A Little Humor for Your Day – “The Irish Prostitute”

The Irish Prostitute

 

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her. “Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?

The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff… dad… I became a prostitute.”

Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this family.”

“OK, dad– as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside, plus a membership to the country club… (takes a breath)… and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and…”

“Now what was it ye said ye had become?” says dad

Girl, crying again, “Sniff, sniff… a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff.”

“Oh! Bejesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a ‘Protestant’. Come here and give yer old man a hug!”

 

Find more great humor at Turok’s Cabana

Astronomy Picture of the Day – Unexplained Dimmings

Astronomy Picture of the Day

Discover the cosmos! Each day a different image or photograph of our fascinating universe is featured, along with a brief explanation written by a professional astronomer.

2016 June 13

Unexplained Dimmings in KIC 8462852
Illustration Credit: NASA, JPL-Caltech

 

Explanation: Why does star KIC 8462852 keep wavering? Nobody knows. A star somewhat similar to our Sun, KIC 8462852 was one of many distant stars being monitored by NASA’s robotic Kepler satellite to see if it had planets. Citizen scientists voluntarily co-inspecting the data along with computers found this unusual case where a star’s brightness dropped at unexpected times by as much as 20 percent for as long as months — but then recovered. Common reasons for dimming — such as eclipses by orbiting planets or stellar companions — don’t match the non-repetitive nature of the dimmings. A currently debated theory is dimming by a cloud of comets or the remnants of a shattered planet, but these would not explain data indicating that the star itself has become slightly dimmer over the past 125 years. Nevertheless, featured here is an artist’s illustration of a planet breaking up, drawn to depict NGC 2547-ID8, a different system that shows infraredevidence of such a collision. Recent observations of KIC 8462852 did not detect the infrared glow of a closely orbiting dust disk, but gave a hint that the system might have such a disk farther out. Future observations are encouraged and creative origin speculations are sure to continue.

Earth Sky News for June 13: Come to know the Summer Triangle

Come to know the Summer Triangle

We in the Northern Hemisphere can see the Summer Triangle for part of the night at any time of the year. But seeing it in summer is the most fun! As suggested by its name, the Summer Triangle is most prominent during the summer season, for us at mid-northern latitudes. Although the Northern Hemisphere’s summer solstice won’t be forthcoming for another week, we can often see the Summer Triangle at evening dusk by mid-June. Seeing the Summer Triangle again and again on summer nights is a deep pleasure that adds to the enjoyment of this season. So, as dusk deepens into night on a warm June or July night, look eastward.

How to find the Summer Triangle. As night falls in June or July, look east for a sparkling blue-white star, whose name is Vega. Reigning at the apex of the celebrated Summer Triangle, Vega overwhelms as the brightest of the Summer Triangle’s three glorious stars, all bright enough to be seen from many light-polluted cities.

It’s difficult to convey the huge size of the Summer Triangle asterism – a star pattern that is not a constellation. At nightfall in summer, look for the brightest star in your eastern sky. That’s Vega, the brightest star in the constellation Lyra the Harp. Look to the lower left of Vega for another bright star – Deneb, the brightest in the constellation Cygnus the Swan and the third brightest in the Summer Triangle. An outstretched hand at an arm length approximates the distance from Vega to Deneb.

Look to the lower right of Vega to locate the Summer Triangle’s second brightest star. That’s Altair, the brightest star in the constellation Aquila the Eagle. A ruler held at an arm length fills the gap between these two stars.

Summer Triangle as a road map to the Milky Way. If you’re lucky enough to be under a dark starry sky on a moonless night, you’ll see the great swath of stars known as the Milky Way passing in between the Summer Triangle stars Vega and Altair. The star Deneb bobs in the middle of this river of stars that passes through the Summer Triangle, and arcs across the sky. Although every star that you see with the unaided eye is actually a member of our Milky Way galaxy, oftentimes the term Milky Wayrefers to the cross-sectional view of the galactic disk, whereby innumerable far-off suns congregate into a cloudy trail of stars.

Once you master the Summer Triangle, you can always locate the Milky Way on a clear, dark night. How about making the most of a dark summer night to explore this band of stars – this starlit boulevard abounding with celestial delights? Use binoculars to reel in the gossamer beauty of it all, the haunting nebulae and star clusters of a midsummer night’s dream!

