the daily humorscope
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You are being watched. Act casual (i.e. pretend you are wearing blue jeans and a t-shirt).
Hmm. Hard to read this one. The carrot stopped right between “kidnapped and tortured” and “wins the lottery.” Probably a little of both, I’d guess.
This may be a little late, but heck, late is better than never. You know when they said to shop naked? They meant shopping on-line…
Excellent time to make up your own names for kitchen implements. You’ll discover that you don’t have nearly enough sticklers, but that you have every reason to be proud of your flatula.
A good day to start getting your affairs in order. You shouldn’t be having affairs anyway, so the least you can do is tidy them up.
Chaos will ensue, when you are accidentally hit by a motorist, just as a bus full of lawyers specializing in insurance claims is passing by on the way to a conference. The bus will literally erupt into a heaving mass of clawing, screaming, and briefcase-bashing lunatics. Eventually they’ll take out a class-action lawsuit against you.
As a joke, you will put a remote controlled monster under someone’s bed. That will be really funny, although perhaps not quite as funny as when they put a real monster under yours.
You’re about to spend a considerable amount of time with someone who personifies “dour”. The kind of person who never once clapped for Tinkerbell, even as a child. Just ignore them, if you can. If you can’t ignore them, pretend they are a duck.
A good day to start getting your affairs in order. You shouldn’t be having affairs anyway, so the least you can do is tidy them up.
You will discover the secret to becoming a great artist! You can stick anything you want on the wall, the trick is to make people think deep thought went into it. For example, spray-paint a bathroom pluger gold, and stick little angel wings on it. Call it “Life In The Details”.
Your requests are being ignored. Often you can get people to pay attention by simply adding a few words to the end of your request, such as “Pick up your socks, dear, or die screaming.”
It’s about time you became better acquainted with mustard. Get yourself 7 different kinds of mustard, and try them with oven baked home fried potatoes, or in sandwiches with good bread and fresh vegetables and some excellent Swiss cheese. My granddaddy Stonebender always used to say “Take a big enough bite of strong mustard, and your other problems will seem insignificant.”
Witches Of The Craft® 