The key to living with your destiny is to avoid excessive worrying and not try to control it. Controlling and manipulating your destiny is the surest way to land flat on your face. You’ll still have to learn your lessons. And it might just be more difficult for you. Be kind to yourself. Search for help when you need it. And don’t try to stifle your suffering—feel it and live it so you can continue on, learn, and live a happier life. If you constantly avoid it, it will eventually find you anyway. This is what we sometimes call “karma.”

In Buddhism, karma is the idea that “what goes around comes around”—that your fate and your future are determined by your past. If you lived your past life by the rules of the universe and were kind and helpful to others, you are rewarded in your next life. If you did not, your next life is more difficult.

Karma Chrome

The Buddhist view of karma assumes that our present positions in life are the result of justice and retribution. Some Western philosophers say that the Eastern view of karma helps those in power, who can pat themselves on the back for having good karma. In Western teachings, karma is more about cause and effect within a particular lifetime and does not require belief in reincarnation. It is the energy around you, at this moment or period in time. If you spread the good energy through good deeds, it will come back to you—it’s like catching a good wave if you’re surfing. It works for the little things in life, like having the instinct to pick a winning number, meeting and connecting with a person who might help you in the future, performing a presentation well on a certain day, and so on. Of course, karma is not foolproof—anyone can have a bad day. Sometimes, it has more to do with your destiny than with the details of everyday life.

The best thing you can do to make your destiny work for you is to be good to yourself and to the people around you, and to pace yourself—indulge sometimes and cut back other times. Search for friendships, work, and play that bring out the best in you. Your karmic lessons will find you in this lifetime and teach you the things you need to know.