Laugh-A-Day for Nov. 25th: Signs That Your Cat Is Plotting World Domination

Signs That Your Cat Is Plotting World Domination


  1. Sits on your newspaper in the morning and carefully reads the coded message that Garfield sends out every day.
  2. Used to sleep on top of TV, now monitors CNN 24 hours a day.
  3. Notably absent from home during surprise feline invasion of Poland.
  4. When you enter the room, Snowball and the other members of the Tri-Cateral Commission stop talking and begin playing with yarn.
  5. Behind the couch you find a forged passport, plane tickets, and nine suicide bombs.
  6. What you thought was “heat” is actually a four-legged goose step.
  7. Well, *somebody* subscribed to alt.cats.world.domination.
  8. Autopsy of the last mouse left on your doormat reveals “tattoo” to be blueprint of the UN Building.
  9. Constantly petting that bald man he keeps on his lap.
  10. Kitty Chow spilled on the floor spells out “Drop the car keys and leave the door open or the dog gets it in the head.”
  11. Then — dead mice in the kitchen. Now — dead third world dictators in the basement.
  12. Judging from the kitchen, he seems to be working on some kind of “land mine” technology.
  13. Fluffy is now sleeping only 21 hours a day, down from 23.
  14. Has recently been acting somewhat… aloof.
  15. What your cat lacks in charisma and good looks, he makes up for with his ruthless handling of rival software companies.
  16. Somehow, you’re now subscribed to “Pussy of Fortune” magazine.

    Turok’s Cabana

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Good Morning All You Great Big Beautiful Witches and People Too, lol!

The Lady’s Prayer

Our Mother who art all things,
Our Lady who art the moon, sun, and heavens,
Hallowed be thy name
By thy sovereignty of the sacred land,
Thy divine will be done
On Earth as it is in all realms
Give us this day our daily bread
Bless and guide us, Great Goddess
And protect us from all harm and evil
For thine is the power, beauty, and love
Forever, and a day. Ayea!

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Romney stays on message in Poland after UK, Israel missteps

Romney stays on message in Poland after UK, Israel missteps

By NBC News staff and wire reports

Updated 7:17 a.m. ET: WARSAW, Poland — Capping a weeklong foreign trip, Mitt Romney on Tuesday praised the people of Poland for marching toward “economic liberty and smaller government” rather than “heeding the false promise of a government-dominated economy.”

In a speech Tuesday in Poland’s capital, Warsaw, the Republican presidential candidate also lauded Poland for its higher living standards and strong military.

The presumptive Republican nominee’s thee-country trip had been intended to project the image of a leader ready to stand on the world’s stage but has been sidelined somewhat over alleged missteps in Britain and Israel.

Romney’s comments in Poland fit into his campaign’s themes of smaller government, reduced federal spending and fewer regulations on business. He says Poland is thriving because it sought to “stimulate innovation, attract investment, expand trade and live within its means.”

Romney said Poland’s success was a reminder that “free enterprise can propel an economy and transform a society.”

Earlier Tuesday, Romney met with Polish Foreign Minister Radoslaw Sikorski. The two men discussed the longstanding ties between the two nations as well as the ongoing conflict in Afghanistan.

Poland has also been a significant contributor to military operations in Iraq and Afghanistan.

“On behalf of our countrymen, I express deep appreciation for your willingness to fight with us, to stand with us, and to be our friends in times of crisis and military conflict,” Romney said.

“Poland has excellent ties with the United States, regardless of which American party is in power,” Sikorski said. “We remember Ronald Reagan’s warm feelings for Poland’s Solidarity and also the fact that we joined (NATO) during Bill Clinton’s term.”

The two-day trip to Poland is aimed at Polish-American and Catholic voters in the United States and highlighted Romney’s stance toward Russia. He has labeled Russia as America’s “No. 1 geopolitical foe,” a characterization that’s not unwelcome in a country that still fears Russia. Poles generally have been skeptical of President Barack Obama’s “reset” with Russia, and Romney has cited Polish concerns in his criticism of Obama.

As a former Soviet Bloc nation that has been subjugated by bigger European powers throughout history, Poland remains particularly worried about Russian policy.

