the daily humorscope
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Everyone who drives by today will stick their head out their car window, give you a big dopey look, and flop their tongue around in the wind. If you had known this was “act like a dog” day, you might have been better prepared.
You are being watched by a large penguin. Act normal.
Beware! The Celestial Jade Emperor may banish you to the Big Grumpy Place if you don’t start paying more attention to the four Winds. Obviously, this is a metaphor, somehow involving Cleveland.
Nobody knows the trouble you’ve seen. Except for Bob, that is. You know – the quiet neighbor, with the binoculars?
You’ve been getting tired of the same old “look”, day after day. Maybe you should get a tattoo? I’ll bet people with tattoos never get tired of ’em!
Good day to embrace diversity. Wear mismatched shoes.
Today an ecologically-minded organic foods co-op will move into your home, while you’re away. You’ll be smelling whole-wheat fig bars for months, even if you succeed in extricating them. (Which is unlikely, in today’s political climate. They need somewhere to hide. Have a heart.)
Excellent day to tell everyone you know that a “horsepower” is a unit of power equal to 746 watts in the U.S., but which is not quite equivalent to the English horsepower, which is 550 foot-pounds of work per second. Once their eyes glaze over, you can borrow money from them without them even fully realising it.
You will find a strangely heavy small gold ring today, embedded in the centre of an obviously volcanic rock. There is some writing, in a script unlike any you’ve ever seen, running around the ring, although you can’t really see it unless you heat it up in a fire…
Excellent day to slurp soup. Remember: if you’re going to do anything, do it well. Obviously, that includes slurping.
This is a good time to get out there and make a difference! I’m often tempted to do that, but I just can’t figure out where “there” is — every time I get there, it’s here. Maybe if I run really fast? Oh well, if you figure it out, be sure to make a difference.
You’re getting a little carried away with the idea of selling banner ads to make extra cash. On the other hand, a totally bare forehead is a bit of a waste of space…
Witches Of The Craft® 