Tag: Darth Vader

A Little Humor for Your Day – How Not To Get Invited Back To A Circle

How Not To Get Invited Back To A Circle

1.   Take the ritual sword from the altar and make sounds like Darth Vader — “Luke, I am your father!” — and start making light saber noises.

2.   Start skat-singing when chanting.

3.   Take the ritual athame from the altar and start cleaning your nails with it.

4.   When taking a sip of the ritual wine, act like a wine snob and comment on it.

5.   When doing the spiral dance, make it a Conga line.

6.   Call down the Goddess with “Get your ass down here, Big Momma!”

7.   Call down the God with “Our father, who art in heaven …”

8.   When chanting the names of the Goddess, randomly include Pokemon names.

9.   When being smudged, complain vehemently about second-hand smoke.

10.  In a drumming circle, laugh insanely and start drumming the beat to Wipe Out!

11.  Ask the people in the circle “When are we all gonna git nekked?”

12.  When in a skyclad circle, randomly point and laugh.

13.  When the ritual wine goblet is passed to you, chug it and ask for more.

14.  Invoke Satan.

15.  Take out a Bible and start evangelizing.

16.  Light-up a cigar.

17.  Bring a cute furry creature and offer it as a blood sacrifice.

18.  Talk a lot about casting spells for revenge against people who have offended you.

19.  At a handfasting say “Thank God! Maybe now i’ll get some grandchildren!”

20.  When in circle, answer your cell phone.

21.  Respond to “So Mote it Be!” with “Amen!”

22.  Invite people to “Come to the dark side.”

23.  Bring you kids and ask the group to invoke the baby sitting Goddess.

Turok’s Cabana

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Laugh-A-Day for 10/25: How Not To Get Invited Back To A Circle

How Not To Get Invited Back To A Circle

  1. Take the ritual sword from the altar and make sounds like Darth Vader — “Luke, I am your father!” — and start making light saber noises.
  2. Start skat-singing when chanting.
  3. Take the ritual athame from the altar and start cleaning your nails with it.
  4. When taking a sip of the ritual wine, act like a wine snob and comment on it.
  5. When doing the spiral dance, make it a Conga line.
  6. Call down the Goddess with “Get your ass down here, Big Momma!”
  7. Call down the God with “Our father, who art in heaven …”
  8. When chanting the names of the Goddess, randomly include Pokemon names.
  9. When being smudged, complain vehemently about second-hand smoke.
  10. In a drumming circle, laugh insanely and start drumming the beat to Wipe Out!
  11. Ask the people in the circle “When are we all gonna git nekked?”
  12. When in a skyclad circle, randomly point and laugh.
  13. When the ritual wine goblet is passed to you, chug it and ask for more.
  14. Invoke Satan.
  15. Take out a Bible and start evangelizing.
  16. Light-up a cigar.
  17. Bring a cute furry creature and offer it as a blood sacrifice.
  18. Talk a lot about casting spells for revenge against people who have offended you.
  19. At a handfasting say “Thank God! Maybe now i’ll get some grandchildren!”
  20. When in circle, answer your cell phone.
  21. Respond to “So Mote it Be!” with “Amen!”
  22. Invite people to “Come to the dark side.”
  23. Bring you kids and ask the group to invoke the baby sitting Goddess.

     

— concept by Azriel LittleHawk, with edits and ammendments by Turok and contributors

 

Turok Cabana

White and Black Magick

Magick is either positive or negative, depending on the intention of the Practitioner. Positive, white magick, brings beneficial things into your life. For example, making a talisman can bring you good luck. Negative, black magick, is used to harm people and cause negative events. Black witches use energies associated with the dark side. These negative energies aid dark, evil witches in their black magick, harmful works that are intended to bring bad luck and cause harm to the recipient.

Each of us enter The Craft do so of our own free-will and are given the choice: to go with the light or to go with the dark side. The choice is ultimately yours, but be warned, if you chose the dark side, it will eventually destroy you.

Choosing the dark side is similar to joining the mafia. Once you’re in, you’re a member for life. The initial appeal of the Dark Arts is the immediate sensation of power, but in the long-term, negativity eats at you much like it ate at Darth Vader in “Star Wars,” until he became so disfigured that he became a monster and no longer resembled a human being.

Those who subscribe to dark ways gave in to a dark polarity that at one time or another rears its ugly head in all of us. Those who adhere to positive magick represent the bright polarity, the polarity that balances the darkness and brings order to the chaos.

The light always overcomes the dark. The dawn always rises. If the darkness was more powerful and had the upper hand, then Adolph Hitler would have, without question, won World War II. But he didn’t. Those who practice the Dark Arts will find themselves on the losing end of things. A dark witch’s lack of success is due to negative energy’s preponderance to feed upon itself.

In the short run, practicing the Dark Arts will make you mean and vindictive because you have to build up a certain amount of negative energy to do black magick. This brings you some instant gratification, but in the long run you end up like Faust and darkness comes looking for your soul, at which point, you have no way out. When you turn to the darkness, you cannot turn back.