Romney received words of encouragement on his visit to Poland on Monday from Lech Walesa, a former union leader and ex-Polish president, who said: “I wish you to be successful because this success is needed for the United States of course, but for Europe and the rest of the world too. Governor Romney, get your success. Be successful.”

But Solidarity, the union led by Walesa in the 1980s that helped topple communism in Poland, distanced itself from Romney, who it said “supported attacks on trade unions and employees’ rights.”

Romney angers Palestinians Earlier, Romney was forced to fight off controversy after he called Jerusalem the Israeli capital and said later that differences in culture powered Israel’s economic success compared with the Palestinians.

Both comments angered Palestinian leaders, just days after Romney annoyed Britons during a stop in London by questioning their readiness to host the Olympic Games.

However, Romney’s comments on Sunday about Jerusalem prompted a strong response.

The Palestinians want to establish a capital in east Jerusalem, captured and annexed by Israel in 1967. Most of the world, including the United States, does not recognize the annexation. Every U.S. administration since Lyndon Johnson has decided to keep the American embassy in Tel Aviv.

But on Sunday, Romney said flat out that Jerusalem is Israel’s capital and strongly suggested he would move the U.S. Embassy to Jerusalem if he were president, supporting two key Israeli demands.

The fate of Jerusalem is one of the main sticking points in Israeli-Palestinian negotiations. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has said he will not give up any part of the city, taking a harder line than two of his predecessors who were ready to discuss partition.

Previous U.S. presidential candidates, including then-Sen. Obama in June 2008, have referred to Jerusalem as Israel’s capital ahead of elections, only to row back when taking power and suggest the issue should be resolved by negotiations.

Seeking American Jewish and fundamentalist Christian votes, Romney has criticized Obama on Israel, alleging last year that the president had “thrown Israel under a bus” in pushing hard for a two-state solution between Israel and the Palestinians.

In 2008, Obama won 78 percent of the Jewish vote, a lead into which Romney’s campaign would love to make inroads.

Romney points to ‘culture’ gap Romney pointed to the big difference in wealth between Israel and the Palestinians and suggested Israel’s culture was the reason for the gap.

“If you could learn anything from the economic history of the world, it’s this: culture makes all the difference,” he told a fundraising event in Jerusalem.

The chief Palestinian negotiator, Saeb Erekat said that Romney’s comments amounted to “a racist statement that shows a lack of knowledge.”

He added, “Everyone knows that the Palestinians cannot reach their full potential given the Israeli restrictions imposed on them.”

A senior aide to Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas, Nabil Abu Rdeineh, said Romney’s statements were unhelpful, stood in the way of a peace settlement and “contradict the previous positions held by the American administration.”

Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.), a chief Romney foreign policy surrogate, appeared to differ with Romney even as he tried to defend him.

“I am sure that Gov. Romney was not talking about difference in cultures, or difference in anybody superior or inferior,” McCain said Monday in Tampa, Fla. “What I’m sure Gov. Romney was talking was that the Israeli economy has grown and prospered in a dramatic fashion. And unfortunately, the Palestinians have not had that same economic development.”

McCain continued: “And that goes to the leadership of the Palestinians. … And we also know that the Palestinian people have not been blessed with the kind of government that has lower regulations, less taxes, entrepreneurship, which have caused the Israeli economy to be one of the world’s most successful. It has nothing to do with cultures. It has nothing to do with superiority or inferiority.”

NBC News staff, Reuters and The Associated Press contributed to this report.

14 Surprising Uses for Vodka

14 Surprising Uses for Vodka

  • Melissa Breyer

Something akin to what we now know as vodka first appeared in Poland in the 11th century. Called gorzalka, the vodka prototypes were used as medicines. By 1534, a treatise on herbs professed that vodka could serve “to increase fertility and awaken lust.” Hot diggity!

Although many still indulge in the “medicinal” benefits of a martini, vodka has a surprising array of alternative uses that can save money and be kinder to the planet than the harsh chemicals it can stand in for. And with so many uses, it makes sense to have one bottle of vodka rather than array of otherwise specific products.

So just what can the versatile vodka do around the house?

