Learning To Live Your Own Life
Author: Lady Wolfwind
It’s a beautiful Saturday morning. The sun is shining brightly through my windows as I sit here typing, sipping my coffee with my cat curled on my lap listening to him purr quietly. In my soul I am grateful for these moments when I feel completely at peace. I’ve begun to feel these moments more often lately. I’ve also found time to cook and garden and sew. I’ve found the time to play with my children and listen to music and laugh.
Finding this time has not come easily. It’s been a long hard road. It’s taken a lot of deep soul searching and asking tough questions that a lot of the time I really didn’t want to hear the answers to. There’s also been a lot of heartache that came from tough decisions I had to make to be true to myself.
For most of my life I have been plagued by this little nagging feeling inside me, telling me that I am not doing what I’m supposed to be doing, not living the life that I was put on this planet to live. I also just ignored it, keeping on with my life, not understanding what this feeling was trying to tell me.
I’ve always known that I felt different than other people and I also knew that I didn’t accept all that they told me. I couldn’t comprehend why so many people did the same things over and over, believing that their efforts would somehow become something different in the end. So many people that I interact with are not truly happy or satisfied by the life that they live. They seem to be well-adjusted, successful people. I began to wonder if they had this little nagging feeling within themselves as well. Could it be that they just ignore it as I do? Do they drown it out with alcohol? Do they quiet it with all the noise and chaos surrounding them?
The most intense part of my journey began about ten years ago when I finally gave in to myself and admitted that I was a witch. That was the first life changing decision that I made. In my mind I can only equate it to surrendering. It felt as if I had let all of the pretenses of the life I was trying to uphold just fall away. It felt as if I had been struggling to the point that I could not struggle any longer and I had just let go, only to fall into a peaceful bliss that I hadn’t believed was truly there. From that point on, my life began to change.
I’ve done a lot of deep thinking in regards to this also. I’ve always been a student of psychology, so any profound changes in any one’s life gets my wheels to turning, even changes in my own. Over the years, I’ve read numerous books. Not just books on witchcraft and paganism, but on Buddhism, philosophy, psychology, Christianity, you name it. I’ve taken beliefs that I find make sense, turn them over in my mind and have come up with my own set of operating standards for my own life. Any decisions that I make are strictly thought through and need to adhere to these beliefs, and the fact that I have to be true to who I am and how I want to live my life.
I don’t have any illusions that sometimes this is a tough road, but one that I must stay focused on so that I do not lose sight of who I am and where my path is leading me.
Through my practice, I have learned that there are some people who walk this path with me. Some of them are there for a short time, to teach me something or I them. Parting is never easy, but I have grown to understand that they have their own paths to walk and somehow they must learn to be true to themselves as well. I’ve learned that I cannot force them to stay with me; I’ve just learned to let them go. The ones that have been hardest to let go have been my children. Some of them have had some real problems in their lives that they have tried to solve in entirely the wrong ways. They don’t want any advice from me. Most of the time they just don’t want to hear what I have to say. I used to take it personally. I’ve learned that it is all part of their own growing process. It doesn’t make it hurt any less.
Others are with me for the long haul. There haven’t been very many of them. I can count them on one hand. These are the ones that accept me for who I am and allow me to grow spiritually, supporting me all the way. They are the ones who lift me up when I’m feeling down, tell me that I’m beautiful just the way I am and love me every minute of every day.
In the past ten years, I’ve observed and rearranged every aspect of my entire life and learned to be me, not the world’s vision of me. It’s been tumultuous at times. I can’t say that if I’d know ten years ago, when I surrendered to the acknowledgement of my beliefs, that I would’ve been so eager to continue. I am grateful that I did. I don’t believe that if I hadn’t worked so hard, I wouldn’t have these moments of overwhelming peace, of stillness in my soul. It shows, not only on the inside, but the outside as well. I look younger and I smile often. I have a patience and kindness that extends to all living beings. I believe that true beauty comes from within. It radiates from deep in your soul and shows on your face and in your body language. It shows in a presence of grace that surrounds you, a quietness that radiates from you, even in tough situations.
If there was one thought that changed my life more than any, it would be this: We are born into this world and as we grow, listen, read and experience, we quickly lose sight of who we were put here to be. We develop a notion in our minds of how things are “supposed” to be. Then we try to live up to these suppositions, never questioning why we believe them or if they even benefit our own growth. We have ideas that life is supposed to be like this, and we should act like that. We should dress like this, work at this type of job, live in this type of house, behave a certain way, buy a certain type of house, wake up, go to work, and watch TV. Ask yourself, who said life was “supposed” to be anything. Question where you got your beliefs and determine if there is a better way for you to believe. You may surprise yourself.
My answers were quite simple. This life is mine and I was put here to live it. I was put here to live and love and to help as many people as I can. I was not put here to judge others or to try to convert them to my path or way of thinking. I was put here to respect the fact that we’re all different and entitled to believe what we want. If I cannot get along with you because of this, I will separate myself from you. This rarely happens.
You will find, though, through this line of self questioning and changing that there will be certain times in which you will see others struggling. Most times they will be people whom you love very deeply and want only the best for. My greatest pain comes from watching these people struggle against their own minds. I’ve tried to explain my life philosophy to them and most times they just look at me like I’ve got two heads. They can’t believe that it can be so simple. I don’t believe that life was meant to be so hard. Even if they don’t understand my words, they cannot deny the peace that surrounds my self, my life and my family. They can’t deny the existence of the smile on my face most of the time. It saddens me to watch them walk on, trying to figure it out for themselves. Everyone seems to think there’s some big secret they’re supposed to find.
The secret is that there is no secret. It is just that simple.
But, today is a beautiful Saturday morning. I’m going to finish my coffee, pet my cat and wish everyone the greatest love. I have a garden to attend to and plans for a wonderful barbecue with friends and family. Oh yes, and lots of laughter and smiles.
Just remember, life is a journey and it’s meant to be lived.
Love to all my fellow witches,
Lady Wolfwind
Witches Of The Craft® 