Just My Thoughts…….

As you can imagine, I have been kind of down in the dumps for the last few days. It was late last night and I couldn’t sleep. I got to thinking back when the WOTC was first formed. The WOTC was my baby from the very start. I created her and I had others that helped with publishing information. I was so proud of the WOTC and I always protected her no matter what. As she started to grow, it was like watching your very own child grow. From those very first baby steps to a full grown teenager. And as you can imagine, just like a teenagers the WOTC was plagued with problems. We made our share of enemies along the way. Those who had always ruled the roost and now here comes this new kid and she is walking all over them. We weren’t doing anything wrong except telling the truth about the Craft and actually giving the people what they wanted. We eventually won all those fights and ended up being the number one “Other Spirituality” group on MSN for years. In fact, we were number 1 until MSN closed with over 2000 members. We had really grown from 10 dedicated members to over 2000. We were still growing when MSN pulled the rug from out of our feet and closed down.

With MSN closing, that left all the groups scattered to the winds. We tried to built a home on Yuku but that didn’t work out. I guess I got upset because we were pouring our blood and sweat into this site and nothing worked. I know one Sunday morning, I got to looking around. I saw individuals who were suppose to be Asst. Managers on that site in other sites. Laughing, carrying on, having a grand old time. Oh, don’t get me wrong, they would come and make an occasional post but that was about it. I got to thinking if they don’t give a damn, why should I? So that Sunday morning without a word to anyone I closed that site down.

I was off the internet for a few months. I think that was probably the lowest point in my life. I missed the internet and most of all I missed my friends. I just couldn’t bring myself to even turn the computer on. I had lost my baby. I figured I was a total failure. I guess the Goddess got tired of me dragging my ass and She gave me one hell of a Cosmic slap. Ever been Cosmic slapped, take my word for it you don’t want to get slapped. She re-lit the fire that was once in me. She gave me the strength to pull my life back together and actually think straight. She also pointed me in the direction of WordPress. I didn’t know a thing about blogging, I know for sure it was the Goddess guiding me through it. The way the site took off, I knew the Goddess had a hand in it. It was something to see.

Last night, I was thinking about all that. Now we have a few days before it will over again. I feel like I have failed in my mission and my commitment to the Goddess. I have tried everything I know to do. Nothing has worked. I even went as far as applying for loans on-line. All that got me was my account frozen because I actually hit a fraudulent site (just my luck). Thank the Goddess, I caught it in time, no major damage was done but I ended up with a frozen account for a while. I even asked someone on here to give us a loan, which we would pay back. We had no luck on that either. But let’s make it clear, if someone would give us a loan, I will swear in blood to pay it back.

Back to my depression though, we are now looking at seven days. To think it took all this time to build the WOTC up to what it is and then in 7 days it will all be gone. It breaks my heart, I know what all we have done to make this group successful. Now all our efforts will die in vain. Personally, I have done this for twelve years, I wonder what my life will be like. I will probably be lost for a while. I know I will miss all of you and I hope you will miss me. I cannot begin to imagine actually hitting the delete button on this site or the others. That is very painful even to think about. You start something, watch it grow and in the end it is over with a simple push of the button. Doesn’t seem fair.

I have never been good at saying goodbye especially to people I care about. So I figure it is just simpler next week to push the button and walk away. Of course there will be tears shed probably for a few days. Hell, I am crying right now even thinking about it. I can say I have met some very nice people and we have become friends. I have experienced things I would imagine no one else ever has. I can honestly say I don’t regret anything until now. Now I regret losing the WOTC. The WOTC is a family, we always have been. It hurts more than anything to think I will lose all of you. But I am much the better for meeting you. I hope you can say the same about me.

We have a few days left. I know I said earlier that we would carry on as usual but I found that extremely difficult today. What little time we have left, let’s make the best of it. I do want you to remember one thing, I have always loved you and always will. You have all become very dear to me and will be in my heart forever. I love you.

Lady Of The Abyss