1. Febreze without the guilt
If you douse your clothes and home with Febreze to remove odor, you can do the same with vodka…but without the cyclodextrin, and without supporting a company that tests on animals. (I’m talking to you, Proctor & Gamble.) The alcohol in vodka kills bacteria which cause odor, and vodka is basically odorless, as far as booze goes. Spritz your clothes and hang them in a well-ventilated room. (As with any natural remedy, sp0t-test first.)

2. Keep cut flowers fresh
If you’re going to have fresh-cut flowers working hard to brighten up your decor, show some hospitality and give them a little drink. Several drops of vodka and a large pinch of sugar added to the water in your flower vase, changed daily, stunts ethylene production and will extend the vitality of bouquet.

3. Shoo flies, and other pests
I couldn’t harm a fly, or any other living thing. Except…if something is biting and sucking the blood from my children, mamma bear swoops in and goes medieval. DEET is persona non grata in my neck of the woods, and I wouldn’t own a can of Raid if you paid me. But a spray bottle of vodka? Sure. Use it to spray directly at the offenders, it can also be used on your skin as a repellant.

4. Calm the sting of sea creatures
The pain of jellyfish and ray stings is magically dissipated with meat tenderizers (the enzymes that work to break down meat’s proteins also break down the stinging agents in the venom). But if you find yourself at the beach with vodka instead of meat tenderizer (and who doesn’t?)–it can help alleviate the punch those stings can pack. Douse the area with vodka. (And…have a shot while you’re at it?)

5. Give your hair some life
Vodka can make people lush and bouncy, and can do the same for your hair. Add an ounce to your bottle of shampoo and use as you usually do. It helps to break down the oil build-up that can make your hair droll.

6. Remove laundry stains
Treat stubborn stains with a splash of vodka and some elbow grease, then launder as usual.

 

7. Make lavender ironing water
Forget about scented fabric softener for fragrance, be like a cool French granny and use lavender ironing water instead. Mix 3 ounces of 90-proof vodka and 12 drops of pure lavender essential oil and let sit for 24 hours. Then add 12 ounces of purified water and swirl together. Store in the refrigerator until it loses its scent, around 6 weeks.

8. Get rid of unloved plants
Also known as weeds (poor, misunderstood things)–if you’ve got them and don’t want them, vodka can kill them. Vodka attacks broad-leaf weeds, like dandelions, chickweed, by breaking down their protective coverings which leads to lethal dehydration. Fill a spray bottle with an ounce of vodka, a few drops of liquid dish soap, and two cups of water. Spray on weeds, in the sunlight, and wilt away they will.

9. Quash mold and mildew
Like vinegar, vodka can help combat stubborn mold and mildew stains in the bathroom. Spray it on stained caulk, let it sit for 30 minutes, and scrub with a brush.

10. Wash your mouth out
With homemade mouthwash: Boil 6 ounces of water and 2 ounces of vodka together. Add in 4 teaspoons of liquid glycerin and 1 teaspoon of aloe vera gel. Remove from heat and let cool. When cooled, add 10-15 drops of Spearmint oil and shake the entire mixture together well.

11. Make a tincture
You can make a tincture of botanicals and vodka to use topically for a number of ailments or conditions. Fill a jar with a handful of flowers/roots/leaves and top with vodka.

12. Ease a poison ivy rash
Urushiol oil, the pesky component of poison ivy and poison oak, leads most to an agonizing rash. Before the rash sets in, vodka can be poured directly on the skin where contact occurred to minimize the severity of what’s to come. Rubbing alcohol will work too.

13. Shine your shiny things
Who needs separate chrome-cleaner, glass-cleaner, and porcelain-cleaner when a trip to the liquor cabinet can tackle all three materials at once? Dampen a cloth with vodka, rub, back in the shine.

14. Unstick sticky stickers
I bet 9 out of 10 of you save glass jars and reuse them. How many of you cringe at the gummy label adhesive that clings to glass like a manic starfish? (Or is that just me?) Vodka to the rescue. Dab a scouring sponge with some vodka, scrub, rinse with some liquid dish soap, no more sticky ugh.