I will make my message as brief as possible today. My soul is drained and my heart is very heavy. I started once to go back to our old group on September 11 and see what I had to say then. But I didn’t. No matter what I said then or say now words will not help those amongst us who are hurting today.
I have lost loved ones myself and no words spoken to me ever healed the hurt. And no words ever will. It is extremely hard to deal with when your loved one is suddenly took from you. It takes a very long time to adjust to the fact they are gone forever. Even as witches, we are not granted the power of knowing when someone’s or our own last day will be. I believe we are not meant to know.
When our time comes, we will be taken from this plane to the next. It leaves the ones we love behind to cry with the loss and the heartache. But really there should be no crying because our loved ones have gone home to be with our Great Mother, the Goddess.
There are times I stop to think about my mother and sister. I begin to cry. Then I imagine my crossing over the Rainbow bridge and in the distance I see two figures. These figures are running to me, they are my sister and mother. The tears of sorrow are now tears of joy. We hug, we kiss, we laugh, what a beautiful day it will be to see them again. Just think what a beautiful day it will be to see all of our relatives and loved ones that have gone before us.
Today let’s take those tears of sadness and loss and turn them to tears of joy. Take the loved ones that you have here with you, hug them so tight and tell them how much you love them. Tell them not only today but each day of the year. Let them know how special they are to us.
For we know not when our time will come but it will come….
Witches Of The Craft® 
Lady A,
Your words are so timely, it’s almost scary. Last Friday night, I lost Khairon, my wife of 50 years, who passed away through problems caused by the insidious disease, diabetes.
What happened was that over last weekend (seven days ago) she progressively got instances of being short of breath, similar to an asthma attack, particularly when she lay down. She also complained of pain in her lower abdomen. So we went to visit our GP, thinking she had some sort of a respiratory tract infection. Our doctor took about two minutes to decide to refer Khairon to the Emergency Department at the Ipswich General Hospital (Ipswich, Queensland, Australia).
After hours of tests in the Emergency Department, the doctors advised, in their words, that Khairon had had a ‘serious heart attack at some point during the weekend’. My question was naturally, why didn’t she suffer any chest pain? The doctors told me that it was quite common for serious diabetics to have heart attacks without any accompanying pain. Khairon has had diabetes for 30 years; it’s a predominantly hereditary strain because almost all her brothers and sisters have it too. She is a really sensible eater, no alcohol, so it’s got nothing to do with lifestyle. She takes two insulin injections each day.
Anyway, the Emergency room doctors transferred Khairon to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) where she was put through another barrage of tests with more senior doctors. In the ICU, the doctors can take a bit more time as they not rushed like in the Emergency Room. The ICU doctors came to the conclusion that her shortage of breath was caused by her heart weakening from the diabetes and this probably caused the heart attack. The heart therefore wasn’t pumping enough blood to the lungs. Consequently, there was a serious fluid buildup in the lungs which triggered her breathing problem when she laid down.
On top of this, her kidneys were also in trouble from the diabetes and the reduced heart blood flow and were in imminent danger of failing. So at that point, that was when the ICU doctors told me the next twelve hours were critical and it was touch and go from their point of view as to whether she would make it. The ICU doctors also upgraded her heart attack. They classified it as a ‘massive heart attack’. The doctors put Khairon on a breathing machine, which they said was the best thing to do. The machine would force oxygenated air into her lungs and that would force the fluids back into the body where they belonged.
At that point, one feels pretty helpless, even though you know the doctors and nurses will do everything possible that they can. At this point, it’s just really a waiting game. I rang my son in Brisbane, who came down straight away to the hospital; I rang my son in Adelaide and the one in Brazil. I rang my brother in Lithgow and Khairon’s two closest brothers in Malaysia and some close friends.
Khairon had a restless first night in the ICU, but did get some sleep. By the morning, her colour had returned although she naturally felt like she’d been put through a wringer (which she had been). About midday, they took her off the breathing machine to see how her body would react. The doctors also worked out that the lower abdomen pain was an infection in the bladder, an unrelated medical problem. So they pumped antibiotics into her to fix that. After a couple of hours, the doctors reinstated the breathing machine as the fluids again began building up. This was the ICU medical regime up until this afternoon, the fourth day in the ICU. I had stayed with Khairon in the ICU the whole time.
Khairon passed away about 10.15 pm, Friday evening, quite peacefully. The ICU doctors monitoring Khairon’s life signs called Rohan & myself to a discussion about 2 o’clock in the afternoon to tell us that she was slowly deteriorating and it was fast approaching the time when nothing more could be done for her. Because her heart was damaged in the heart attack, she could not get enough blood to the lungs, thus causing the fluid buildup. The fluid was building up faster than the breathing machine could disperse it. Her kidneys were failing, again because the heart could pump her blood properly.
After considering the options, we agreed that the machines should be turned off, so that Khairon could talk to people and she would be sedated with a morphine infusion so she did not feel any pain. This was done about 6 pm. she was able to speak with a few of her close brothers and cousins in Malaysia. Eventually, she went to sleep and slowly passed away. It was a good end to a bad end if you know what I mean.
