the daily humorscopes for friday, november 18th

 

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Today you will have to take someone aside and gently explain that a “briefcase” is not actually for undergarments. Remember: you probably made a few silly mistakes yourself, when you were just starting out.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You will spend the day discussing whether the main problems in the world are due to ignorance or apathy. Personally, I don’t know and I don’t care.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Good day to wear overalls and discuss bean farming with retired people at a diner or family-style restaurant. Or at least, that’s a lot more fun than what you’d be doing otherwise.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

This week, you are the bug and everyone else is the really huge shoe. Your objective: don’t be noticed.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

You will tend towards simplicity in your life. The Voluntary Simplicity movement has been gathering momentum lately, so you’ll have plenty of company. And heck, who cares if it’s “voluntary”, right?

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Another one of those excrutiatingly boring meetings today. Try to liven things up by summoning one of the people back from the dead.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You will be traumatized by an episode with a stapler, today. You will be unable to even look at a stapler for several weeks, without trembling.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Today you will see a free floating full torso vaporous apparition! It’ll turn out that your glasses are smudged.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Beware of rodents.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)

You will become embroiled in yet another argument about crustaceans today. You will easily trounce your opponent, who will leave in a huff. He’s just being crabby, if you ask me.

Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)

Time to commit some random acts of kindness. I have developed an algorithm for this. The next time someone asks you for a quarter (or any small coin), take one out of your pocket, and toss it in the air. Heads, give it to them. Tails, put it back in your pocket, and tell them you haven’t got any. Or whatever – remember, the important thing is to be RANDOM.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

What you need, mainly, is computerized shoes. Try to get the ones with the built-in serial port, so you can download a different average speed and average daily distance, to impress people. And you might as well get the ambient temperature readout, GPS, and pager options while you’re at it.