Some see the Summer Triangle as a great big “V” for vacation, with Altair marking the point of the “V.” In summer, the Summer Triangle appears in the east at nightfall, high overhead after midnight and in the west at dawn. All night long on a summer night, the stars of the Summer Triangle – as if school kids on vacation – waltz amidst the streetlights of the Milky Way galaxy.

Summer Triangle as nature’s seasonal calendar. The Summer Triangle serves as a stellar calendar, marking the seasons. When the stars of the Summer Triangle light up the eastern twilight dusk in middle to late June, it’s a sure sign of the change of seasons, of spring giving way to summer. However, when the Summer Triangle is seen high in the south to overhead at dusk and early evening, the Summer Triangle’s change of position indicates that summer has ebbed into fall.

Bottom line: Coming to know the Summer Triangle, then seeing it again and again on summer nights, is a deep pleasure that adds to the enjoyment of this season.

 

Author

Your Daily Influences for June 13, 2016

Your Daily Influences
June 13, 2016

 

The Eight of Wands Reversed
Delay seems probable. Jealousy may become a problem

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Perthro
This may be a period of loneliness and stagnation you must fight through. This may not be a good time for you to take chances or indulge in any form of gambling.

 

 

 

 

Necklace of Charms
What you need in this aspect is a bit of understanding. You can find happiness in abundance if you understand and accept the differences of those with whom you share your life within this aspect.

 

 

 

Your Daily Influences represent events and challenges the current day will present for you. They may represent opportunities you should be ready to seize. Or they may forewarn you of problems you may be able to avoid or lessen. Generally it is best to use them as tips to help you manage your day and nothing more.

Your Charm for June 13th is The Tau Cross

Your Charm for Today

Today’s Meaning:
A journey that you or someone close to you must make will have a positive influence on this aspect. This trip may be over a great distance.

General Description:
This charm was worn by the ancients to protect the wearer against disease and snake bites. The Jews used it as an amulet for epilepsy and erysipelas. It is still used in Ireland as a talisman against sickness. The Tau is one of the most ancient crosses and the forerunner of the Latin Cross. Moses used the Tau Cross with the brazen serpent attached, to save the Children of Israel in the wilderness from the attacks of the fiery serpents. The Cross has always been the symbol of life eternal. It was this mark, the Tau Cross, that was placed upon the foreheads of those exempted from Divine wrath in Jerusalem.

Your Crowley Thoth Tarot Card for June 13 is Aeon

Your Crowley Thoth Tarot Card for Today

Aeon



Aeon deals with our journey and constant transformation through time. It denotes both endings and beginnings, our ability to redeem ourselves through action, and hope for the future. Aeon teaches us to accept our past–embrace it as an essential component of our being–but not to allow it to keep our spirits from moving towards the future and finding our personal utopia.

Your Daily Witches Rune for Monday, June 13th is Harvest

Today’s Witches Rune

Harvest

Meaning: This is a very positive rune, related to abundance, rewards, growth and benefits. But it’s important to not mistake this rune for mere luck… while luck may help, the Harvest rune is usually related to the blessings that you have brought to yourself and to others, through your actions and investments.

“Reaping what you sow” is the message of the Harvest rune, but with a positive connotation. All that you worked and fought so hard to get will finally come to you, and you’ll be able to enjoy a time of tranquility, optimism and expansion. As the obstacles that were (or still are) in the way become smaller, you have a solid ground to reach out for your dreams.

Thus, the Harvest rune is a positive sign, telling you that you are in right path. However, it’s important to know that this symbol is always attached to personal responsibility… it’s what you do with your tools (whether they be mental, emotional or physical) that determines what you’ll get back in the end. Use them wisely, and luck will serve you well.

On a more negative side, this rune can make one sleep on their laurels and cling to past victories. One can become too reliant on “what works” and refuse to try new things (specially if the Crossroads rune is near). The Harvest runes should inspire you to take some risks and keep evolving, and not to crystalize yourself in one position because it proved to be successful.

In relationship readings, this symbol is connected to more practical aspects than emotional ones. Usually it represents couples who grow together, financially, socially and/or professionally. Security becomes an important factor when the Harvest appears. It represents the moment in which the couple begins to build their nest together, and think about starting a family. This rune tends to be very positive for all relationships, but doesn’t always inspire much passion.

Your Ancient Symbol Card for June 13th is The Storm

Your Ancient Symbol Card for Today

The Storm



The Storm represents the trouble and discord that creep into our lives from time to time. The storm is represented by a tornado whirling its way across a fertile plain. Tornados are powerful but relatively small, short lived storms, which means that while the turmoil they indicate may be strong it will at least pass quickly. Like the tornado, The Storm is a force outside yourself and beyond your control. During a stormy period you may lose ground. However, knowing one is upon you can certainly help you keep your losses to a minimum, or even turn what might be a disaster into a windfall.