Yesterday all the grand-daughters visited for quite a few hours, and she was able to talk with them, so that cheered her up a lot.
I had a bit of a weep tonight and am grateful that my son Rohan was with me. He handled me very diplomatically. I’m home now fielding lots of phone calls and messages. I’ve been in contact with relatives of our generation, but I’m now getting inundated with messages from all Khairon’s nieces and nephews. Khairon was a much loved Auntie.
I hope you don’t mind me writing like this, but it’s a bit therapeutic for me in the circumstances.
And I think the message that diabetics don’t get any warnings that they are about to have a heart attack needs to be publicised more. This apparently little known fact caused us to wait three days from the first breathing difficulty, when the heart attack must have occurred, before visiting the doctor. Had we known, things may well have turned out differently.
I’m sure the Goddess has her in care. Thank you, Lady A and Mystie for providing the opportunity for people like me to have a say about things like this, which are often difficult or sensitive to discuss objectively.
Graham
email: chiron@chiron.itsonline.com.au
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Oh, my dear brother Graham, my heart truly breaks for you. Where do I start, what do I say? That is the difficult part to ease the pain you are in. You have heard me say a thousand times, the old quote, “it gets better with time” and you know how I feel about that. The pain lessens but there will always be that hole in your heart. I want you to promise me one thing and I mean this, when you need someone to talk too, talk, when you feel like crying, cry. I watched my own father after my mother passed. He turned into a totally different person. He turned into an alcoholic. After I have aged some, I believe he thought at the bottom of each bottle he could drown the pain away. My mother and him had been married for almost 38 years. I know you are going through a very difficult time. But please, don’t turn into someone like my father. You have an excellent support system right here. Take full advantage of it. Mystie or myself will be more than happy to help you in anyway we can. I know there are others here that would be willing also.
Right now, you have your family and friends with you as it should be. The children, family and friends will all leave and go back to their lives. Then Graham comes the hardest day of your life. The day you go home and open the door to an empty house. The reality hits you so hard it nearly knocks you down. Even to this day, I can remember that for me. But you have to be strong Graham. If you need to talk, please talk to me. Don’t ever keep anything bottled up no matter how small you might think it might be. Khairon has left her physical body but she is still with you. You will come to smell funny little scents, like that of her favorite perfume. When you smell that, she is with you. Our loved ones move on Graham but they do not intend for us to mourn forever. Khairon will always be with you. Whether you can see her or not, she is there. She is also with our Great Mother. Just think of the joy she must be experiencing right now.
It is extremely hard to let go of the ones we love. We wonder why us? But the answer never comes. I am going to borrow something from another religion because I think it is very true. The angels do not cry for the ones that have passed, they cry for the ones left on this plane. We will all eventually meet again. Until that time, grieve for Khairon and try to live the life she would want you to have. If you need anything at all, please let me know. Even if it is just to talk. After all your friends and family have gone back home, you will need someone to talk to, let that person be me.
Graham, I am so very sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. May the Goddess wrap her loving arms around you and help you throw this difficult time.
My deepest sympathy,
Lady Abyss
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Lady A,
Many thanks for your kind thoughts. They are a comfort to me. Here’s a couple of photos of Khairon on my son Raphael’s FB page: https://www.facebook.com/raphael.segal?hc_location=timeline
I am relatively new to Wicca, but somehow I think I have always been Wiccan. I seem to get frustrated with the strictures of today’s organised religions.
My No. 2 son lives quite near me. He is level headed and is actually making sure that I follow your advice, even tho’ he hasn’t read it. I have four sons, but they are scattered across the world in different jobs.
I would like to keep in touch with you for somewhat selfish reasons. First as a friend, but also as mentor or teacher.
sincerely,
Graham
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I can never tell you how sorry I am about your wife. I am glad that you have your sons close to you. Stay close to them no matter what. You will be amazed at the strength they will give you in the upcoming days. I do not mind you staying in touch with me at all. You can talk to me about anything and I will be glad to answer any of your questions. Like I said you have a good support system around you. Please use it. No matter how trivial it might be, use us. I have seen many passing’s in my lifetime. I can lend a shoulder if you ever need it. You already have my email address. It is the same one Mystie gave you. The only difference is I answer my email. (thewotcstrustfund@yahoo.com)
Please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing. May the Goddess Bless You, dear Graham.
Again, I am very sorry for the loss of your wife.
With deepest sympathy,
Lady A
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Dear Lady A,
Your concern for me and your kind words are treasured. I woulds like to keep in touch as I have much to learn. My sons (who are aged between 42 and 48) have watched carefully over me to make sure that I don’t fall into despondency. They have encouraged me to return to my consultancy work as a form of distractive therapy, so I am easing my way back in. They are great sons, very practical in their outlook on life. They were both surprised and appreciative of the fact that you wrote personally to me at this unhappy time.
I hope you are getting on top of the medical problems that have plagued you over the recent past. Whenever Mystie draws attention to these difficulties you face, I must confess that my heart misses a beat.
Thank you for your friendship,
Graham
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