the daily humorscopes for wednesday, november 30

the daily humorscope 

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

 
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
If a wolf is chasing your sleigh, throw him a raisin cookie. That, of course, is a metaphor for what will really happen.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Today you will discover a troupe of gypsies hiding in your bathroom. They will leave when you ask them to, but you should expect a fair amount of grumbling.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Time to do something about that high blood pressure. Have you tried leeches?
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Good day to doodle.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Nothing unusual today. Unless you count that episode with the iguana…
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Remember: Unexpressed feelings don’t die. They are buried alive and emerge later as Border Collies. So don’t hold anything back! Tell everyone what you REALLY think of them! You may lose your job, family and friends, but you won’t have a crazed, hyperactive animal hounding your every step.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
A large cement dragon will appear to be following you, although you’ll never actually see it move. Don’t you just hate that?
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
You will discover that you’ve always had the power to go home, simply by tapping the heels of your bunny slippers together. Unfortunately, as you will also soon discover, it’s not your home.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
You will become unwittingly embroiled in a turf war between rival Chinese restaurants, today, as you step off the sidewalk to avoid a person wearing an extremely large hat. Before the day is over, you’ll find yourself angrily hurling pot stickers at people you’ve never met.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
Good day to curl up with a good book. Later, you will build a fort out of your furniture and some sheets, and shoot rubber bands at people.
Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
You’ve just finished something, but you’re starting to wonder if it would be better if you tried it another way. Forget it — that way, madness lies.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Following up on your accidental observation of the “sock dimension” (remember that sock you saw re-materializing a while back?), you will invent a machine to let you cross over the dimensional barrier. Sadly, you’ll be one dimension off, and will pop into the lost pen & pencil dimension, where you will be severely poked.