As a daily card, The Storm denotes a time when you should be prepared to face some large challenges in your life. You may find yourself losing more than you gain for awhile. The key to weathering the storm is preparation. You know its coming, so be ready for it and there is a possibility that you can transform a tumultuous event into something good.

Casting the Stones, Your Rune Reading for the Week of June 13

Your Rune Reading for the Upcoming Week

 

bw-othalaThat Which is Behind You
Othala

Othala represents a solid, immovable home, prosperity and safety. Good fortune based on your heritage and character is yours to enjoy.

 

 

bw-isaYour Present Position You Find Yourself In
Isa

The Ice Rune, represents stagnation and a passionless existence. Your life’s course may seem blurry at the moment, but if you persevere you will move onto better days.

 

 

bw-mannazA Glimpse of the Future
Mannaz

Now is the time for you to explore your inner self and those of others. Your intelligence and creativity are very well honed at the moment. Cooperation from and with others should be very easy to attain.

Shuffling the Minchiate Tarot Deck, Your Daily Influences Reading for June 13

Your Daily Influence Reading

 

Tarot Influence:

Knight of Swords

Youth and bravado. Sometimes a dominating personality, but honest and courageous. Misfortune may be coming or passing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Astrological Influence

Libra

Libra denotes justice and balance. That which should rightfully be shall be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Element Influence

Fire

Fire denotes the unleashing of raw energy and change. The status quo may be about to crumble, but will be replaced something better. Fire also provides light to those in the dark and warmth for a cold body and spirit.

Your Daily Tarot Card for June 13th is The Hermit

Your Personal Daily Tarot Card


The Hermit

The Hermit denotes a need to have some space between you and the everyday hustle and bustle of our busy world. The Hermit needs to retreat. Indeed, happiness for The Hermit requires seclusion, freedom from material wants, and time for intense introspection. The answers The Hermit needs cannot be found in our physical world. The truths he seeks are internal, spiritual, and the distraction of a well developed social life can only impede his quest for his personal truths. Still, although not anything remotely resembling extroversion, The Hermit does sometimes need to share time with others; so he can both learn and teach, guide and be guided. The Hermit’s time spent amongst people depletes his energy rapidly. To avoid mental and physical overload he has to retreat from social settings quickly.

Get a Jump On Tomorrow, Your Daily Horoscopes for Tuesday, June 14th

Get a Jump On Tomorrow….

Your Daily Horoscopes for Tuesday, June 14th

by Rick Levine

 

General Horoscope

Sudden change seems natural as the radiant Sun aligns with innovative Uranus. However, an anxious aspect between communicator Mercury and passionate Pluto sparks intense conversations about sensitive subjects. Meanwhile, we try to maintain a healthy perspective on emotional conflicts while the reflective Moon continues her journey through friendly Libra. But difficult lunar aspects prevent us from finding peace of mind until later in the evening.

Aries Horoscope MAR 21 – APR 19

Second-guessing reality is rather pointless today; although you know that change is in the air, you have no idea what will happen in advance. A casual discussion could unexpectedly turn into an intense power struggle as someone tries to manipulate your thinking. But even the most surprising detour won’t rattle your cage now. Thankfully, it isn’t that hard to hold your own as long as you continue to stand on moral high ground.

Taurus Horoscope APR 20 – MAY 20

Unfortunately, interpersonal relationship dynamics can destabilize your work environment now. Your objective approach enables you to see both sides of a conflict, prompting you to avoid a confrontation while someone else continues to annoy you. But sooner or later you are pushed too far, driving you to lose your temper over an issue that is trivial in the long run. It’s nearly impossible to glean a clear perspective when you are in the middle of the mess.

Gemini Horoscope MAY 21 – JUN 20

It’s easier to talk to a friend about a delicate issue today because a current disagreement won’t negatively impact the loyalty you possess for one another. In fact, gaining awareness of your mutual diversity can strengthen a relationship and create the glue that holds it together. Nevertheless, you can’t get your work done if you’re spending too much time involved in unnecessary conflict. A strong friendship needs an argument every now and then to clear the air and test its stability.

