The Wiccan Redact
Bide the Wiccan Laws we must,
So we don’t end up as newts, we trust.
Cast the Circle thrice about,
To keep Mormon missionaries out.
Let the spell be spake in rhyme,
To make it silly every time.
Soft of eye and light of touch,
Don’t speak with your mouth full, listen much.
Deosil go by the blue moon,
You saw me standing alone,
By the Witches’ Rune.
Widdershins go by harvest moon,
Up in the sky,
Cause I ain’t had no love’n since January February June or July.
By the light of the silvery moon,
I’d like to spoon,
To my honey I’ll croon,
Heed the North wind’s mighty gale,
for then’s the after Christmas sale.
When the wind comes from the South,
go on vacation for thy health.
When the wind blows from the Southwest,
hiding in the basement’s best.
When the wind blows from the East,
fart thou to the west.
Nine woods in the golf bag go,
Have your caddie carry slow.
Elder be the Lady’s tree,
Spray it down with DDT.
When the Wheel begins to turn,
Let leaves in the yard begin to burn.
When the Wheel has turned to Yule,
Light the furnace and burn some fuel
Heed ye flower, bush and tree,
For some might poison ivy be.
Where the rippling waters go,
portage round or leaks you’ll know.
When ye have a true need,
charge it not lest thy finances bleed.
With a fool no season spend,
Lest ye see yourself in him.
Merry meet and merry part,
Light in the loafers and gay the heart.
When misfortune is anew,
Make sure insurance premiums are not overdue.
Mind the Threefold Law you should,
Mercy is not known by earth water and wood.
Twelve words the Wiccan Redact fulfill:
And it harm none but thee and God, do what ye will.