Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Today you will get one of those pimples that just suddenly appears, and you will only notice it when you glance in the mirror after a very important meeting.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You will tell a total stranger that you’re “sick and tired of salad”, today. The stranger will recoil in shock and horror.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You are about to burn the roof of your mouth on pizza. It won’t be the first time, either.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You will make pizza from scratch today (dough and everything), and will beam with pride. As well you should.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

A door-to-door arms dealer will stop by today. Although you won’t be entirely sure how you let yourself get talked into it, you’ll soon be the first on the block to own a rocket launcher.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Good day to avoid pickled herring.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Excellent day to make strange mouth noises, particularly in a crowded elevator.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Tomorrow is a good day to wear your lucky Rocketship underwear. Try not to leap into rooms while shouting “Hark!” however.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Time to develop new friendships, and possibly to get a new hair style. Personally, I’m working on the “wacky inventor” hair style, in which I wash my hair at night and go to bed with it still damp. It’s not a look for everyone, however.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)

Excellent day to make odd hand gestures at people you don’t know.

Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)

Beware of short people.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

It’s ok to whistle while you work. Your co-workers will draw the line at yodelling while you work, however. They’re probably just jealous.