the daily humorscope
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You will spend most of the day attempting to tie knots in a piece of cord, using only your toes. You will be unable to say why, but this will seem like a useful skill to you, at the time.
If you want someone to change, it’s often good to give them a painful option and a less painful option, and let them choose their own course. For example, “Do you want to pick up you own wet towel, dear, or would you like to have a live weasel stapled to your leg?”
Oh go ahead. You know you want to. Besides, nobody is watching.
Watch out for vines, today. Sometime’s it’s hard to tell the difference between a vine and a creeper, until it’s too late.
Excellent day to study entomology — particularly the order hymenoptera. Be prepared to leap about, howling and whacking your trouser legs.
Between now and the vernal equinox, trust anyone with freckles. After that, trust no one.
Remember that silly song The Monster Mash? Beginning today, you will start sounding a lot like the lead singer in that song.
You will decide to change your life by taking up fishing. Unlike the average person, however, you will be “strictly bass”. One must have standards, after all.
Excellent day to fill some pantyhose with popcorn and do the reindeer dance.
You will find a biography of some famous dead person, at a garage sale, and buy it on a whim. It will change your life. You will also soon take up bricklaying, as a hobby.
People will begin complimenting you on how clean you are. You will find this strangely irritating.
Good time to learn to play the harmonica. If you get one of those coat hanger thingies to hang around your neck, you can even play it while you’re typing!
Witches Of The Craft® 