out, and perhaps sees a better alternative for me. This is a very difficult decision for me, however, because I want to hold on tight to him and never let go. The same employee asked if I was being selfish, to which I grudgingly agreed. But I know my boyfriend desperately wants to hold on, too. It’s like we’re at a harbor, clinging to each other because a storm (change) is threatening to separate us. Instead of throwing ourselves into the storm, we hold on as hard as we can.

Resisting change is futile, and giving in to it will only make things easier.

I wanted to focus on self-love lately, as well. I have been told several times that you cannot accept love into your life if you do not love yourself. So I have been thinking that if I let my boyfriend go and focus on loving myself, maybe, when the time is right, we will meet up again. Or, I will end up happier and he will, too.

While I was at that store, I found a book, Wicca for Beginners by Thea Sabin. I collect books for beginners in the area of Wicca because everyone has his/her own approach to the religion and I am always curious to how I will feel about it. By reading other authors and beginner books, I have broadened my horizons, so that it is easier to choose my own path.

How are things changing in your lives? How are you approaching it?

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Footnotes:
Wicca for Beginners by Thea Sabin