Lighten Up – The Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Casserole

The Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Casserole

 

To prepare for this ritual, clear a space for the circle in the center of the kitchen. Then don your ceremonial apron and hold your ceremonial spatula in your right hand. Stand in the center of the circle and face east. You are ready to begin:

  1. With your spatula, draw a banishing pentagram to the East. Then, thrust your spatula through the pentagram and say, “Microwave dinners, be gone!
  2. Move to the South. Again, draw a banishing pentagram and thrust your spatula through it. “TV dinners, be gone!
  3. Move to the West. Draw the banishing pentagram and thrust your spatula through it. “Ramen instant noodles, be gone!
  4. Move to the north. Draw the banishing pentagram and thrust your spatula through it, “Mystery meat in a can, be gone!
  5. Move to the center of the circle and stand still. Chant the following: Before me, Martha Stewart. Behind me, Betty Crocker. To my right side, Julia Child. To my left side, Martha Stewart, AGAIN!
  6. Visualize yourself standing in a giant casserole and proclaim, “For about me bakes the casserole, and around me shines the 6-course meal.
  7. Clap your hands three times and say, “It’s a good thing.

The rite is over.

If the ritual is not effective, please order take-out ASAP.

Special Kitty of the Day for February 22nd

Betty, the Cat of the Day
Name: Betty
Age: Ten years old
Gender: Female
Kind: Cat
Home: Los Angeles, California, USA
Iwould like to introduce my cat, “Betty Crocker, Sweet Talker.” There is no one like Betty, a.k.a. Teeny Weeny Tortellini Butterbeany Weeny Teen! From the minute I got her ten years ago as a tiny foundling at four weeks of age, she has had a personality like no other cat I have ever known. Curiosity is her middle name … there’s no place she won’t explore, no cat tree too high, no door too closed to want to see what is at the other side of it – and no bowl she won’t plop herself into to gaze up lovingly at her Mom.

She is a true scamp who keeps all the other cats young. She is fearless – running to the door to greet whomever is knocking, caroming onto their shoulder for a pat, then flying up the stairs to race around like a maniac, before settling in for a good tussle with poor, beleaguered Peach who tolerates her with his paternal good nature. After a few minutes of that, they both settle down in each other’s arms for a much-needed nap:).

Betty has a million different ways to alert us to her presence: either crawling onto the bed to curl up on one of her sleeping siblings, leaping onto my back as I lean into the refrigerator, or sprawling like a boneless chicken on the back of the couch. Her favorite part of the day is when I put on my face cream in the morning — up leaps Betty onto the dresser to lick my face clean… I look like an old bat, but Betty looks as youthful as the day she was born! LOL! Her other favorite pastime is shrimp… on those special occasions when I decide to treat the family to seafood, Betty is the first one at the food bowls when she hears me call “Shrimp, shrimp…who wants shrimp?”.

She has enriched all of our lives with her incredible personality, there is no one who doesn’t love and adore Betty. I was blessed the day I found her, and she gives me and the family ineffable joy. What a treasure is our Betty, she is one in a billion!