the daily humorscope
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
A man with a large nose will attack you with a sword today, while composing free verse in archaic French. Luckily, he’ll get stuck trying to come up with a word that rhymes with “l’orange”, and you’ll have time to slip out the back way.
Today you will put your foot down, regarding your turn at dinner preparation versus dining out. In other words, “if you ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
Today you will become a card-carrying member of a new and very exclusive organization named “Yeomen of the Carbuncle”, although you’ll spend a lot of time at the first meeting debating whether it should actually be called “Yeopersons of the Carbuncle.”
Not only is this a good day to throw a tantrum, but there’s a good chance that you might set a new distance record!
A strange package will appear on your doorstep — a basket of fresh longan fruit, lined with a page from yesterday’s Beijing newspaper. This could be a sign…
Excellent day to be expansive and benevolent. It will make people worry.
You are about to invent a night light in the shape of a chess piece, which you will name the “Nighty Knight.” You should be ashamed of yourself.
Bad news: people think you’re becoming paranoid. Isn’t that just typical, though? I mean, they don’t even HAVE invisible malevolent air-squids spying on THEM, do they?
Today you will seek out new life, and new civilisations. You won’t find any, of course, but you will discover a really excellent Chinese restaurant in the process.
Bad news: people think you’re becoming paranoid. Isn’t that just typical, though? I mean, they don’t even HAVE invisible malevolent air-squids spying on THEM, do they?
Today will be especially trying, and if you’re not careful, you could end up in a pretty grumpy frame of mind. Take precautions! Wear your E.T. underwear.
Remember: you can’t tell your boss to get lost. You can, however, give him the wrong directions.
Witches Of The Craft® 