the daily humorscopes for wednesday,november 9th

 

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Good day to appreciate the beauty and wonder of life, and to see how far you can spit. Other people may find that incongrous, but you’ll see the inner truth, and it will set you free.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You will be driven into a panic today by the thought that you will live to see music by Oingo Boingo referred to as “classic” rock. Believe me, that’s not nearly as strange as clothing trends will be, such as the “big elbow” look.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Today you will develop a type of rubber overshoe that looks like dinosaur’s feet. They will become wildly popular, after your appearance on the Letterman show.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Today you will rush around in a tizzy. It will be sort of fun, actually, since the tizzy handles well, and has more than enough power to make an exciting ride.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

A friend will ask your advice on a technical matter. If you answer, you’ll be blamed. Pretend you don’t know anything about it.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Today you will receive a gift horse. Unfortunately, it will have a really horrendous case of gingivitis.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

E-coli. It’s what’s for dinner!

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Dorothy Parker once said “if you can’t say anything nice, come sit next to me”. Today that will be strangely relevant to your own situation.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You may have to share a hotel room with a business colleague, to save travel expenses. Here’s a tip to keep them from talking all night: bring along a teddy bear, and punch it really hard in the head a few times at bedtime, screaming “Shut up, Mr. Teddy! Shut up!”.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)

Avoid friends who’ve had sudden personality changes, today. And always watch the skies.

Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)

Good time to become involved in a secret plot to overthrow someone or something. Personally, I think your best bet is to start small. You can pick up some tips in “Overthrowing Things For Fun And Profit” by Kwan No, M.D., Ph.D.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You find that after all these years, you are finally beginning to conquer your fears. You will find that oddly frightening.