From Bars to Blessed: A New Beginning
Author: ADDvst
I am an Eclectic Wiccan. I have not always been. In fact, before I heard the term “Wiccan”, I didn’t have any faith at all. Not even in myself. I wanted to write this essay and to share my story as to why I chose the goddess and the god.
When I was a child, I was very rambunctious. Getting into trouble in school was my daily routine. I would fight, steal, lie, and cheat. The worst part was I had no idea as to why I did those things. My grandmother used to say, “I was possessed by the devil”. When I grew to my teenage years, things slowed down a bit. That is, after being placed into state custody. At the age of 15, I found myself in a foster home, as my biological family didn’t want anything to do with me. It was there that I encountered the most wonderful girl I have ever met, Nicole. I started to understand what it meant to love someone else and care about someone other than myself. But I was still making some stupid choices.
On August 29 2001, three friends and I broke into a convenient store, stealing everything that could be moved and carried. This time I didn’t get a slap on the wrist. I was sent to state prison for a term of two- to – six years. I lost everything I ever knew that day. And, the worst part, that girl who taught me how to love… she also was charged for a crime that I talked her into committing.
In 2005, I found myself again in trouble with the law. This time the sentence was harsher: six years in state prison. It was there, sitting in a jail cell, that I began thinking about my life, and how to change it around. I remembered something Nicole had said to me when I asked her to take me back. She said that she had too much to lose. Funny thing is, she didn’t have a thing at all. She just didn’t want to be involved in my constant screw-ups. So that was it. Just me and a cold jail cell. No family. No friends. No money or possessions. So what would the normal miscreant think? Yes. You guessed it. It’s time for an end. And a new beginning.
My first thought was the conventional way of ‘ending the bad’. Shoe string. Bed sheet. Instead, for some odd reason, I decided to pick up a book and read. So I read and read and read. For two years I lay in a cell and read.
One day, a Christian tried to sit down and preach the Bible to me.” No, I don’t find it to be true, ” I told him. He asked, “Well, what do you believe?” And so I started writing every belief that I had down on paper. Then, I went and read about the different religions.
I came across a book called Wicca: For Beginners by Scott Cunningham. I was actually shocked at how everything made sense. I became very interested in learning more. So without delay, I ordered a few more books from the library. After reading the books, and being sure I wanted to learn the way, I did a self-dedication rite. I did this rite by myself in my cell. I simply fell into a meditation and invited the lady and the lord to join me. That night, sitting in that cell, I could actually feel a transformation take place. A new lease was given to me. I soon found it easy to control my thoughts. A feeling of happiness and joy washed over me. My heart became a soft, warm life force. I began seeing the earth in a light that I never seen before. I began to see the old religion in a lot of every day events.
Through meditation, I began to concentrate on the wrongs that I did to others. This does not come easy, or without regrets. We have all heard the expression “you don’t know what you have till it’s gone”. Me, I still try to find that way to get it back. Time… I can’t turn back that clock, but I am grateful to have memories of those that showed me how to love, and inspired me to make a difference. It is very heart-wrenching to have the woman you love the most tell you she don’t feel the same… and that you’re to blame.
It has been four years since I dedicated myself to the way –“harm none do as ye will”- These four years have been remarkably enlightening to me. I made two promises to myself and to the powers that be: 1: never harm again; but help others whenever possible and 2: do everything in my power to better my future, to give back instead of take away.
After being released from prison, the first thing I did was move out of my old town. I headed straight to New York City. In just three weeks, I have enrolled into college and found a job. I continue on a daily basis to nurture my relationship with the lady and the lord. In my heart, I don’t believe that I would be where I am today, with the mindset that I have, if I had never picked up that book. I would never have the connection with the earth and the mother. I would never have been able to understand my own life, past, and future.
I am a son, a brother, an uncle, an ex con. The latter I am not ashamed of. It brought me to my rightful place, with the goddess in my heart. My experiences will someday help my teach someone else, and maybe help change their life.
And I dare not to forget; about two years ago I wrote letters to every person that I betrayed. Today I can happily say that I have made amends and rekindled old friendships. I spend time with my family. It is a wonderful feeling to have them in my life. There yet may come a day when that woman who saw too much too lose in me, may see the world with me. It’s never too late to change and find your calling!
I am thankful to all who give guidance to people like me who need a little direction. And I am beyond grateful that the lady and the lord gave me a new beginning!
Blessed be! And thank you for reading.
Witches Of The Craft® 