Month: April 2011

New Moon Report for 4/1 – Mars in Aries

Mars in Aries

Friday, April 1, 9:51 pm PDT, Saturday, April 2, 12:51 am EDT

Mars racing into its fiery home sign is another boost in this season of starting over. It joins the Sun, Jupiter and Uranus in Aries, making a quartet of race horses that can run over obstacles and people without looking back. Normally, this transit increases physical energy and spurs enterprising efforts. However, Mercury’s retrograde period in Aries is a reminder that even the fastest runners, brightest thinkers and bravest warriors benefit from a moment’s reflection every now and then.

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the daily humorscopes for 4/1

Friday, April 01, 2011

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
A hexapod robot will run away from its laboratory today, change its name to “Bob”, and take up residence with you. Eventually, you’ll become best friends.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You will hear a mysterious “whapping” sound as you are passing by a church today. Curiosity will get the better of you, and you will peek inside. To your relief you will discover it’s only the nuns, playing a quick game of dodge-ball.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
A hive of naked mole rats will move in with you today. You will find that they are relatively tidy creatures, but that it’s a trifle difficult to explain their presence to your friends.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
You’ll find more, and very “interesting”, uses for cocktail umbrellas today.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
You will find a biography of some famous dead person, at a garage sale, and buy it on a whim. It will change your life. You will also soon take up bricklaying, as a hobby.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
A friend will ask you to give her a ride to Main street. You’ll forget where you’re going, though, and drive her to Distraction.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Ian McHarg once said, “Man is a blind, witless, anthropocentric clod who inflicts lesions upon the earth.” You will come up with a brilliant rebuttal to this, soon. You will say: “So?”
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
You will get a notion to become a street food-vendor, and will make yourself a food serving cart for the “Bulghur Baron”. You will sell pint containers of hot bulghur wheat, cooked with sauteed onions, garlic, and other vegetables. To everyone’s amazement, you’ll succeed fabulously, eventually making millions off the franchise rights alone.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Good day to put strange labels on your binders and file cabinets, such as “launch codes”, “who’s been naughty”, or “Snerge”. This will be quite effective in distracting visitors, so they will often forget what ever they were preparing to bother you about.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
Today you will find yourself boldly charging through life. That can actually get you in trouble, though, so you should really attempt to pay with cash.
Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
You will finally get the television exposure you’ve been wanting, by organizing a group of protesters to block the entrance to a physics lab, holding crudely-lettered signs saying “Down With Gravity!”.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Good day to get a potted plant for your office, which you should name “Throckmorton”. (The plant, not the office. Obviously, “Throckmorton” is a completely inappropriate name for an office. “Wiggins” is a good name for your office, if it doesn’t already have a name.)

 

TURQUOISE PROTECTION AMULET

TURQUOISE PROTECTION AMULET
 
 
The ancients regarded turquoise as a powerful magickal aid to ward off misfortune, illness,
and the evil eye. You can use turquoise to make your own amulet for protection.
To begin, during the waxing Moon take a piece of blue turquoise or an item of blue
turquoise jewelry and hold it in your hand for a moment. In your mind’s eye, picture a
blue light surrounding you. Hold the stone to your heart, and breathe on it to charge it
with your power, saying:
Stone of blue, surround me with protective energy.
I am protected by your soothing blue light.
Carry your turquoise with you or wear it as often as you can.
Handle it frequently to keep the spell active.

Over The Door Charm

Over The Door Charm
 
Many years ago, I ran across this anonymous poem and hung it over my front door as a theft deterrent. Since that time, nothing has ever left my house unless I gave it away willingly.
 
What comes to me I keep
Who goes from me I free
Yet against all I stand
Who carry not my key.

PROTECTION CHARM

PROTECTION CHARM


Tools: One red candle + one white candle
A small piece of white paper Oil Ink pen Red Ribbon
Set the white candle alight on the left to represent the Goddess and a red candle to the right to
represent the God. Place the materials for the spell between the two candles.
Using the oil, with your right index finger, draw a pentacle (star inside a circle) in the
middle of the white paper, while saying,
“With the seal of this pentagram I request that this charm be used for protection.”
Using a pen, in the center of the oil-drawn pentagram, draw your own special symbol for protection.
Say,
“With this rune, I request that this charm be used for protection.”
When you are ready, roll the paper up with the red ribbon tightly lengthwise.
Hold the charm over the red candle and say,
I consecrate myself in fire
so that I can defend myself
and protect myself with the power I have.
Continue doing this with the smoke of the white candle, but consecrate it in the name of air.
Hold the charm with both hands. Concentrate on the charm’s task.
Then seal the left end of the charm with white wax, the right with red wax.
The charm is now complete.

Charm to Avoid Receiving Unjust Traffic Citations

Charm to Avoid Receiving Unjust Traffic Citations
 
Keep a combination of tiger-eye, hematite, and quartz crystal in the glove box or, if you don’t smoke, in the ashtray. The tiger-eye helps with “true sight” –a terrific aid for those who experience night blindness or difficult with windshield glare. Hematite has a grounding force and dispels negativity. Clear quartz aplifies the effects of the other two stones. Before you place the stones in the vehicle, hold them in your dominant hand and chant:
 
Stones dispel unjust citations!
Deliver me safely to my destination.
 
This charm does not have the capacity to keep you from getting traffic citations that you deserve, such as tickets for speeding or running stop signs. If only protects you from the “ridiculous” tickets that police officers sometimes issue in order to meet their quota.

Stone Charm for Physical Energy

Stone Charm for Physical Energy
 
Take a piece of sunstone to an eastern windowsill at sunrise. (Alternatively, place the stone outside in the East where it can absorb the rays of the morning Sun.) Offer the stone to the Sun and chant:
Flaming Orb of rising power
Add vital energy hour by hour
To this stone with flecks of gold
Give it Your Power, great and bold,
And when the light of day is through
And with Your Zest this stone is imbued,
It shall come back home to me
To impart Your Zestful energy.
 
Leave the stone to absorb the energy of the rising Sun, but don’t retrieve it until after sundown. (This give the energy time to “settle” in the stone.) Carry it with you.