Spells Guaranteed to Work
Ancient Spell to Kill a Beast
Get a spear. Aim the spear. Throw the spear. Repeat until the beast is dead.Spell to Make Money
Put on some tight attractive clothing. Go to a busy street corner. Dance as well as you can for passing cars and pedestrians.Spell to Get Measles
Find someone who has measles. Lick them.Spell to Turn Day Into Night
Stand facing a large tree or wall. Close eyes tightly. Keeping eyes closed, run straight ahead as fast as you can.
Spell to Turn Night Into Day
Lay down when it is nighttime. Close your eyes. Wait 8 hours. Open your eyes.
Spell to Breathe Under-Water
Attach concrete block to your feet. Jump into water. Breathe normally and sing the tune to “Flipper”. Takes about 5 minutes for lungs to adjust.Spell to Commune With Pink Elephants
Pour glass of vodka or alcoholic drink of choice. Drink. Repeat steps 1-2.
Spell to Attract Lightning
Cover yourself in metal: jewelry, chains, golf clubs, nails, nuts & bolts, hubcaps, etc. Go out into a thunderstorm and hold a long TV antenna high in the air. Wait.Spell to Stop a Runny Nose
Get two cotton balls. Shove one up each nostril. Tape them there.Spell to Make a Person Fall In Love With You
Call person at least thirty times a day. Park outside their house and shut your headlights off. Leave sweet tokens on doorstep (i.e., roses without petals, a nice headless Barbie doll, etc.). Follow them everywhere they go… careful, they’ll try to lose you! Don’t worry if they get that silly restraining order, that means the spell is working!Spell to Make a Person Fall Out of Love With You
Forget getting a restraining order. Get a gun or other weapon of choice. Wound or maim person with weapon. Throw person in an area with lots of wild carnivores Wait.
Spell to Make Your Computer Fast
Open a window. Defenestrate the computer. If the computer hits the ground really fast, the spell worked.
Alternate Spell to Make Your Computer Fast
Turn on your computer Deny it food.
Spell to Save on Gas
Cut holes in floorboards of car. Remove shoes. While still seated, pedal feet really, really fast. Scream “Yabba Dabba Do!” (Optional) Invite passengers to join in the fun!
Spell to Go to the Bathroom
Drink so much water that you think you will burst. Drink another glass anyway. Wait ten minutes, then guzzle a can of soda. Repeat step 3 as often as desired to increase the spell’s effect.
Alternate Spell to Go to the Bathroom
Eat a bushel of prunes. Take a dose of ExLax. Wait.
Spell to Make Something Disappear
Open a window Grab the object you want to make disappear. Defenestrate the object. Close the window.Spell to Make Yourself Fly
Open a window Defenestrate yourself. Flap your arms vigorously and repeatedly say “I’m flying!” If you don’t hit the ground, the spell worked.
Spell to Get a New Car
Get off the computer. Go to a car dealership. Chose a care. Take a test drive. Repeat until a satisfactory choice is made. Make arrangements to trade in your old car for the new one chosen. Drive home and wait. When the new car arrives, go back to the dealer. Drive home.Spell to Go Through A Wall
Get a sledgehammer. Hit a wall continuously until a large enough hole appears. Go through the hole.
Spell to Change Your Eye Color
Visit ophthalmologist. Get prescription for contact lenses. Fill prescription with colored contact lenses. Put in colored contact lenses.
Witches Of The Craft® 