Pagan Jokes & Bumper Stickers

Culled from newsgroups, AOL message boards, and Compuserve forums.

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Minds are like parachutes; they only function when open!

 

What’s the best thing about Pagan friends? They worship the ground you walk on…

 

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa!

 

“He is YOUR god, They are YOUR rules, YOU burn in Hell!”

 

What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid?

Someone who worships the tree that is not there.

 

What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid mathematician?

Someone who worships the square roots of the tree that is not there.

 

What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid veternarian?

Someone who worships the bark of the tree that is not there.

 

What do ya’ call 13 Witches in a hot tub?

Self-Cleaning Coven

 

Get a taste for religion, Lick a Witch!

 

The Goddess is alive and she ate my homework.

 

Please hold. All muses are busy right now, but your inspiration is important to us…

 

How many Gardnerians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Can’t say. It’s oathbound

 

How many Alexandrians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Same number as Gardnerians.

 

Q: What kind of furniture does a Goddess worshipper prefer?

A: Wicker

 

Q: Why did the Wiccan novitiate give up pork?

A: She thought the Rede said, “Chew what you will, but ham?–none.”

 

A high priest tells his coven member, “Hey, I heard a new fundie joke today.” The member replies, “Man, you’re always slamming fundies. Why don’t you tell us a Martian joke instead?” “OK, Two Martians are carrying their Bibles to church. The first Martian says, ‘At the revival last week, I led 15 new souls to accept Jesus Christ as their personal saviour’ and the other Martian says–” “Never mind,” says the member.

 

What’s the difference between New Age and Pagan?

About $500.00 a weekend.

 

The definition of “SAINT”: “A dead liberal who is worshipped by living conservatives.”

 

The bumper sticker ‘Dyslexics of the world Untie” — it works

 

How many Dianacs does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but that bulb has really got to want to change.

 

Please don’t squeeze the shaman!

 

When God Created Men She must have been Drunk and Horny!

 

How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb?

None — if a candle was good enough for Gramma it’s good enough for me!

 

Q: What is a witch’s favorite snack?

A: PAN pizza

 

Q: What’s a witch’s favorite subject in school?

A: SPELLing.

 

Source:
Pagan Library