the daily humorscopes for monday, november 7th

 

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Today you will meet Klive Dinky, the proprietor of Klive Dinky’s Tropical Dream Vacation, and Spa Salon. He will turn out to be much shorter than you ever imagined.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Good day to have some fun with fake fur and spirit gum. Now you can see what chest hair would really be like, or go for the “Madonna” look. Or you can simply opt for hairy palms — that’s always fun.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You will be walking along today when you overhear someone making a snide remark about you, drawing an unflattering comparison between your personality, and landfill. A snappy reply will occur to you, sometime late next week.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Excellent day for standing barefoot on the lawn and wiggling your toes. Under no circumstance should you stand barefoot on the lawn and wiggle your nose. It simply isn’t done.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

If you act now, you could be the first on your block to have an actual moat and a working drawbridge. Something to consider.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Today you will make the bold move from fidgeting to twiddling. Just please be careful.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Good day to learn to play the tuba.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

It’s time to tell your friend to quit wearing that rediculous goatee. Why not recommend a sheepee, instead?

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Today you’ll go buy a white jacket, and start working towards your dream: the resurgence of Disco! And you’ll be successful, too! Yes, over the course of your life, you’ll get literally several people interested.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)

You are about to invent a night light in the shape of a chess piece, which you will name the “Nighty Knight”. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)

Today you’ll suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, and believe me, that’ll hurt.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You will walk into a door frame today, and people will smirk. Remember though, they’re smirking with you, not at you.