Cancer Horoscope JUN 21 – JUL 22

You are at a pivotal point in your life and today’s decisions set your path into the future. Cosmic forces are encouraging you to initiate significant changes so you can incorporate more free time into your daily routine. However, you’re so impatient now that you can’t wait for the big shift. But hiding your head in the sand isn’t a viable course of action either. The good news is that once you make up your mind the universe conspires to grant your wish.

Leo Horoscope JUL 23 – AUG 22

It’s nearly impossible to ignore your peers while their antics entice you to temporarily skip out on your obligations in search of fun. But no decisions are made lightly today, even if you choose to run off and join the circus. Weigh all your options carefully before picking one path. Don’t be afraid of making a wrong choice. Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions. Failure is success in progress.

Virgo Horoscope AUG 23 – SEP 22

Your fair-minded approach to making fiscal decisions is prudent because it prevents your emotions from muddying the waters. However, you must decide how to invest your time and money so you don’t squander your resources. As Ben Franklin wrote, “A penny saved is a penny earned.” Whatever you do, stay on top of your finances now. Leaving something so important up to anyone else is never a wise strategy. Common sense counts.

Libra Horoscope SEP 23 – OCT 22

It’s one of those days when you could live up to your zodiacal reputation; you can see different paths stretching from this moment into the future but you can’t figure out which one is most advantageous. Obviously, delaying your choice can be detrimental if it leads you to miss a special opportunity. Nevertheless, this tactic allows you to continue to review all the alternatives until one of them stands out as the obvious winner. As Wayne Dyer wrote, “You are not stuck where you are unless you decide to be.”

Scorpio Horoscope OCT 23 – NOV 21

You’re not afraid to bring up sensitive issues because you know that talking about them leads to more informed choices. However, your willingness to engage in a discussion may actually be a diversionary tactic that enables you to let the moment pass without doing anything at all. Remember, the decisions you make now determine your destiny. But talk is cheap; this magical moment is maximized only when you take immediate action.

Sagittarius Horoscope NOV 22 – DEC 21

It appears that your friends are not supportive of your new plan today, yet they eventually turn out to be quite encouraging of nearly any crazy idea you can conceive. Thankfully, they do not want to see you settle back into a boring routine that leads nowhere. Although the road may be rocky at first, it will smooth out once you get rolling. You must make a choice to take a chance for your life to ever change.

Capricorn Horoscope DEC 22 – JAN 19

You’re not one to switch horses midstream unless you see no other way to get across. This may be one of those rare times when radically altering your plans while you’re in the middle of the river is easier than sticking to your original course. Don’t worry about your slow progress; it will take a bit of time to regain your previous speed. A brave soul recognizes the error of his ways.

Aquarius Horoscope JAN 20 – FEB 18

You’re up for nearly anything today and the most unconventional ideas sound the best. You aren’t interested in choosing the safest route when the sky is the limit, since you might feel as if you’re protected by a benevolent universe at this time. In fact, you’re eager to trade in your current stability for a healthy dose of exhilaration. Nevertheless, the adrenaline rush will not last long. Thankfully, the changes you make now will.

Pisces Horoscope FEB 19 – MAR 20

Emotional instability and spiritual uncertainty do not inspire you to feel safe. In fact, your anxiety could escalate today when the rug is pulled out from beneath your feet. Nevertheless, you are not in any danger of falling. Your imagination is working overtime to create colorful fantasies and you’ve temporarily lost your capacity to separate the truth from your illusions. This emotional rollercoaster is a wild and wonderful ride. Hop on now before it’s too late.

 

Part of the Daily Insight Group

If Today is Your Birthday: June 13

happy-birthday-cake

If Today is Your Birthday: June 13

You instinctively know that change is necessary for your growth, and you also go through many transformations in your life time. You are at once fascinated with and worried about the unknown. This compels you to be as prepared as possible and to plan ahead. You like to be prepared for the unknown and often plan ahead. You are not only hard working, you love to work and feel at your best when you are responsible and committed. You are creative and unique in the ways you express yourself.

Famous people born today: William Butler Yeats, Paul Lynde, Malcolm McDowell, Mary-Kate Olsen, Ashley Olsen, Tim Allen.

Your Birthday Year Forecast

Your birthday occurs around the time of a First Quarter Moon this year, and you are reaching an important turning point in terms of personal growth. You may be more emotional this year, and should watch for unnecessary conflicts and making hasty decisions as a result. Otherwise, this is a year of great energy, motivation, and growth. You are more ambitious and desirous of action in the year ahead. This should be a busy, dynamic period in your life.

