the daily humorscope
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
A relative will be seriously injured today, when a man dressed as a huge shrimp abandons his post at the opening of a seafood restaurant, steals an experimental hovercraft, and crashes it into your relative’s motor vehicle. The worst part is, the insurance company will refuse to pay a cent.
You will go to a Chinese restaurant and decide to try something new. Don’t do it! It’s not as good as your favorite.
Good day to buy lava lamps at garage sales. Once in a life-time opportunity. Also, if you happen to spot a white 100% polyester leisure suit with bell-bottom pants and a really large lapel, buy it on the spot. I know *I* would love to have one.
Inspiration will strike you, and leave you for dead. The police will do nothing.
You are being stalked by an invisible mutant from Planet 7. Or at least, you’ll find that this makes an excellent excuse for not doing those outside chores today.
In a strange form of protest against the new trends in personal adornment, you will make mooing sounds whenever you see someone with a nose ring. Coincidentally, some of them will say “Hay!”
You will finally begin your novel! This is very good, since if you’d decided to write a screen play, you would have had to move to California and drive a taxi.
Don’t lose hope! Conditions like yours are painful and embarassing, but often clear up on their own.
You will have a visit from “The Scourge of Valderia”. He’s thin, small, balding, wears little round glasses, and dresses in a rumpled blue suit. Still you don’t want to cross him.
This week you will feel like corn. Just not like having any.
You’ve been trying to sell your car, and it just isn’t going anywhere. Sometimes it helps if you have a name for your vehicle, to give it more character. I call mine the “Millenium Falcon”. My passengers often become irritated at being called “Chewie”, though.
You will mosey, this week. There’s nothing that wrong with moseying, after all, and it’s occasionally just what is needed. In fact, you’ll soon begin work on “Mosey Your Way To Fitness”, a best-selling self-help book on the topic.
Witches Of The Craft® 