A Little Humor for Your Day – The ABC’s of Paganism

The ABC’s of Paganism

Altar To change, deform, or rearrange.
Black Magic Magic used by those with much pigmentation in their skin.
Centering In the case of public rituals, this practice in done to alter the alignment of text on flyers.
Circle A term used by techno-Pagans when refering to circle-dot mode, the storage of binary units using a code of plane figures with a bounding edge equidistant from a fixed point where some of these figures have dots, and some do not.
The Craft A movie made in 1996 by Sony Pictures which stars Robin Tunney.
Cove A small sheltered bay, creek, or inlet of the sea.
Coven Referring to or being cove-like.
Discord The appropriate musical notes to be played at dis time in the ritual.
Esbat Spanish for “it is a flying mammal.”
Flying Something which witches do. Recent surveys show that TWA is the most favored method, though some traditionalists stick with smaller single-engined airplanes.
Glossary A place where they add gloss to ceramics.
Grounding When all young children who have misbehaved during the ritual are sent to their rooms for the weekend.
Hain Sam Hain, founder of a successful company which makes underwear.
Handfasting During protests, this is done to ensure the difficulty of ones removal by use of handcuffs.
Incense When capable of reasonable judgement, when acting sensible.
Jack−o−lantern In the Pagan playing cards, it is the card of the suit of lights (traje de luces) higher than a ten but lower than a queen.
Karma An old Star Trek term from the original series which stands for Klingon and Romulan Military Alliance.
Lammas Animals of south America of the family Camelidae.
Magick An art made popular by David Copperfield and Harry Houdini.
Nine The most Pagans you can fit in a standard phone booth in Iowa City. (Trust me on this one)
Orgy The ending often used by technopagans at the end of their URL.
Pentagram A five sided cracker.
Quest What deities send you on when they are bored and have nothing better to do.
Rowan A term used on slave ships when the slaves have rested long enough and need to continue rowing.
Sabbat Of or relating to hydrogenated organic compounds. The term comes from the French chemist Paul Sabatier.
Skyclad A material similar to nickel-clad, though with ozone instead of nickel.
Spell A turn at work, a shift.
Talisman Opposite of Shortisman.
Underwear See Hain.
Virginity Sorry, no Pagan I’ve talked to seems to know what this is.
White Witch A Caucasian member of the Wiccan religion.
Witch Pronoun, what one or ones of several things pointed out. Used as a relative in a subordinate clause representing a noun or noun phrase in the principal sentence.
Xerox The easiest and quickest way to go from a monotheistic religion to a polytheistic one. Though it may cost you ten cents.
Yorkshire A place where they make a type of bread, perfect for rituals, though they call it pudding.
Zygurmist The one who devotes his or her life to studying, in order to make rituals more fun.

 

Find more great Pagan humor at Turok’s Cabana