There are likely to be quite a few doors opening for you this year. Negotiations, marriage, and business partnerships benefit. Artistic talent is emphasized this year, and respected – you can truly shine. You are motivated by the desire to strike a balance in your relationships and in your personal environment. Smooth negotiations with others are sought. You are more diplomatic and gracious this year. This is a good period in your life for social affairs, pleasure, amusement, and romance.

Uranus transits in harmony with your Sun this year, and Jupiter also forms a trine with your Sun from January 2017 forward . Exciting changes and new interests are likely during this period. It’s easier than ever to express your unique individuality, and if this involves changing careers or jobs, a new love affair, or an entirely new hobby, it’s something that takes you forward into unexplored territory. You are more willing to adapt to new circumstances, ideas, and unfamiliar situations. It’s a good time to join organizations and groups and to attend meetings or social events. You are able to find creative solutions to problems now. Flexibility is the key to success. Your personality is sparkling, which is sure to attract new circumstances and people into your life.

You have a stronger than usual desire to improve and learn this year, with opportunities emerging to match. Optimism and confidence are with you, and you are able to attract fortunate circumstances into your life as a result. Problems are easier to resolve this year. Your social life will likely increase and bring you in contact with helpful people. Travel opportunities are likely. Pinnacle successes can occur during this period – for example, publishing an important project, graduating, marrying, having a child, getting a promotion, and so forth. Matters related to universities, higher education, organized religion, publishing, legal affairs, and foreign interests proceed smoothly. It’s a good time to seek out advanced training or to further your education. You are likely to enjoy good humor, optimism, and a larger perspective on matters that keeps you from getting lost in details or overly frustrated by everyday stresses and strains.

However, Saturn forms an opposition to your Sun from January 2017 forward which can act to downplay some of Jupiter’s influence. The reverse is true as well – Jupiter’s benefits can help soften the effects of this Saturn transit. Saturn calls upon you to identify the weaker areas of your life, and to fix or strengthen them. Take the time to sort out your life, improve your work, and to become more efficient. Taking a slow and steady approach to life is necessary now. Pushing too hard will likely lead to frustration and setbacks. Take it easy and work on self-improvement. Results are not immediate, but will eventually come and bring healthy rewards.

There may be changes in work schedules or life’s circumstances could challenge you in such a way that you need to change your goals or actions. This can also be a time when you tend to resist others and challenge them if they are trying to hold you back. Energy fluctuates this year. If you can avoid rash or impulsive moves, you could enjoy more courage than usual to do things that break the routine or clear the air.

Venus-Uranus is a favorable influence in your solar chart this year, and you can benefit from social meetings and events, as well as situations that call for treating others with equality and respect. You may lose your fear of taking risks at this time, and happily embrace all that is new, unusual, and out-of-the-ordinary with regards to romantic involvements as well as financial undertakings. This could be a good year for financial undertakings involving electronics, technology, the internet, metaphysics, and the arts, as well as group activities. You have a taste for the offbeat and this energy can bring sudden or unexpected romance into your life, perhaps a scenario that feels like love at first sight.

Your unique manner of expressing and asserting yourself is in focus and appreciated this year. Suppressed anger is more effectively released in creative ways. Physical healing can help inner healing, and vice versa.

Needs and cravings seem to be in harmony this year, or at least not in conflict, with those of your loved ones. It makes you feel especially good to help and support those you love.

Relationships are in strong focus this year. Your charm and attractiveness can be in the spotlight, and artistic tendencies come to the fore. It is easier than ever to express your individuality in a manner that is true to you. Communications projects move forward. Love and social matters can be exciting, although at times a little destabilizing. New and interesting experiences are likely, but energy can fluctuate and impulsive moves should be watched for. 

2016 is a Number One year for you. Ruled by the Sun. This is a year of action. The seeds you plant now, you will reap later. Others might find you less sociable, as you are busier than ever and you focus on your activities and your needs. Still, you are outgoing and your initiative is stronger than ever. Advice – Stand alone, take action, start fresh, express independence.

2017 will be a Number Two year for you. Ruled by the Moon. This is a year of potential companionship. It is a quiet, gentle, and mostly harmonious year that is less active than other years. Instead, you are more responsive to the needs of others. If you are patient and open yourself up in a gentle manner, you will attract both things and people. This is an excellent year in which to build and develop for the future. Advice – be patient, be receptive, enjoy the peace, collect.

Courtesy of Cafe Astrology