In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
( and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap.”
(and that would be how??…)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: “Serving suggestion: Defrost.”
(but, it’s “just” a suggestion.)
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): “Do not turn upside down.”
(well………duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating.”
(…and you thought????………)
On packaging for a Rowena iron: “Do not iron clothes on body.”
(but wouldn’t this save me more time?)
On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine: “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.”
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents
if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness.”
(and… I’m taking this because???….)
On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only.”
(as opposed to…what?)
On a Japanese food processor: “Not to be used for the other use! .”
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury’s peanuts: “Warning: contains nuts.”
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
“Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.”
(Step 3: maybe, uh…fly Delta?)
On a child’s superman costume: “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”
(I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:”Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.”
(..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
