the daily humorscopes for sunday, november 6th

 

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Good day to examine your cuticles. If you do that studiously enough, I’m quite sure nobody will realize you’re not paying any attention.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Beware of bubonic plague today. Other than that, things will be fairly normal.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Uh oh. The cows have come home, and the fat lady is about to sing. Better come up with some new excuses, quick! You can do that while you’re coping with the unpleasant result of the cows coming home.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Excellent day to just walk down the street, going “Doo wah ditty, ditty dum ditty doo.” I’d stop short of taking a walk on the wild side, though.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

You’ll get your big break today! Try not to blow it. And stand up straight – shoulders back! That’s better.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Excellent day to refer to everyone as “Doctor”. This will make them grin, and they’ll forget all about that favor they were going to ask of you.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Someone will tell you today “Boy, what a girl goes through to send her brother through proctology school.” Despite being forewarned, you won’t have anything to say.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Tomorrow is a good day to wear your lucky Rocket ship underwear. Try not to leap into rooms while shouting “Hark!” however.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

What fun! You’ll be called in to a special meeting at work soon, where someone will have a “pink slip”. Sounds like party attire to me!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)

Today you’ll become incensed at the thought that you missed out on all the fun during the 60’s and 70’s, and will change your name to “Sunflower” in protest.

Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)

Good day to go on a voyage of self-discovery. Try to be back in time for dinner, though.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

While attempting to stifle a yawn today, you will accidentally make a loud “smooching” sound. Try bringing out your pager, and saying “these new models sure have some interesting sound options, don’t they?” I find that works well with several other forms of involuntary noises, as well.