Star Trek Guide to Neo-Paganism

Gene Roddenberry went to his grave, telling stories that, although they supposedly happened light years away, were relevant to our every day lives. From the beginning, he claimed that the characters and races on Star Trek were parallels for people here on Earth. Little did anyone know that the characters were actually taking on traits of Neo-Pagan sects across the country! Was Gene Pagan? Who knows, but sit back and enjoy this little trip, where no Pagan has gone before…

Wiccans – The United Federation of Planets

The Federation means well. They let just about everybody into their little social club, so long as they agree to play nice. They don’t talk about rules much, but keep referring to one Prime Directive that all other laws are based on. That said, they frequently violate that rule when the need suits them. Often heard speaking in various UK accents, even though they’re not from the islands (Et tu, Jean-Luc?)

Asatruar – Klingons

Obsessed with honor and combat. Have no qualms with eating meat and eat it with obvious relish. Insist they did everything first (“But Hamlet is so much better in the original Klingon.”) And who wants Klingon opera, when you can have Wagner’s Die Neibelung?

Ceremonialists – Vulcans

Have you ever heard someone say, “Excuse, I was reading this and wanted to tell you: “anal retentive” has a hyphen in it.”? Everything is very orderly in their universe. No room for untidy things like emotions and the like.

Druids – Bajorans (with special guests: the Tuatha de Dannan as The Prophets)

You cannot separate the Bajorans from their faith. Religion permeates the very air they breathe. Although this should be a unifying force on their devastated environment, they are constantly fighting with one another. Like many other races, they are subject to charismatic leaders.

New Agers – Betazoids

Profoundly psychic when you don’t want them to be; dense as a rock (crystal) when you actually need some help. Spend an awful lot of time talking about “vibes” and are perpetually concerned with how others feel. If they weren’t so damn cute, you’d just want to smack them. You only see the women of this race.

Numerologists/Kabbalahists – Binars

Numbers are everything, don’t you know. Can loudly pronounce a given number (93!) and have people laugh at it like it was a punch line.  Draws all sorts of really interesting links between things based on the numerological significance. Socially uncouth. The only difference between the Binars and numerologists is that Binars have mates that understand them.

Setians/Satanists – The Skin of Evil (the oil slick that killed Tasha Yar)

A long time ago, a race decided to sluff off all their evil, mean and nasty emotions. They physically excreted these emotions into a big pile of black ooze. The race bailed off the planet, leaving the ooze which, over time, became sentient… sort of, and delights in causing fear and pain in others.

Dianics – The Women of Angel 1

Imagine a planet where women are in charge! It is a wonderful, peaceful place. Everyone gets along all the time and no one ever goes hungry. Yeah, right. Behind the facade of perfect love and perfect trust and gyno-unity, there is an iron fist in that velvet glove.  And, surprise, surprise, the gynarchy is subject to the same power struggles and in-fighting that the rest of us are.

KayOs MagicKians – The Children of Tama (Damok & Jilad on the ocean)

I know I’m speaking English, and I know that they are speaking English. However, sometimes, you just can’t seem to understand what these souls are trying to tell you. Although they have something valid and wonderful to share with the Federation, what they have to say is mired in a language that excludes more than it includes. Fnord.

Llewellyn Publications – the Borg

Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated. Your history and beliefs will become part of the Borg Collective, where they will be watered down and spread out evenly between everyone in our race. Lower your shields and hand over your money; resistance is futile.